Dr. Itzel Orduña

10/09/2025

In my last post, I talked about parental consideration -noticing and interpreting our children’s experience before responding - as a process, rather than a fixed standard to either have or aim for.

Thinking of this as a process decreases the pressure to have things already figured out. It allows us to reframe difficult situations as information to guide our own learning rather than proof of our (or our children’s) failure. It makes room for self-compassion; it motivates, rather than inhibits, our growth.

Parental consideration isn't about doing it "right" every time. It's about gradually getting better at tuning into your child's actual experience, even imperfectly.

But most importantly, it’s about learning to do so in the here and now.

That "here and now" piece is essential. But staying present with our child's actual experience, noticing what IS rather than what should be, is often harder than it sounds.

What gets in the way?
Two major barriers often pull us away from truly seeing our child's experience: our minds leave the present moment, and our adult lens distorts what we're seeing. Let me explain what I mean.

First, our minds pull us away from "right now." When our child struggles with something, we often get caught in:

Past-focused thinking: "He was able to handle this last week, why can't he do it now? Is he regressing?" or "She's done this perfectly before, so she must be choosing not to cooperate."

Future-focused worrying: "If she can't handle this simple request, how will she ever manage school/friendships/life?" or "He'll never learn independence if I keep helping him.”

But even when we manage to stay in the present moment, this isn’t necessarily enough. We also need to see clearly - and that's where the second barrier comes in:

Our adult lens distorts what we see. We often fail to recognize what feels "complex" or overwhelming to our children because we're interpreting difficulty from our adult perspective, or based on some imaginary standard of what children "should" be able to handle.

Think about your own experience for a moment. When you're stressed, overwhelmed, or tired, you need different support than when you're well-rested and calm. Someone asking you to tackle a complex project when you're already maxed out feels completely different than the same request when you're feeling capable and energized.

The same is true for our children, but we often miss it because what feels "simple" to us might feel overwhelming to them in that moment.

So how do we counter these barriers?
Parental consideration means asking: "How is my child experiencing this moment?" - not how they should be experiencing it, but what the experience actually is for them.

The magic happens when you stay present with what's actually happening right now. Instead of comparing this moment to yesterday, projecting into tomorrow, or comparing it to some abstract standard, parental consideration asks:

· "What can my child actually handle in this moment?"
· "Why might they be struggling with this situation today?”
· What support do they need to be successful right now?"
· "How can I respond to who they are today, not who I think they should be?"

This shift from "should" to "is" isn't lowering expectations, it's meeting your child where they actually are so you can effectively support their growth.

But you don't need to master all of this before you see change.

Here's what's empowering about this shift: once you start noticing patterns in your child's experience, you'll naturally begin to see where small adjustments can help. Research shows that small, well-timed changes - in timing, tone, or context - often matter more than big interventions.

You're not failing when big interventions don't work; you're discovering the power of precision over force.

This shift takes practice, but every time you pause to notice what IS rather than what should be, you're building this skill. Start with one moment, one interaction; maybe even pick a moment when things are going well rather than a challenging one. No expectations, just curiosity.

Dr. Itzel Orduña | Licensed Psychologist
Specializing in child development and family dynamics.

10/03/2025

In my last post, I talked about a common element found across approaches that support children’s growth, whether academic, socio-emotional, or cognitive: taking the child’s experience and viewpoint into account. The researchers called this “Parental Consideration”.

Parental Consideration isn’t one specific technique to use with your child. Rather, you can think of it as an essential ingredient that can look different depending on how it’s prepared and what dish you’re making, but which always helps the dish taste better.

But what does this "essential Ingredient" look like, and what various forms can it take?

According to the research, parents are facilitating their children's development and learning when they:

Pay attention to all aspects of their children’s experience (verbal and non-verbal)

Acknowledge, validate, and consider their child’s emotions

Take their child’s current capacity and state into account

Foster their child’s active participation

Take their child’s interests and opinions into account

Use collaborative and informational language when talking to their child.

Notice how these all involve some aspects of noticing, interpreting and responding to the child’s experience or point of view, that Notice-Interpret-Respond framework I mentioned earlier.

You can see that the ingredient isn't actually a 'what' but a 'how”. It’s not about specific techniques you do TO your child, but about the quality of attention and understanding you bring to your interactions with them.

This is why parental consideration can look so different, yet have the same helpful effect across situations, and why it can be adapted to different ages and contexts. It's a versatile ingredient: the form changes, but the essence remains the same.

But here's the thing: noticing, interpreting, and responding with consideration aren't intuitive skills you can simply decide to implement perfectly starting tomorrow. They're nuanced processes that develop over time and with practice.

Reframing these qualities as a "how" instead of a "what" can help take the pressure off through our parenting journey. Often, parenting advice we see online or receive from others (including professionals) can feel like predetermined solutions we just need to apply as instructed. Yet the solutions can be confusing or frustrating because the advice is often disconnected from what we know about our child and what feels actually doable within our family life. This is because the advice is often a fixed "what," whereas parental consideration is a dynamic "how", a process you adjust and improve as you go along.

Understanding parental consideration as a flexible process rather than a fixed formula can take some pressure off. But knowing this doesn't automatically make it easy in the heat of the moment or tells you where to start.

In my next post: What gets in the way of tuning into our child's experience, and how small shifts can help us start overcoming those barriers.

09/24/2025

Remember that parenting crash cycle? The frustration of strategies that work one day but fail the next?

In a recent study (2022), researchers Joussemet and Grolnick analyzed decades of parenting research and found that, despite coming from completely different scientific traditions, the parenting dimensions that support healthy development - whether called 'sensitivity,' 'responsiveness,' or 'autonomy support' - seemed to share something fundamental that gets to the root of understanding and connecting with our children. They called it "parental consideration" - consistently taking our child's viewpoint and experience into account.

This wasn’t just another parenting technique, but rather a way to describe, using a unifying concept, the various “ways of being” with our children that can actually support them, both in the moment, and long term.

The research shows that parental consideration works across cultures, ages, and contexts because it honors something fundamental about how children develop.

As the researchers explain: "When parents notice their children's signals and accurately interpret them before responding by considering whatever needs to be taken into account (child's emotion, state, capacity, interest, and opinion) children's adjustment is facilitated."

You can see this follows a natural sequence:

Notice → Interpret → Respond

This isn't about perfect parenting, specific techniques, or having all the answers. It's about developing a different way of thinking - one that starts with curiosity about our children's experience rather than judgment about their (and our!) behavior.

Your child's behavior is information. Learning to notice and read that information accurately can transform how you’re able to respond to it.

In my next post: What this can look like in real life, why it’s often easier said than done, and how small shifts can help us start overcoming barriers.

09/20/2025

The Parenting Crash Cycle: When Yesterday's Success Becomes Today's Failure

We've all been there. One day we're "killing it" as parents, confidently gliding through the sky with our newly gained wisdom. "Maybe I finally got it," we think as the morning routine flows smoothly and arguments dissolve easily.

But just as we start looking down at the lowly mortals who still haven’t figured it out, we feel it: we're losing altitude. We're speeding up, we’re going down instead of up! We pull all our tried-and-true tricks, but... CRASH.

There it is again - the meltdown, the arguments, the "why-oh-why did this work yesterday but not today?!"

As a child psychologist, I see this frustration constantly. Parents try everything but nothing seems to work consistently. One day your child responds beautifully to redirection, the next day the exact same approach triggers a complete meltdown.

The questions I tend to get are often alike: "What should I be doing more or less of? What secret ingredient am I missing?"

Here's what research shows: there's a reason why strategies work inconsistently, and it's not because you're failing as a parent.

When researchers studied parenting approaches that consistently predict positive outcomes, they found they all share one crucial element: consistently taking your child's viewpoint and experience into account.

The critical question isn't "What strategy should I use?" but "What is my child experiencing right now?"

NOT what we think they should be experiencing, but what they actually are, in this moment.

This shift from reacting to their behavior to responding to their experience can make all the difference. This isn't easy to improvise, but it’s a learnable skill.

What's your biggest "worked yesterday, failed today" parenting moment? Share in the comments!

In my next post: The research that brings cohesion to parenting principles that work, and how this understanding can illuminate your own path forward.

Dr. Itzel Orduña | Licensed Psychologist
Specializing in child development and family dynamics

08/11/2025

I'm thrilled to introduce Brainforest Resonance™ - a new framework I've developed that integrates breakthrough forest science with dynamic systems theory and human
development. This work bridges my neuroscience background and clinical expertise with fascinating research on how trees communicate through underground networks, with the goal of translating scientific insights into practical applications for families and professionals.

Learn more: Brainforestresonance.com
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Read my first piece on the science behind it: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579117898664

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Brainforest Resonance™ is a proprietary framework developed by Dr. Itzel Orduña, integrating forest science with dynamic systems theory and human development. © 2025 Dr. Itzel Orduña.
All content and concepts are protected intellectual property.

04/21/2025

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1Km9VnoL41/?mibextid=wwXIfr

01/15/2024

Whether it's bravery or anything else, children (and adults!) learn best when the experience and contexts are meaningful to them.

I love this. It’s about what feels brave to THEM; not what we want them to accomplish.
With love,
Sarah, author of “Peaceful Discipline”♥️🙏
📷Parenting Beyond Punishment AKA Amy Bryant, Wild Child Counseling, and seen first at Dr. Matt Zakreski

01/15/2024

This. This a million times over. You did what you could with the tools, resources, and emotional capacity you had at the time. You have grown since then. ❤️
With love,
Sarah, author of "Peaceful Discipline
📷 Moms of Bigs via In-Sync Child

01/15/2024

If we’re shutting feelings down or trying to extinguish them straight away, then there are no feelings for a child to regulate.

So we can’t expect children to learn emotional regulation without allowing and encouraging them to feel all of their feelings first…

…as much as humanly possible of course. I always try to hold space for my son’s feelings but sometimes I fail as I’m not regulated myself. That’s okay. This emotional regulation business is hard work, for adults and children both!