Mike Shumate, PhD, Christian Counselor

05/19/2025

Moms and Dads, take a listen. I hope you find some things that are helpful.

Sunday morning worship at the Concord Street Church of Christ on May 18, 2025. David Pharr preached a sermon titled “Family Matters: Our Children”.

01/16/2025

03/28/2024

Many of us have seen a romantic movie in the theater. It doesn't matter if it is a cartoon film like Snow White or a more realistic one with Rock Hudson chasing Doris Day on the screen for an hour and a half. The conclusion is always the same, "they lived happily ever after."
But believing that is not realistic, because it hardly ever happens. It's not that we don't strive for "happily ever after." We do strive, but still, most Americans fail to achieve it. In the beginning, it seemed so happy. There is a phase of marriage called "limerence" where the couple thinks they have married perfect beings. When the woman sees the man, she thinks he is invincible. When the man sees the woman, he thinks she floats on air. The trouble is that feeling doesn't last. Soon both realize they haven't married perfect beings or invincible heroes, but a real person with real flaws. They realize that they are not very happy with the person they married, but they are willing to try. If they don't find a way to bring back all the feelings and happiness, they need to see a counselor.
That leads us to one of the facts that is hard to understand, how long will they delay before they see a counselor? According to John Gottman, the renowned marriage researcher, it will take eight years on average for a couple to seek out a counselor. That means the problems have accumulated for eight years. Their positive view of each other has declined and their dislike for each other has increased for eight years. It also means the counselor will have to deal with eight years of conflicts, attitudes, and thoughts about their marriage. Eight years of friends' advice including, in my view, the worst, hearing their friends saying over and over that they need to get a divorce.
I urge you to find a counselor who will try to help you restore your relationship before your list of problems gets too big. The sooner the better.

02/21/2023

Have you noticed that things seem to go downhill as they get older. A car show has old cars that have gotten old and someone has stepped up and restored the car. We had an older man we knew that showed some of his hard work and skills by restoring older cars and trucks. When he finished, they made my car look old.
The same is true of problems. They just do not get better with time. A good example is the “seven-year itch” where a great marriage suddenly goes bad. The truth about the situation is that it has been going bad for a long time.
Stephen James, in an article for Sage Magazine, writes that troubles can begin in the very first year of marriage. Sometimes, we see the opposite s*x and they look like the person we always dreamed about. We marry them and then find out they may look good on the outside, but there is also an inside and it might not be all we dreamed about.
In his studies James found there were certain years when there were more divorces filed, the third, the fifth, and the seventh year. The reasons are many but there are four main problems, body, mind, heart and soul.
First, the body which refers to keeping yourself physically attractive to the person you married. This is often the first thing that drew you together and it is an important factor in keeping couples together. Dress up to impress your mate. Have a date night when you are going out and make it apriority to impress the other.
Second, comes the mind. Tell the other person about your ideas, ask them what they are thinking about and what their plans are. Have meaningful conversation about what you think and work hard to make sure the other person hears and understands. This allows you to let your partner know that what you think is important to them.
Next your heart, reveal your feelings. Be honest when it comes to the good, the bad and the ugly. It is so important that your mate knows it is safe to be who they are and reveal their feelings. Let your mate be your best friend, one that you can tell everything to and know it is safe.
Last, but not least is spiritual values. Show an attitude of acceptance of their values. Let them know that you will help keep them.
Is your marriage getting old? Do you need help restoring it? If you need someone to listen and talk to about problems you are dealing with, call me at 321-408-9159.

01/02/2023

Christmas has come and gone and so has the New Year. Everyone was on such a high emotionally but now it can be quite a different story. Now we are thinking about what is going on in our lives. There are those that thought that they would be way further up the ladder at work, but instead, they are still in a position in the company that isn’t very satisfactory. They thought that they would be making more money with benefits, but it hasn’t happened.
Then there are some of us that thought that a lot more friends really liked us, but when the parties and dinners happened over the Holidays, somehow, we got left off the list. Their Christmas cards didn’t decorate the wall as they did in past years. You used to be invited to Christmas dinner at your best friend’s home, but this year they went on a cruise with their family. You spent Christmas day alone watching football.
Some people get so into the holiday that they are on top of the mountain, but when you are on the top of the mountain you must come down. You think that everyone will love what you purchased for them, but they didn’t. They thought the sweater was ugly and the fruitcake wasn’t very appreciated either.
Finally, there are those that were looking toward the end of the year with the hope that somehow their lives would be on the upswing. Maybe they could forget all the problems that had been plaguing their marriage. It is still the same, however, even though New Year promises to forget past problems and make a new start. There are people who every year think that this is going to be the year that they can get over the fact that a friend or family member died and isn’t with them anymore, but it is still hurting.
Christmas and the New Year can be a great time and it is enjoyed by many, but there are people that don’t feel that way. If getting over the holidays is hard for you, consider finding a counselor that will listen and help you get through the aftermath, someone that will not criticize, but understand. It can make a difference.

12/29/2022

If you are feeling oppressed, dealing with troubles, maybe overwhelmed, and looking for someone who will give you an unbiased, safe, and productive opportunity to process your experiences, give me a call and we will set up an appointment to talk.

12/24/2022

Give me a call or message me if you just need someone to listen and walk with you.

12/16/2022

In case yesterday was hard... can I interrupt your scroll to just whisper a simple but kind-of profound reality?
Friend, you got through it. And some days, just the getting through is an epic display of grit and courage and healing. I’m so proud of you.
And, if no one else has told you how much you’re loved today, your eternal Father will, “The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing,” Zephaniah 3:17.
From: Lysa Terkeurst

If you are having hard days and want someone to talk to who will listen to you unjudgmentally, message me and we will make an appointment.