Therapy By Dassy

01/07/2025

What I thought was a w**d and almost had pulled out, turned out to actually be a w**d but a Butterfly W**d: a native North American plant that attracts butterflies and provides a home for the caterpillars that will one day morph into butterflies. It's amazing what we may miss when we don't stop to observe nature, when we don't honor that which is not considered beautiful.

17/06/2025

An important read:

Miri Bar-Halpern and Jaclyn Wolfman strike a nerve with a paper about the mental toll of being told your distress and fears don't count.

16/02/2025

01/07/2024

Dear Fellow Humans,

Four years ago, during the early months of the Covid 19 pandemic, four finch couples built nests in the pergola in our backyard. My husband, Yoav, tried to stop them by removing the twigs as they brought them. His argument was that nests bring trouble: critters, mess, etc. I convinced him to leave the nests alone, arguing that it will be educational for the kids to get to see the process of nest building, egg laying and hatching, and eventual flight out of the nest. It was Covid shutdown: there wasn’t much else to do during that time, so why not bird watch in our own backyard?

Yoav proved to be correct and the experiment did not end well. First of all, birds are nasty. As you can see in the photo above, they p**p in their nest. I don’t know whether it’s for structural reasons - perhaps it strengthens the nest and/or makes it waterproof - or just because they’re gross. We also learned that bird nests attract bird lice. After all the birds left their p**p filled nests behind for us to clean, thousands of teeny tiny lice started crawling all over our pergola. Lastly, we did not realize that new chicks fly low when they learn to fly, at least when they have to fly out from under the roof of a pergola. We have two huskies with a high prey drive. At least two of the chicks did not live past their first flight. One was chased straight into our neighbors fence which ended in a literal head-on collision, and the other one was toyed with enough that - well you know what happened. My middle kid, who was 12 at the time, was so affected by the brutality of nature that he became a vegetarian for a while.

After that experience, Yoav placed bird spikes in the corners of the pergola to deter the birds from building nests there again. The joke was on us: they built the nests in between the spikes! After that, he did a little construction work and closed off the corners completely so that there wouldn’t be a flat surface for them to build on. That worked until this year when one finch couple decided to build their nest on top of the curtain that hangs in the pergola. Again, Yoav tried removing the twigs as soon as they would bring them, but in the end, the birds were persistent enough that he gave up. Little nut-sized-brain creatures won the battle against a human. That's not because Yoav is lacking in any way, that’s just nature doing her thing.

Despite not wanting to be a landlord to birds, Yoav is actually a softy. He’s the one who took the photo you see above - he experienced a moment of awe and shared it with the family. I love this photo and felt compelled to share it with all of you because I see in it love, partnership, and resilience. Allow me to break that down for you:

Love: in the photo, we see mom and dad finch feeding their new chicks. They flew out (our version of going to the store) and brought back worms and such to regurgitate (ew) into their babies’ mouths so that they can grow.

Partnership: mom and dad finch working together, from building the nest to gathering food to feeding their chicks. It’s a beautiful family portrait of commitment, mutual responsibility, and support.

Resilience: four years ago, the birds showed us who’s boss and they did it again the year after by finding a work around to our deterrent. This year yet again, the birds beat the humans: you destroy our home, we will rebuild! They found what they deemed to be prime real estate in a hostile world and didn’t give up. They showed persistence in the face of adversity.

My dear fellow humans, when was the last time that you were inspired by a bird? How humbling it is to find inspiration in a creature so small. Inspiration to be a better parent, a better partner, and a more resilient person. I hope that you, as well, have found inspiration in this story. Truth be told, there are opportunities for inspiration all around us. We just have to stop and be silent long enough to notice them.

With love,
Dassy

25/06/2024

Music is a big part of my life; not because I’m particularly talented in producing it but because I’m great at consuming it. It never ceases to amaze me how music affects my mood, how it transports me, how it makes my physical body and my spiritual being come alive. Music speaks to us, heals us, comforts us, connects us.
My family is aware that I will break into song when a word triggers a specific tune in my head. My kids hate when I do that because it interrupts the conversation. I’m sure it’s also because I can’t sing. I mean, I can, just not well. I imagine it’s a bit painful to those who have to listen to me belt out tunes. However, it makes me really happy to sing these songs so I do it anyway. I don’t only sing as a game of word association but I also sing whenever the mood hits. I love singing - loudly and with all my heart. I'm often asked to turn down the music and stop singing so loudly.
You may ask why I keep doing it if it bothers those around me. I do it because music is my lifeline: songs give me a voice when I can’t find mine, and instrumental music releases my body and soul when I feel trapped and immobile. If receiving the ther**eutic effects of music means having to put up with a few boos from the audience, then so be it! I’m also really hopeful that one day they’ll join me and we can make beautiful, if off key, music together.
Not only do my family and friends have to put up with my word association singing, but so do my clients. Sometimes during a session, a client or I will say a word or discuss a topic that triggers my mental song/music library. I will often then assign that song as their theme song which they can summon up as needed for support and/or inspiration. Yes, I do in fact sing parts of the songs for and/or with my clients. To date, they have all been kind enough to not try to shush my inner diva.

23/04/2024

Dear Fellow Humans,

I’ve been in Israel Since April 8th. This is the first time in 23 years that I will celebrate Passover here, in the land the Bible tells us that the Israelites yearned for during their over 200 years of slavery in Egypt and during 2000 years of forced diaspora. This year, it will be a much more emotional and meaningful Passover Seder because of the horrific events of October 7th and the 133 hostages still being held by Hamas in Gaza, which borders Egypt, the site of the original Exodus story. Thousands of years after the Israelites were freed from slavery, we now have 133 being held captive for over six months just kilometers from where their forefathers and foremothers were held captive.

The word in Hebrew for Egypt, where the Israelites were enslaved for approximately 215 years, is Mitzrayim which has in its root the word tzar or narrow. On the literal level, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt. On the figurative level, they were enslaved in their minds, in that narrow place that doesn’t allow us to see the range of options before us.

Regardless of whether one believes in the religious aspect of the story of the Exodus, it is possible to take from it an empowering mental health message: the strongest prison in which a person is trapped is the one in their own mind. In the story of Exodus, it says that God had the Israelites wander the desert for 40 years because he wanted a new generation, one that was not conditioned to slavery, to enter the Promised Land. The previous generation was so entrenched in the experience of slavery that many regretted leaving Egypt and the known evil for the terrifying unknown of freedom. Today, we see behavior such as this in women and men who stay in abusive and unhealthy relationships rather than seek freedom from their abuser; we see this in people who are afraid to leave toxic work environments for the fear of the unknown - also known as “the golden handcuffs'' which is when the salary and benefits are so good that one is willing to put up with maltreatment and/or toxicity; and we see this in many other examples of the human experience.

I literally could write a book on examples of people that managed to overcome inhumane conditions, such as survivors of the holocaust, oppression and persecution, r**e, tragic loss, and extreme violence. Instead, I’ll suggest you listen to this episode of The Happiness Lab: https://open.spotify.com/episode/66F3FJC5bEI336iFRmbSfw?si=a36ebefc1f1a4f1a in which Dr. Laurie Santos discusses “Simple Ways to Feel Great Every Day with Dr. Ranjan Chaterjee and to read the book "The Choice: Embrace the Possible" by Dr. Edith Eva Eger.

I’m going to leave you with two songs that I happen to love and that are extremely relevant to this topic. The first is Go Down Moses by Louis Armstrong: https://open.spotify.com/track/6Me5YpJJIxOMJK5kYPxTvI?si=51d2a38092c64930. Not only is this song literally about the Exodus but also an African American spiritual for freedom from the slavery of the colonies and later the United States. In this rendition, Louis (whom I adore so much one of my dogs is named after him) sings this song with an upbeat rhythm. I hear in it a hopefulness, a joy for life and a choice to have a can-do attitude that won’t allow anything to break us.

The second song is Free Your Minds by En Vogue: https://open.spotify.com/track/2vG1yrWSMiL6egg6w4e9ma?si=c277240772324f02. This an “oldie” from the 90s. I’m old enough that I danced to it with my besties during my college days, which happened to be in Israel so we’ve come full circle! This song is fun and is a great reminder to “free your mind and the rest will follow”.

Dear friends, I wish those who celebrate a happy and meaningful Passover. I wish for all of us and the world freedom from the literal and figurative chains that hold us captive and limit us.

With love,
Dassy

05/04/2024

Anxiety is part of the human condition. We all have it to some extent. Share the name of your anxiety in the comments below.

04/04/2024

Holistic integrative psychotherapy, incorporating talk therapy techniques, somatic therapy, and energy healing.

19/03/2024

Please support my amazing daughter as she fundraises for Best Buddies, a national organization that pairs people with intellectual and developmental disabilities with peer buddies and creates job training, job opportunities, and adaptive independent living communities for them.

Help me create a more inclusive community for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities by supporting Best Buddies

14/03/2024

Dear Fellow Humans,

This edition of DFH has been stewing in my head for some time now. Yesterday, I searched for the photos that I wanted to include with a plan to sit down today to finally knock out the written portion. My original inspiration for this piece was the pure joy I feel in the small moments shared with my two dogs, Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald. My intention was to share the wellness benefits of living with a pet. I will get to that part shortly.

The universe has quite the sense of humor: exactly on the day that I intended to write about the joy my dogs bring me, two not so joyous dog-related events took place:

On the way to school this morning, my youngest informed me that one of the dogs had p**ped on the rug upstairs. Oh, joy. My initial thought was: “Do I really feel inspired now to write about spooning with my dog after one of them p**ped, yet again, in the house? After dropping off the kids, I headed up the stairs to clean it up. [Word to the wise for all you pet parents out there: invest in a robot vacuum and a carpet shampooer.]

Since the universe was feeling extra frisky today, someone left the front gate unlatched so that when I let the dogs out to get them ready for our morning walk - after cleaning their p**p from the rug - they were able to open the gate and run out before I had the leashes on them. Oh, joy, take 2. It all happened so fast that I just stood there for a moment, frozen in place, questioning whether that did in fact happen. I called out to them knowing full well they wouldn’t just pop a u-turn and come back. Again, I thought, “so much for the joy of spooning with my dogs” and considered scrapping this whole idea. I got in my car and started driving up the street. I found them, stopped, got out the car, opened the back door and called them over. They started coming towards me then turned and ran back up the street, probably chanting: nah nah nah nah nah nah, you can’t catch us! So, back in my car to follow them up again. The second time was a charm, they ran to me and the open car door, I was able to get them inside, and we drove back home. The whole ordeal was probably not more than 3 minutes - I got really lucky, and so did they because a few cars dove past as this was all going down.

While I was walking with them, properly this time with leashes, I again considered whether it would be misleading of me to write about the pure love and joy I feel when interacting with my dogs considering that they gave me a pretty rough morning. Then I realized that, exactly because of the events of this morning, I should write this. Any parent of a human child will tell you that they often find themselves breathless by the love they feel for their children and, without missing a beat, that parenting is exhausting, ages us, frays our nerves, and puts a cramp in our style. For those of us who chose to be parents, the love we have for our children is worth the hard parts. I’m not equating human babies to fury babies, but rather noting that it’s virtually impossible to experience the good in life without also experiencing the bad. The bad is what makes the good so good. The more I reflected on it, the less negative it all seemed. I was able to check my negativity bias and focus on the positive aspects of what happened: 1) they eventually came to me and hopped in the car because they love and trust me; 2) I did not feel like walking this morning because I didn’t sleep well last night but, thanks to them, I walked and felt much better for it.

Now onto the wellness benefits of living with a pet. Louis and Ella are siblings. I was planning on getting only one dog, but when I saw them, I didn't have the heart to separate them. We adopted them when they were 10 weeks old. They are now 6. Ella is the smart one. She’s feisty and a lover - she’ll French kiss you if you let her. Louis is a bit of an oaf but has the sweetest soul. He loves to cuddle. In the morning, Ella will jump on my bed and lick me to get me up so I’ll let her out. Louis, on the other hand, will jump on the bed and spoon with me. Guess which one is my favorite. The photos above are of Louis in various modes of cuddling with me, all initiated by him.

Spooning with a fellow human is great. Spooning with your dog is something else entirely. The dogs and I share many moments throughout the day, sometimes staring into each other's eyes, sometimes forehead to forehead, sometimes with me burying my face in the fur behind their ears. The love and comfort they provide me come with no strings attached, no expectations, no whining, no manipulation. They accept me for who I am as I am at any given moment. They are there for a quick or extended moment of connection when I need one, even providing me with them when I didn’t realize I needed one, as in the photos above. They remind me that we can find connection with others even without exchanging a word. The dogs connect me to the larger animal kingdom, reminding me that the world is not just about us faulty humans, and that we are part of something so much larger than just our human existence.

I realize that not everyone is an animal person and that not everyone wants to have a pet or perhaps cannot have one due to their living situation. Please allow me to suggest cuddling with a large stuffed animal (I’m totally serious) and investing in a weighted blanket and a heating pad. These are ways to simulate the experience of cuddling with a warm being, human or animal, despite one not actually being there.

My friends, my initial intention when the idea of this edition of Dear Fellow Human came to mind was to focus on the warm and fuzzy aspects of living with a pet. This morning, however, the universe instructed me to keep it real. There are lots of warm and fuzzy moments, but there are also sleepless nights and anxious days because of my dogs (not to mention the occasional p**p on my finger, most recently this morning). The love and joy my family, visitors to our home, and I experience in sweet moments with Louis and Ella, the walks they take me on, and the sense of purpose provided by caring for another make it all worthwhile.

With love,
Dassy, Louis, and Ella 🐾