LifeWork Counseling

23/09/2021

Be Body Positive Virtual Groups starting in October. Please message me for more information!

18/06/2021

Taking Pride in Your Own Self-Care

In recent years, mental health has finally been getting the recognition it deserves. While the stigma is not erased entirely, we are closer to viewing psychological treatment as no different than seeing a doctor for an ear infection or an ankle injury. In other words, we are headed in the right direction.

This new and improved attitude of acceptance is extraordinarily important for the LGBTQ+ community, a community where mental health struggles can be particularly potent (add in a global pandemic to boot). It allows people the freedom to focus on their mental health, checking shame at the door as they walk through their fears with courage and into a world of wellbeing.

Yet even with this newfound acceptance, getting started can be a challenge, especially for those who have been told that self-care is selfish. But it is not as hard as you might think.

Here are five ways to take pride in your own self-care:

Don’t Wait Until You’re in Crisis: It’s natural to assume that mental health care, be it therapy, attending a support group, or going on a nature walk, is reserved for those in crisis or those suffering from a mental illness or disorder. But proactive mental wellness is just as important as fixing an active problem. Therapy can simply provide a safe place for you to talk to someone (a professional) confidentially, who can “see you.” Talking is healing. Preventative care, both physical and mental, helps stop problems before they start.

Rethink Your Relationships: Parting is such sweet sorrow…. but not always (no offense to Shakespeare). Any relationship that is unsupportive, disparaging, or downright toxic is one that does your mental wellness no favors. Being gaslit is a modern form of abuse. Being gaslit for a prolonged period of time will literally rewire your brain, and breed toxicity in your self-esteem. Do yourself one and bid it goodbye.

Engage in Me-Time: Engaging in me-time is kind of like filling your car up with gas: It allows you to get to your next destination. Some people meditate, get a massage, hike through the mountains, engage in physical movement, go out with friends, or take a bath while burning incense. Laughter (or lunges or lavender oil) is the best medicine.

Own Your Story: One of the reasons emotional wellbeing is so important in the LGBTQ+ community is because of the shame many people feel as a result of society’s unfounded judgments. Fortunately, shame is like a Gremlin from the awesome 1980s movies: When it is brought into the light, it melts away….and scene!

Practice Body-Positivity: Body-related mental health struggles (such as eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorder) are often more prominent in the LGBTQ+ community than they are the general public. While there is no smoking gun as to why this is the case, research suggests that internalized negative messages, discrimination, living in fear, and stress can each play a role. And that makes body-positivity positively vital! How this looks - practicing self-affirming mantras, thanking your body for all it does, seeing what happens when you microwave your scale - is up to you! The most important thing is to begin your journey of self-love. You owe it to yourself because you are worth it.

The above tips can get you started or perhaps your version of self-care looks different. How you engage in your own wellbeing is not important; engaging at all is what counts!

15/06/2021

I’ll Have Thighs with That: 5 Simple Tricks to Embracing Body Positivity

Body positivity frees us to accept vulnerability and practice self-love while decreasing the odds of mental health struggles like depression. But practicing it is kind of like putting down a page-turning book when it’s getting good: In other words, it’s easier said than done.

One of the biggest challenges of body positivity is that we’re all people and our pesky humanness tends to get in the way, whispering not-so-sweet nothings into our ears and overinflating our insignificant flaws.

But fortunately, there are things we can do to fight back, talk back, and take back our self-worth. And five simple tricks include the following:

Practice Self-Compassion

Practicing self-compassion is a skill to which all of us should aspire (and not only in terms of the body). Self-compassion, in layman terms, is giving yourself a break. A few ways to practice this include recognizing negative self-talk and replacing it with positive affirmations, practicing mindfulness, and taking time to engage in self-care.

You may also benefit from treating yourself like you would your best friend or, perhaps better yet, a beloved pet.

Focus on the Parts that You Love

Not many people love all parts of their body but most people love some parts: Focus on the latter! Maybe you have a complexion as smooth as silk or eyes as green as a clover field. Maybe you love that you're tall or adore being short. Maybe you have hair so curly and long that it resembles 1980s Michael Bolton at his height of fame. Maybe you have dark eyelashes that your friends envy. Maybe you have full lips and strong hips or a million-dollar smile.

It doesn’t matter what you love – I even have a favorite mole! It only matters that you give the parts you love your full attention.

Writing about these parts, or at least making a list, is a great way to solidify your appreciation. So, jot a few things down in a journal or on the bathroom mirror - that ruby red lipstick makes a wonderful pen.

Stop the Comparisons

Society - with its perpetually filtered social media postings and magazine ads - compounds the problem of body positivity, leaving us to believe we live in a photoshopped world of one-size-fits-all.

But recognizing that the actual world looks much different from Hollywood, Cosmopolitan, or Vanity Fair is important. It’s vital that we acknowledge things like In Touch Weekly are out of touch daily in terms of reality.

One way to do this is to stop comparing yourself to what you see in the media (or avoid the media altogether). Keeping up with everyone, from the Kardashians to the Joneses, is not conducive to body positivity…. or any positivity, for that matter.
Engage in Self-Care

All too often, we view self-care as a luxury rather than a necessity. But it’s true that it’s hard to care for others when you’re not allowed to care for yourself. Thus, don’t be afraid to embrace me-time whatever way this looks like.

For some, this might mean a massage or getting a manicure at a favorite salon. For others, it might mean taking a hike through an evergreen forest or running on the beach with the sand between your toes. It might mean taking a yoga class, taking painting lessons, or taking a nap!

Send the Scale to Saskatchewan

Okay, no one should really mail a scale to the rural prairies of Canada - the shipping cost alone is a deterrent - but exiling it to a garage sale or basement cabinet is a good idea.

The reason is because the scale is full of lies (all lies!) and never a solid reflection of your health. It measures the weight of fat, water, muscle, bones, organs, and pretty much everything but the kitchen sink (unless you are, in fact, weighing a kitchen sink). Its constant fluctuations, deviations that are often meaningless and more likely to cause anxiety than offer any insight into wellness, don’t help.

In short, stop looking at the scale and look in the mirror instead.

LifeWork Counseling, Clinical Social Work/Therapist, Emerson, NJ, 07630, (551) 209-3385, LifeWork Counseling is a Body Positive private practice. We understand the past year has been particularly difficult with all the public and social restrictions brought on by the pandemic. For many of us, this h...