Anchored In Hope: My Journey Through Terminal Illness

04/30/2026

Learn how to dance in the rain! 🌧️

04/30/2026

It's human nature to only want the good in life and not the bad but unfortunately the reality that in life we're going to have both. I think Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said it best in his poem The Rainy Day "Into every life a little rain must fall." It's the hard days that make us stronger. We would never grow if all we ever had were good days in life. Regardless though, I think we can all admit that bad things happening are very unpleasant.
The danger is thinking that we're so entitled that we don't deserve any of the bad. Accepting the bad along with the good is necessary because hardship fosters personal growth, resilience, and empathy. It makes the joyful times meaningful. We wouldn't appreciate the good times as much if we never experienced the bad times. Refusing to accept bad experiences can lead to bitterness. Embracing them allows you to find purpose, learn lessons, and gain the perspective needed for true personal growth. So learn how to dance in the rain and make the most of the joyful times in life!

04/30/2026

This morning's medical diagnosis hits hard but the awesome and amazing thing is regardless of our circumstances God's goodness never changes. Just because life may not feel good at the moment it doesn't affect the goodness of God. He is always good.

04/28/2026

Yesterday was my appointment with my neurologist and he prescribed me Aricept to help slow my cognitive decline. I have accepted my cognitive impairment but seeing the prescription label in print definitely affected me. I guess it is one thing to accept it in your head and to talk about it but it's another thing to see it in print. Seeing it in the form of a prescription bottle made me feel a lot of different emotions that I wasn't prepared for. It made me sad because my Mom took the same prescription so it made me feel grief and fear. Grief because it's a tie to her and fear because I don't want to have dementia or Alzheimer's after seeing everything she went through. Anger mixed with fear because why do I have to be so sick? Two of my illnesses are commonly associated with what elderly people get and I'm not elderly.
However, I moved past that because I remembered that come what may God has me in the palm of His hand. As long as He has me I don't need to be afraid. He's been with me through this whole journey and He will continue to be with me until He calls me Home. Yes, I don't know the answers as to why I have to be so sick but I can trust the One who knows. I know His plan for me is good even if it doesn't look good to me in the moment.
I don't know what you are going through and what you might be facing that scares you when you look at it, but God sees you, and He knows. Whatever it is, you can trust Him. Just like me looking at the prescription bottle label and being overcome with grief and fear you can either choose to give into the fear or you can turn the fear over to the Lord. I can't change my circumstances but I can place the circumstances in God's hands and let Him take care of me. Like the old hymn says "What have I to dread? What Have I to fear? Leaning on the Everlasting Arms. I have blessed peace with my Lord so near. Leaning on the Everlasting Arms. As it also says in the hymn "safe and secure from all alarm."
Sometimes we can get rattled by the giants in our lives that we forget that Jesus has already defeated the giants. He is bigger than any mountain in our life! He is bigger than cognitive impairment and MSA/P in my life, and He is bigger than anything in your life. Yes, we can't see into the future and sometimes the future can look frightening but we can trust in the very one who holds our future. He will take care of us because He loves us more than we can ever comprehend. So we can place the giant at the feet of Jesus and let Him fight our battles for us.

04/26/2026

I wanted to share my paintings that I have done since I recently mentioned how I have taken up watercolor painting. It is very relaxing and calming for me and gives me joy. If you are looking for a new hobby to try I would highly recommend it. Also, if you are a caregiver and looking for something stimulating for your client but not overstimulating it might be something to try with them.

04/26/2026

How do you handle stress during difficult times? Let's hear what you do. It could help someone else with managing their stress.

04/20/2026

I'm going to do something different today that I hope can help others have an idea into what mild cognitive impairment is like or dementia, Alzheimer's, etc. The whole purpose of this blog is for educational purposes and if this can help others then I'm fulfilling the purpose of my blog.
This morning I woke up and for some reason I was very distressed that I was all alone in the house. Everyone was at work which is normal but I couldn't stand the thought of being alone. It almost led me to full fledged panic mode. I was trying to think of how I could go and be around others but then remembered I no longer drive or have a vehicle. I don't like being alone but most of the time I am fine. I turned on the radio so that I could hear voices of the DJ'S and Christian music. That helped calm me down and then I called a friend of mine on the phone and that helped too. Even though she didn't know how my morning was going just hearing another voice was extremely helpful.
As my illness has been progressing I have a lot more episodes of anxiety and confusion. It's not fun and it's exhausting. Sometimes I am not even sure where I am at times. Thankfully when it happens I don't find it stressful because I am usually thinking that I might be at my grandparent's house and that was a safe and happy place. I have to go through the process of elimination to figure out if I am there or at my house. I'm thankful that I can do that. I know that there will probably come a time when I will no longer be able to do that but for now I just take it day by day.
I can only imagine how much worse all of the anxiety and confusion is for those with dementia or Alzheimer's. I'm bracing myself for what my doctors might say concerning my mild cognitive impairment because it definitely doesn't seem mild anymore. While I am able to write about my experiences with my illnesses I want to because not many people that have cognitive impairment write about their personal experiences. I feel it could be helpful to see things from a person with the disease in order to help and educate others. I have been blessed to see it due to my Mom having Alzheimer's and being her caregiver but it's certainly different when you're living it.
What is the world like for me nowadays? It's busy and way too loud for me and full of uncertainty and anxiety. I don't like to go anywhere because of it. Plus, most of the time I am way too exhausted to go anywhere anyway but when I do have to go anywhere I hate it because the world is just too busy and loud. The only places I go anymore are to doctor's appointments. Then it can be with much dramatics. This isn't healthy me at all but sadly it is my new normal with being so sick. Being out in the world is very overstimulating for me as I'm sure most people with cognitive impairment can relate to. Although I know it's not the case for everyone. Not everyone's case is identical.
Next time I will write about trying to follow conversations, TV shows, and movies. This illness affects more than what most people think. Stay tuned! 🙂🙂🙂

04/20/2026

04/20/2026

Let's share! What do you tell yourself when life gets challenging?

04/18/2026

Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being's suffering. Nothing—not career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we're going to survive with dignity.” Audrey Hepburn

🩵🙏🏼🩵 Leila

04/18/2026

04/18/2026

While in the past I have briefly touched on MSA/P I have never fully dive into the topic. MSA/P is such a rare illness that most people have never heard of it. For those who aren't familiar with MSA/P I will explain what it is. It is a terminal illness that causes Parkinson's-like symptoms, but also causes significant autonomic nervous system failure. The symptoms tend to progress faster than in Parkinson's disease.
One of the horrible things about MSA/P is the mild cognitive impairment. It affects a person's memory of course but also their attention span, as well as mild personality changes compared to someone with dementia I truly don't think my mild cognitive impairment that I have had for over a year is mild anymore. I see my neurologist on the 27th and I will see what he says, but to my family and I it definitely seems to have progressed. MSA/P affects the person's balance and coordination, it gives them dysphagia (at risk for choking). Almost every day I am choking on something. I have to be careful what I eat and be careful when drinking fluids to not choke. It makes them extremely weak and exhausted. I sleep a lot! Most days I sleep more than I am awake. I have bad visuospatial impairment. I have slowness of movement, muscle stiffness, tremors, shuffling gait, etc. The sickness has given me extreme anxiety that I never had before becoming ill.
I have reached the point where I have to have a full time caregiver. However, I am still hopeful and content. That might sound strange after delving into what MSA/P is like for me. It's because I know that come what may I am safe in God's hands. I know that in life and death He has me. I know that my Father in Heaven will never leave me or forsake me. The Lord has always taken care of me and I know that He will continue to. When you know that you are loved beyond all measure by the Lord Jesus it is impossible to not have hope, faith, joy, and peace in the midst of the storm.
You may not be struggling with severe health issues but in life we all have storms that we will go through. So my question for you today is where is your hope placed? Is it in this life? In your job, marriage, money, material possessions, etc.? If so, then your hope is misplaced. Those things are wonderful and great but it's temporary. All those things come and go in life. Our hope needs to be placed in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is eternal and sure and steady. If you don't know Him as your Lord and Savior then I encourage you today to accept Him as your Savior. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. ❤️❤️❤️