02/19/2026
Hello Scarred Heart family & followers. (LONG post warning)
First, on behalf of Jacob Huffman's family, we want to thank all the community friends that ventured out this past Sunday in the cold rain to attend the chicken dinner fundraiser at Pisgah United Methodist Church.
The community center was packed with people & kids running around and Jacob's dad, David, said they sold 600 lunch plates.
That's a boatload of chicken!!!
The dessert table was my nemesis and a total danger zone...grrrr.
So...many...choices.
The proceeds from the event are going to the Jacob Huffman Scholarship, started by his family, to help students that are wanting to get into a trade as their chosen career.
This would include mechanics, HVAC technicians, plumbers, welders, electricians, masonry workers, carpenters, etc.
If you have a student, or know of one, that would like to get into one of these trades in the future, go to the North Iredell High School website to find more info and the application.
David Huffman
The next event we are taking a part in, is the "Carli Jordan White Adopt-A-Highway Clean Up" on March 7th, starting at 10AM.
We'll meet at 490 SWANN RD. STATESVILLE, NC.
High visibilty vests, gloves, and bags will be provided.
Carli's mom, Lisa, predicts it'll take about 90 minutes.
If you have any small books you'd like to donate to "Carli's Roadside Library", bring those too. Lisa Jordan
Then after that, for all you motorcycle enthusiasts, on Saturday March 14th, we'll be joining in on the Elijah Moore Memorial ride, in Hickory, starting at the Son Of The South Saloon. Sign up is at 12pm, kickstands up after that (TBD).
Proceeds from this ride go to "Mike's Hand Up Charities" in memory of Elijah Moore, for kids pursuing their rock-n-roll dreams. Heather Seagle
A few weeks ago, as I was cleaning a part of the old barn at my place, I opened Pandora's Box. It was a small Spiderman suitcase.
I knew what was going to be inside. If I were smart and wanted to stay focused on the task at hand, I would have set it aside and kept working. But that's a bigger ask.
The suitcase was covered in 10 years of dust. The small wheels spun freely and the handle slid out on its own when I picked it up.
The zipper was last closed by me, and it didn't want to move easily. There was a small piece of red shoelace material tied to the zipper, and it broke under the zippers unwillingness to cooperate.
Maybe that was my Elijah's way of telling me to leave it alone and get back to work. He knows me best, but I didn't listen. I knew that when I opened that lid, I was done working. And I couldn't help it.
Tucked inside, was one of those vacuum bags you suck all the air out with a shop vac. It was still holding its vacuum.
Through the clear plastic I could see scrunched up little socks, t-shirts, denim, lots of colors, and his plush "Lamby".
My first thought holding that bag was, "Would I be able to smell him?". If the smell was there, would opening that bag take it away forever? Should I leave it alone? "Why Matt...that's not mentally healthy. You can't keep it like that forever. You have to keep living. Open it."
I stared at the bag for probably 5 minutes wrestling with my own thoughts. To open, or not to open. That is the question. Should I flip a coin? This is silly; open the bag dummy.
I found the edge where the double zip-lock seal was. My fingers attempted to separate the two layers of plastic, but this thing must be child proof, because I couldn't get it open. My eyebrows went down, my forehead wrinkled, and I growled out loud.
"Elijah...Let me open this bag right now. Don't make me come up there!"
And just like that, it opened, hissing as it sucked in air from 2026.
The first thing I pulled out was a toddler sized yellow t-shirt with a baseball and a bat printed in red. I put it to my face, closed my eyes, and breathed him in. My brain told me he was there. I could see him in my thoughts: 4yrs old, running through the living room wearing that shirt, some Batman underwear, and carrying his favorite John Deere tractor.
The next part of the bag had 5 pairs of short socks, all balled up into themselves. I remember him fighting me as I tried to get each one over his size 3 foot. I would try to sound threatening saying "Dude...if you don't hold still and let me put this sock on, you're going to do it yourself. AND you're not going outside until you have socks and shoes on!!!" He laughed at me.
So I tickled him until he gave up.
The next thing in the bag was a pair of blue jeans. You know...The kind with the curled up, red, elastic band that you could tighten up and secure with buttons if the jeans were too big. He loved wearing jeans at the farm. It meant there were chores to do, eggs to retrieve from the chicken coop, or a tractor that needed to be driven. He grew so fast in height, lots of times the waistband fit perfectly but his white socks were showing out of the bottom above his sneakers, so he looked like he was wearing highwaters.
The thought makes me smile.
All of these things that my brain has recorded and they remain perfect in my mind. Its a double-edged sword; a huge conflict of happy memories and sadness because of his absence.
The last thing I pulled from that bag, was his "Lamby".
Now "Lamby" was this small 12" soft...I don't know, towel? Its not a blanket, because it wouldn't cover anything, but at one corner there was a small lamb's head. It was ESSENTIAL for going to sleep. He had to have it wherever we went. Every road trip, every relative's house, every night. I actually bought, probably 3 of those just in case one was left somewhere, lost, or destroyed with toddler puke. Sometimes as a parent, you go into your child's room, dimly lit by a Winnie-The-Pooh night light, and watch them sleep. It's a beautiful thing to see them sleeping peacefully, mouth open a little, clutching their favorite stuffed animal or "Lamby". I did that countless times.
This feeling is the epitome of unconditional love. It is so strong.
And that's why losing them is felt so deeply and the sadness never goes away. It is unrecoverable.
This post is wrecking me right at this moment. Just to relive it.
Its exhausting to tell. But if I don't, it will be like it never happened.
If I don't tell it, another parent out there will think they have lost their mind and they'll think they're going crazy. You're not crazy.
It's just how it is with parents like us.
When you all see us out there living, working, smiling when we can... just know, this is what goes on behind closed doors, so to speak, when you don't see us.
It's almost non stop, unless we can distract ourselves just enough not to be sad.
Thanks for reading all of this.
Tonight is our monthly parent gathering at Lake Mountain Coffee Statesville. We arrive at about 6pm-ish and hang out until 8pm.
Tonight's food will be provided by Bailey Miller's family.
Bailey would be turning 15 on February 22. Bobijo Miller
If you, or someone you know, has lost a child of any age, we extend an invitation to join us. We aren't counselors, we're just parents navigating this great loss in our lives, and trying to share ways to cope or survive. If you do decide to join us, please bring a favorite picture of your child, or children, to hang up on "Bailey's Wall" while we hang out.
Thanks everyone.
Matt
