Secure Connections Coaching For Couples

Secure Connections Coaching For Couples I am Carolyn Sharp and I help busy, disconnected go from blah to bliss! Message me to learn more!

I describe myself as the Roy Kent of couples work because of my humor, directness and passion for what I do. Carolyn Sharp has over 25 years experience building healthy passionate relationships. She developed Secure Connections Coaching from her training and work with Stan Tatkin, founder of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). This approach views a couple’s dynamic through the lens of neurobiology, attachment theory, and arousal regulation to support couples in developing healthy and secure relationships. Based on Stan’s seminal work, Wired For Love, the coaching and retreats provide incredible opportunities for committed couples at all stages to create or deepen a successful foundation for a secure relationship. Through shared learning, facilitated exercises and private time together in the beautiful settings, couples will gain insight into one another and their patterns of interaction, and learn how to interpret and respond to one another in ways that lead deeper connection and intimacy.

What if your relationship had a reset button?Imagine stepping into this sun-drenched oasis. The air is warm, laughter ec...
10/13/2025

What if your relationship had a reset button?

Imagine stepping into this sun-drenched oasis. The air is warm, laughter echoes by the pool, and—just for a weekend—you leave the old patterns behind. Here, you’re not just relaxing… you’re rebuilding trust, intimacy, and joy, one playful exercise at a time.

What actually happens on retreat? Think neuroscience-backed activities, honest conversations, and moments that spark real connection (not just another couples “workshop”). You’ll get expert guidance, a private workbook, and the kind of insights that last long after you’ve dried off your towel.

Ready to find out if this is for you? DM me for the full retreat guide and let’s talk about what’s possible. 🌞

(Spaces fill early—curious? Let’s chat! 💬)

10/10/2025

Avoidant attachment isn't about not caring. It's about learning that needing someone wasn't safe.

If you have avoidant attachment, you might believe one of two things:
Either something is wrong with YOU. You're cold, unavailable, incapable of real intimacy. You just can't handle closeness the way other people can.

Or something is wrong with your PARTNER. They're too needy, too demanding, too much. If they would just give you space, everything would be fine.
But what if neither is true?

What if your need for independence is just your nervous system protecting you? You learned early that depending on others led to disappointment. That showing vulnerability meant getting hurt. So you learned to need no one.

And now, when your partner reaches for closeness, your system sounds the alarm: danger. Suffocation. Loss of self. So you pull away.
You're not cold. Your partner isn't needy. You're both just trying to feel safe in the only ways you know how.

The shift happens when you stop seeing independence and connection as opposites. When you realize vulnerability doesn't mean losing yourself. When you learn that needing someone can actually be safe.

You can have your space AND deep intimacy. You can stay yourself while letting someone in. 💙

This is the work I teach at Kripalu and in coaching. How to soften the protection without losing yourself. How to create safety in closeness instead of distance.

Ready to experience what's possible when you work WITH your attachment patterns instead of against them? Join us for an immersive weekend in the Berkshires (Nov 14-16) where you'll learn the tools to transform your relationship. Or dive deep 1:1 in coaching.

Link in bio.

Your fight or flight response is hijacking your relationship.Here's what's happening: Your partner says something that l...
10/09/2025

Your fight or flight response is hijacking your relationship.

Here's what's happening: Your partner says something that lands wrong. Before you can even think, your nervous system fires up. Stress hormones flood your body. And suddenly you're either attacking back or shutting down completely.

Fight looks like: • Criticism and defensiveness • Needing to be right • Bringing up past issues • Words that cut
Flight looks like: • Going silent • Leaving the room • Shutting down emotionally • Avoiding the conversation entirely

And here's what most people believe: "My partner made me react this way" or "I can't help it, this is just who I am."
But what if neither is true?

What if your fight or flight response is just your nervous system doing what it learned to do to survive? And what if your partner's response is doing the same thing?

You're not broken. Your partner isn't the enemy. You're both just protecting yourselves in the only ways your nervous systems know how.
The shift happens when you stop blaming the reaction and start understanding it. When you can recognize "my body is in threat mode right now" and create a pause before you fight or flee.

That pause? That's where connection lives. That's where you can choose something different together.
This is the work. Learning to catch your nervous system before it hijacks your relationship. Learning to stay present even when every cell in your body wants to fight or run. 💙

Want to learn these tools? Join us at Kripalu Nov 14-16 or explore coaching options. Link in bio.

10/08/2025

The mindset shift that changes everything about anxious attachment.

If you have anxious attachment, you probably believe one of two things:
Either YOU are the problem. Too needy. Too anxious. Too much. Your constant need for reassurance is ruining everything.

Or your PARTNER is the problem. Withholding. Unavailable. Not giving you what you need. If they would just show up differently, you'd be fine.

But what if neither of you is the problem?
What if you learned to survive by staying hypervigilant about connection, and your partner learned to survive by protecting their independence? And now you're unconsciously reproducing those old patterns together?

You reach. They pull back. You believe they're withholding. They believe you're demanding. Both of you are sure the other person needs to change.

Here's the shift: stop making anyone the problem. Stop trying to fix yourself or change your partner.
Start getting curious. How did you learn to reach for connection this way? How did your partner learn they needed space to feel safe? What are the two of you creating together, without even realizing it?
And most importantly: what else becomes possible when you work WITH these patterns instead of against each other?

That's the work I teach at Kripalu and in coaching. How to unhook from blame. How to see your patterns with curiosity instead of judgment. How to create something new together.

Because when you stop making anyone the problem, you can finally start building the connection you both actually want. 💙

Kripalu retreat Nov 14-16 or coaching spots open. Link in bio.

10/08/2025

I just dropped a new blog post that might change how you think about your relationship 👀
Here's the thing: most couples come to me with a list of struggles. But I start by asking them something completely different—what do you WANT your relationship to be?
That one shift? It changes everything.
In this post, I break down: ✨ The neuroscience of why you're stuck in the same patterns 🧠 How to literally rewire your brain for connection 💫 7 daily practices that compound into transformation 🔥 Why a 6-second kiss is scientifically proven to deepen your bond
Your brain carved highways for disconnection. But neuroplasticity means you can build new roads at ANY age.
Read the full post (link in bio) and discover what's possible when you shift your mindset 💕
And if you're ready to experience this work in real time? Join me at Kripalu for a transformative weekend retreat. Details in the blog!

From silent walks to laughter—real change happens.Ever wondered what’s possible when both partners say YES to doing the ...
10/08/2025

From silent walks to laughter—real change happens.

Ever wondered what’s possible when both partners say YES to doing the work? Not just talking about it, but actually showing up—messy, honest, and open to something new?

Last spring, I met a couple who hadn’t laughed together in months. Their dogs got more affection than they gave each other. Our first session, the silence between them was louder than words. But they were brave enough to try. We started with eye gazing—awkward, yes, but also a crack in the wall. Week by week, they rebuilt trust, one small risk at a time. By June, they were walking side by side again, hands brushing, grinning like teenagers. Even their dogs started walking closer together. 😊

It’s never just about fixing what’s broken—it’s about creating something new, together. If you’re ready to write your own success story (and maybe bring your four-legged sidekicks), let’s talk. Book a call or join our next retreat—your path to connection starts here. ❤️

What’s one small risk you could take today to move closer—literally or emotionally?

Let's talk about negativity bias.Your brain evolved to keep you alive, not to keep you happily connected. So it's consta...
10/07/2025

Let's talk about negativity bias.

Your brain evolved to keep you alive, not to keep you happily connected. So it's constantly scanning for threats, problems, and what's wrong. This helped our ancestors survive... but it's terrible for modern relationships.

Here's what this looks like in real life:
Your partner does 10 things right today and 1 thing that annoys you. Which one do you remember at dinner? The annoyance.

They've been more attentive lately, but they forgot to text you back once. What do you focus on? The forgotten text.

This isn't your fault. It's your brain doing exactly what it was designed to do. But here's what's possible when you understand this bias:
You can train your brain to notice what's working. To see the small moments of connection. To catch your partner doing things right.

And suddenly, everything shifts. You start seeing evidence of love everywhere. The little gestures. The effort. The care that was always there but invisible to your threat-scanning brain.

What becomes possible? More appreciation. Less resentment. Deeper connection. A relationship that actually feels good. 💙

Want to learn how to rewire these patterns? Join us at Kripalu Nov 14-16 or explore coaching. Link in bio.

Real change starts with one brave question: What if?What if the distance between you isn't permanent? What if the patter...
10/06/2025

Real change starts with one brave question: What if?

What if the distance between you isn't permanent? What if the patterns you're stuck in can actually shift? What if your relationship could feel completely different six months from now?

Most of us apply growth mindset to everything EXCEPT our relationships. We believe we can learn new skills, change our bodies, grow our careers... but when it comes to love, we think "this is just how we are."

Here's what I know after 30 years of working with couples: Your brain's wiring can be rewired. The patterns that feel impossible to break? They're just neural pathways that can be redirected.

This week, I'm diving into the neuroscience of what keeps us stuck: negativity bias, attachment patterns, and the fight/flight responses that hijack connection. But more importantly, I'm showing you what becomes possible when you expand your belief in what your relationship can be.

Because the limits aren't in your relationship. They're in what you believe is possible. ✨

Ready to explore what's possible for YOUR relationship? Our Kripalu retreat (Nov 14-16) is filling up, and I have a few coaching spots open. Link in bio or DM me.

What if your relationship had a reset button?Picture this: you and your partner waking up in a sunlit villa in the hills...
10/06/2025

What if your relationship had a reset button?

Picture this: you and your partner waking up in a sunlit villa in the hills of Italy—no work emails, no laundry piles, just the sound of birds and the promise of a day designed for connection.

Every morning, couples gather by the pool (yes, that’s the one in the photo) for a blend of science-backed coaching, playful exercises, and just enough adventure to spark something new. There’s laughter, honest conversations, and those quiet moments where you remember why you chose each other in the first place.

This isn’t just a vacation—it’s a chance to rewrite your story, with support at every step (and the world’s best chocolate within arm’s reach).

Ready to see what’s possible for your relationship? DM me “Italy” or click the link for all the retreat details. ✨

Imagine what a single week could do.

Here’s what you need to know about me as your guide at Kripalu 👋I’m deeply serious about fun. Seriously.After 30 years o...
10/04/2025

Here’s what you need to know about me as your guide at Kripalu 👋

I’m deeply serious about fun. Seriously.

After 30 years of helping couples transform their relationships, I’ve learned that breakthrough moments happen when we can laugh, be vulnerable, AND do the deep work all at once.

Because of this, you’ll find me:
🤓 Nerding out about neuroscience while making it totally accessible
😂 Using humor to help you see patterns without shame
🎯 Laser-focused on what actually creates lasting change
🌱 Holding space for both your resistance AND your growth
💫 Celebrating every small win like it’s a major victory

My approach to retreats? Think of it as “therapy meets summer camp for grown-ups.” We’re going to explore the most important relationship skills you’ll ever learn, but we’re going to have a blast doing it.

I believe transformation happens best when you feel safe, seen, and maybe a little silly. When you can laugh at the ways you’ve been stuck, you create space for something new to emerge.

Some guides are all serious. Others are all light. I’m committed to both - because your relationship deserves someone who can hold the full spectrum of what it means to be human and in love.

Plus, I make really good playlists 😉

Ready to work with someone who takes your growth seriously but never takes herself too seriously? Join me.

Only 9 spots left at Kripalu. Link in bio 🔗

Your relationships aren't separate projects - they're one interconnected ecosystem.When you strengthen your self-awarene...
10/03/2025

Your relationships aren't separate projects - they're one interconnected ecosystem.

When you strengthen your self-awareness, you show up differently in every relationship. When you deepen intimacy with your partner, you discover new parts of yourself. When you learn to set boundaries at work, you become more authentic everywhere.

This is why the "work on yourself first, then find love" advice misses the mark. You don't need to be perfect to be in relationship - you need to be willing to grow IN relationship.

Your nervous system learns safety and connection through experience, not isolation. Whether you're working on yourself through coaching, deepening your partnership, or both - you're strengthening the same neural pathways of secure attachment.

The magic happens when we embrace the both/and: growing yourself AND your relationships simultaneously.

Ready to transform your entire connection ecosystem? Join us at Kripalu November 14-16 or explore coaching options. Link in bio.

Stuck in a relationship rut—sound familiar?Last month, a couple came to me feeling more like roommates than partners. Fi...
10/02/2025

Stuck in a relationship rut—sound familiar?

Last month, a couple came to me feeling more like roommates than partners. Five days later, they were laughing, touching, and actually enjoying each other’s company again. (No, they didn’t move to Tuscany—just spent 20 minutes a day on the right things.)

Here’s what shifted: They learned how to hit pause on old arguments, tune into each other’s nervous systems, and find genuine safety—fast. Real connection isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about tiny, science-backed moves that add up to big change.

Want to see what’s possible for you? Download my 5 expert tips and start your own reset this weekend. ❤️

Ready for more? DM me “FIRE IT UP” to chat about retreats or coaching.

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1417 NW 54th, Suite 258
Seattle, WA
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