Faith Deeter Get All Your Relationships Right

Faith Deeter Get All Your Relationships Right Master all of your relationships. What are natural principles? Natural principles come from nature and have been a part of our makeup from the beginning of time.

No matter what type of relationship you’re in, whether it’s parent/child, romantic, or work-related, your relationship is governed by natural principles because, YOU are governed by natural principles and so is everyone else. Similar to instincts, these principles tend to govern the way human beings behave. They are underlying factors as to why we feel happy, fulfilled, anxious, or lonely. By unde

rstanding what is natural for a person, you can work in harmony with them. When we don’t understand what is natural, we are more likely to make mistakes. For almost twenty years, people have been coming to me when they need help. They come when their spouse is leaving them, when their kids won’t listen, or when they are unhappy in their life and need a change. The way I help every person is unique to their situation, but the paradigm I use is always the same. I use Natural Principles. It is my hope that by sharing these principles with you, you will have a road map that can keep your relationships strong as well as guide you in knowing what to adjust when you run into trouble.

When someone you care about won't do what you want, it can be frustrating and challenging. Here are some things you can ...
02/19/2023

When someone you care about won't do what you want, it can be frustrating and challenging. Here are some things you can consider:
Ask clearly: Ask for what you want in the form of a question. "Would you please...?" Don't use statements because a statement is not really asking and don't ask in the form of a complaint. 'I do everything around here and you do nothing,' is not a request. Do you really have to ask? Yes!
Listen to the other person's perspective: Try to understand the other person's point of view and why they might not want to do what you're asking. Listening to their concerns and opinions can help you find common ground.
Be respectful: Common courtesy goes a long way. Avoid being snarky or rude. Instead, approach the situation respectfully. Being respectful can help defuse tension and make it easier to find a solution that works for both of you.
Keep it win/win: If one of you loses, neither one wins. Keep looking until you find a middle ground that you both can agree on.
If all else fails, consider letting it go: If you feel stuck, consider if it's really worth holding onto. Accepting differences can be a healthy way to move forward and avoid unnecessary stress and tension. You can't control another person's actions but you can focus on finding alternatives to achieve your goals.

HOW TO SET BOUNDARIESSetting boundaries is one of the 5 pillars of creating healthy relationships yet setting boundaries...
01/22/2023

HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES
Setting boundaries is one of the 5 pillars of creating healthy relationships yet setting boundaries is an area that many people struggle with doing. However, when you clearly communicate and reinforce your limits, you help to keep your relationships safe. There are several steps you can take to successfully set a boundary:
1. Identify your needs, wants, and limits: It's your responsibility to figure out what you need in a given situation and what you are or aren't willing to accept or tolerate. If you're not sure, take time until you are sure. Your boundaries don't have to make sense to anyone else but you. Own them.
2. Communicate clearly: Use "I" statements to communicate your needs and wants or express how you feel. "I want, I need, I feel..."
3. Expect to be respected but be ready to correct - not one more than the other: People often rise or fall to the level of our expectations but be ready to reinforce your boundary as needed.
4. Respectfully enforce: If one of your boundaries is crossed, politely use your words and if words don't work, use your actions. For example, if you ask someone to lower their volume, and they don't, calmly remove yourself from the situation until the behavior has changed. If you continue to participate in a situation that you are not comfortable with, it puts you in the position of enabling the behavior to continue.
5. Feel good for it: Never feel bad or wrong about protecting yourself or your relationship. Remember that setting boundaries is a loving thing to do.
Setting boundaries may be a lifelong learning process, since as you grow and change, your boundaries may change as well. It can be difficult to identify your own needs and wants. It can be challenging to enforce your boundaries when they are not respected. It may take time and practice, but with patience and perseverance, boundaries can lead to healthier, happier, and more fulfilling relationships.

There is a myth that says people can't change, yet if that were true, how have you learned to become all that you curren...
01/21/2023

There is a myth that says people can't change, yet if that were true, how have you learned to become all that you currently are?
Change is simply another word for growth. Growth is a natural proocess and is something we all do. We grow and develop from birth to adulthood, going through stages of infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. We grow mentally and emotionally acquiring new skills, and ways of thinking. Over time, our attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors evolve as we go through different life experiences and self-reflection.
It is important to remember that growth is a lifelong process, and while change can be difficult and may not happen overnight, everyone is still growing and it is possible for all of us to make positive changes in our lives.

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PARTTaking responsibility for your part in your relationships means being accountable for...
01/20/2023

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PART
Taking responsibility for your part in your relationships means being accountable for how you conduct yourself rather than blaming your partner for the response you have or the choices that you actually make.
It means understanding that you are ultimately the one responsible for ensuring the well-being of your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and recognizing that another person cannot fulfill all of your emotional needs.
When both parties take personal responsibility in a relationship, it fosters an environment of mutual respect, trust, and open communication which leads to more satisfying and healthy relationships. So the next time you feel tempted to blame someone else for how you feel, rather than saying, “You made me feel…” use the responsible form of communication, step into your power, and start your sentence with I. "I want..." "I need..." "I feel..."

I STATEMENTS VS YOU STATEMENTS: THE RESPONSIBLE FORM OF COMMUNICATIONHave you ever had someone try to tell you how they ...
11/21/2022

I STATEMENTS VS YOU STATEMENTS:
THE RESPONSIBLE FORM OF COMMUNICATION
Have you ever had someone try to tell you how they feel by telling you how you feel? It can feel terrible, like an accusation, and can actually start a fight.
When it comes to what a person wants, how they think, or how they feel we can make educated guesses about other people, but the only person's feelings we know for sure are our own. If we say things like, 'You don't love me. You're not trying. You only care about your friends,' how can we know any of those things for sure? We are not the other person.
The responsible form of communication would be to share how we feel from our own perspective. 'I don't feel like you love me. It doesn't seem to me like you're trying. I feel like you only care about your friends.' This is something we can know for sure because we are sharing about us!
Sharing our own feelings puts us in the position of taking responsibility for them. We are no longer projecting what we think and feel onto someone else. So the next time you are tempted to use a You statement, take a moment to translate it into an I statement. Your relationships will be the better for it.

STAND FOR, NOT AGAINSTThere may be times in your life where you need to take a strong stand. You may need to stand for y...
11/07/2022

STAND FOR, NOT AGAINST
There may be times in your life where you need to take a strong stand. You may need to stand for your marriage, stand for a loved one to receive the health care they need, or stand for your own sobriety or mental health. These moments can be hard as you push against the pressure of the status quo.
Pressure is rarely comfortable. It can feel surprisingly bad to do something good. One thing that can help is to remember to stand for - not against - the outcome.
Stand for love. Stand for safety. Stand for honesty. Stand for, not against. When you do, things will likely still be hard, but your intention will show and will help light the way.

WHAT IF WHERE YOU'RE STOPPING IS WHERE YOU COULD BE STARTING?Where do you stop? Do you have something to say but... you ...
11/02/2022

WHAT IF WHERE YOU'RE STOPPING IS WHERE YOU COULD BE STARTING?
Where do you stop? Do you have something to say but... you don't stay it? Do you have something important to do but...you don't do it? Do you stop if you feel like keeping on going might garner disapproval or be hard? Do you stop if you are about to become vulnerable? Where do you stop and what might happen if you didn't?
What if you're where you're stopping....is where you could be starting? What if you could make your ceiling, your floor? What if you gave yourself the freedom to be more vulnerable, more joyful, and more authentic? What if other people gave themselves the freedom to be more of those things with you? Who is it really that holds you back and what does holding back cost you?
Most people don't know that this photo is not of my wedding - it's week 5 of chemotherapy. The next day I cut off my hair before it all fell out. I had a choice so I pulled off the saddle, pulled of my shoes, and got the dress dirty. My body was dying but my spirit was soaring. The next time you think of stopping, what if you hit a full gallop because maybe you are just getting started.

LEARN HOW TO RELAX INTO PRESSUREIt's natural for most people to dislike pressure and wish to avoid it. Pressure is not c...
11/01/2022

LEARN HOW TO RELAX INTO PRESSURE
It's natural for most people to dislike pressure and wish to avoid it. Pressure is not comfortable for most.
However, there are times when avoiding pressure creates more pressure - like in hesitating to set boundaries, meet deadlines, or say no.
Rather than avoid it, you can learn to allow the pressure to push against you and you can feel it yet still stand fast. It may never become comfortable, but it can become bearable. And often something important is on the other side.

WORTH - YWhat does it mean to be worthy? It means to have worth, to have value, and be valuable. Who decides?Being valua...
10/25/2022

WORTH - Y
What does it mean to be worthy? It means to have worth, to have value, and be valuable. Who decides?
Being valuable is not the same as being valued. Being valued comes from external sources. Being valuable just is.
Not everyone will see your value the same way you see it. That does not mean it is not there.
The more you act, speak, and live in alignment with your value, the more you will come to know it, the more you will trust yourself, and others appraisals of you, both high and low, will matter less.

YOU CAN'T REMOVE, BUT YOU CAN REPLACEThere may be times when we say something we didn't mean to say. If we try to take i...
10/19/2022

YOU CAN'T REMOVE, BUT YOU CAN REPLACE
There may be times when we say something we didn't mean to say. If we try to take it back by saying something like, "I didn't mean to say that. I take it back," the trouble is the brain can't un-hear what it already heard. It's like trying to go back in time to undo a mistake that's been already made. You can't undo it.
What you can do, however, and what is important to do, is replace what was said with something else. “I was wrong when I said, 'You're stupid.' That's not true. You are smart.”
Criticisms, put downs, and complaints are not motivating. They are DE-motivating. They create negative belief systems that get in the way of people performing at their best. How many of us still remember a hurtful thing that was said to us in our childhoods because the person who said it, never cleaned it up?
What would happen if instead of accusing someone of a negative trait, you accused them of a positive one? “You are smart. You are capable. You are responsible.”
Mistakes do happen in relationships and you may make a few. When you do, you can’t take them back. What you can do is own your part. Clean it up, say out loud to the other person what you wish you would have said, so the brain hears the correct message, and you can continue on.

HONESTY GIVES EVERYONE A CHANCEHow often do we sugar coat the truth in order to try to not hurt another person's feeling...
10/05/2022

HONESTY GIVES EVERYONE A CHANCE
How often do we sugar coat the truth in order to try to not hurt another person's feelings? It may seem like a kind thing to do at the time. But what happens over time if what you are communicating to them isn't real for you? Is the other person going along with a false sense of relational safety that everything is ok because that is the impression you are allowing them to have?
The old saying is that sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes it does. But when people have the truth, no matter how raw, ugly, or painful it may be, they then have the freedom and opportunity to respond in a way that is also true for them. Maybe they will be disappointed, angry, or leave. Or maybe the relationship you have with them will deepen as honesty grows more and more.
Sugarcoating or telling half truths can be a subtle way of trying to control another person's response to us under the cloak of 'kindness' which may not be such a kindness at all. In most cases, the truth comes out anyway after days, weeks, or even years of what can then feel to the other person as having been lied to, wasting precious time, or causing them to doubt themselves for what could be years to come. You can learn to deliver your truth with grace so it becomes a gift rather than a blow. Honesty really is the best policy.

HOLD THE BAR HIGHHow many of you have heard that you should never have expectations? If that were true, then if someone ...
10/04/2022

HOLD THE BAR HIGH
How many of you have heard that you should never have expectations? If that were true, then if someone were to hit you, would that be ok? Should you not expect be treated well so that you are never disappointed? Of course not.
If you don't set standards, what message does that send? "I don't expect you to meet my standards because I think you are sub-standard?" Or if you don't set standards, could it be out of fear that maybe the sub-standard one is you?
Standards are a healthy part of life already. We have standards about what types of clothes we will and won’t wear in public - like wearing our bathrobe to the store. We have standards for knowing how old food is before we will or won’t eat it. We have standards for what parts of our body we let other people touch in a friendly gesture like in a handshake or a hug and which parts are off limits.
When we set standards and hold the bar high - not impossibly high but high enough - it communicates a different message entirely. "I expect this behavior from you because I view you as capable and worthy. I hold the bar high because I believe you can meet it." When we hold the bar high on ourselves it communicates knowing our value. How inspiring and supportive does it feel when others believe in your greatness and when you believe in yourself?
There is a wide range between being a tyrant on the one extreme and being a doormat on the other. Somewhere in the middle is the special place where the expectation is not about the task itself, but about the perceived value and capability of the person being asked.

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