01/09/2025
When my son, Roger passed, this was the hardest thing to do. I wasn't suicidal but I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Every morning I had to talk myself out of bed and remind myself, what will happen if I don't go to work. A part of me died that day, when they told me they did everything they could but Roger didn't make it.
The grief and despair was paralyzing. I bartered with God to take me, and let my son live. I asked myself constantly, how can I continue to live, when one of my children isn't walking this earth anymore? Ppl told me, at least you have other kids. Which infuriated me, and I wanted to ask, which one of your kids could you live without? They tell me, you're so strong, well I never, ever, ever wanted to be this fu**in strong. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Today I can say I'm surviving, Roger used to tell me, "Smile for Me" (which I tattooed his writing on my chest, backwards. So when I look in the mirror I see it. I also got a tattoo of a heart with a missing piece. As a reminder that you can live with a broken 💔... Till we meet again Son, and thank you for the little signs you send me, I SEE YOU!
“Whatever happens, stay alive. Don't die before you're dead. Don't lose yourself, don't lose hope, don't loose direction.
Stay alive, with yourself, with every cell of your body, with every fiber of your skin.
Stay alive, learn, study, think, read, build, invent, create, speak, write, dream, design.
Stay alive, stay alive inside you, stay alive also outside, fill yourself with colors of the world, fill yourself with peace, fill yourself with hope.
Stay alive with joy.
There is only one thing you should not waste in life, and that's life itself."
