13/01/2026
I was 31 when I gave birth to our first son. He was supposed to be born in water. Instead, he was born on an operating table.
For the first 5 days of his life, he refused to latch.
I felt like a failure.
5 days of him screaming at my breast.
5 days of him refusing to wake for feeds.
5 days of me feeding him from a tube attached to my finger because I was petrified of giving him a bottle.
Until my mother in law showed up and brought along her decades of experience in La Leche League. She showed me how to hand express and get my sweet baby latched. (I am sure she was praying too...her first grandbaby).
That baby boy went on to breastfeed well into his toddler years.
But I never forgot that day.
Its like an out of body experience.
Me sitting in a glider just spent.
Exhausted in my mind, my body, my spirit.
I walked that road. When I look back, 15 years later I now understand. I walked that road so I could understand the grief, the exhaustion, the guilt.
You don't have to walk it alone.
I will be your guide.
Reach out if you need support.
**pic is me, using an SNS tube to feed my very jaundiced 3 day old baby.
