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Damian’s Story

Meet Damian, a bright, smart, loving 12 year old boy. Damian seems like your average healthy 12 year old and for the most part he is. He loves to play sports and video games. One difference is Damian suffers from mental health issues, diagnosises, or how ever you want to label it. And that’s what it is a label. Damian has been diagnosied with Severe Emotional Disturbance, PTSD, ADHD, Major Depressive disorder with psychotic features, (sounds scary), Dyslexia, Anxiety disorder, Disruptive Mood Dysregualtion Disorder as well as being very behind for his grade level.

Damian can and has gone from 0 to 100 in 1.5 seconds. He can go from bieng “normal” happy and playing to full on fist fight with his brother at any given moment for no apperant reason. We literally live moment to moment sometimes. When Damian is in his “maniac” episode he will say things that you would only expect to hear from a grown drunk man at a bar. His words are hurtful, disgusting and just down right wrong to hear from your son let alone a child or anyone for that matter. He will punch holes in the wall, he will break anything in his path, and these episodes can last 5 minutes or an hour. He will hit, kick, bite, and just wail on you until he exhusts himself. Then when he comes out of his episode, he has no memory of what happened or what he did or why, all he sees is the damage and destruction and then the tears and im sorrys come in. We spend the next hours and even days sometimes calming him down and repairing the damage. Damian is on medication for these things and outbursts have slowed down, but they still happen. He blurts out inappropriate things at times and doesnt’t understand why what he said was wrong. School has now become another task done at home because he doesn’t show “trigger warnings” and is unpredicatable, so for his safety and saftey of others I home school him, not an easy task since he is supposed to be in 7th grade, but is only at a barely 4th grade level, and this is due to his mental health. One thing we have found to help calm him down is his dogs, just them laying next to him can calm him down. I reccommend a pet if at all possible for anyone with mental health concerns.

Now as the mom and main careprovider this plays hell on me and my mental health. Theres days were I wake up wondering how Damian is going to wake up. Dealing with Damians everyday disabilities takes it toll on his brothers, often times causing them to act out as well. Most of my day is focused on Damian and his needs, and often times the other boys things or wants or needs take the back burner. We don’t do it intentionallty it just happens that way sometimes. Going anywhere in public can be challenging as well, because we don’t know if something is going to trigger Damian. My circle of friends has gotten smaller and smaller because if I do go anywhere without Damian theres a strong possibility I’m going to get a call and have to leave. Having friends over to the house is sometimes easier, but if Damian has a meltdown and people don’t know his story or havent seen a meltdown first hand, they freak out or make comments that just make the situation worse. It’s alot to take to hear a 12 year old cuss out his mom and call her every name in the book because hes just frustrated and cant express it correctly, or to see Damian hit me over and over agian or us wrestle to the ground, or to have to watch me restrain my own child. And before anyone thinks a good ol fashion ass whooping would solve it, no no it won’t. Sometimes, I tell people to think about the movie 50 first dates, thats kinda like how living with Damian sometimes can be.

I have struggled with doctors, CPS, insurnace companies u name it I’ve probably gone a few rounds with them. I habe spent countless hours fighting with insurance companies over whats coverred and whats not, wethere they are the primary or secondary, and don’t even get me started on Social Security for the disabled. The hoops you have to go thru to get anything is impossible, then to just get told you make to much with your petty job for the child to recieve any benefits. People don’t know or understand the disease, and how can we as the parents and the person with disease expect them to if we don’t educate them.

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