11/11/2025
It can really take a high level of emotional intelligence and super strong communication skills to navigate combative or tense moments in the delivery room.
Think about it. You’ve got at least 4-5 different personalities (mom, partner, provider, nurse(s), and doula) all approaching this experience with different roles and interests.
It can be a lot.
One phrase I have really come to love and use quite a bit in hard conversations is “I’m sure you can appreciate that _________ would really like ____________.”
It’s reiterates the expectation but it also places a presumed good will on the other party, which can help to establish a shared desire to serve a common goal.
Partners 👉 if your wife/partner wants to have a doula at her baby’s birth, it is super important to understand that they are not there to replace you. They are (ideally) there to support you both, adding birth experience, offering labor strategies, and acting as a sounding board for making decisions.
Be a part of the process in choosing a doula, and talk through the details and expectations of everyone’s roles. A strong doula will fit in where you need her so you can continue to provide the love and support that only you can.
Doulas 👉 if the hospital environment is going to be a primary workplace for you, it makes sense to invest some time learning the staff’s names and getting to know them when you’re there. It’s far easier to help your client have a positive experience if you have a positive foundation laid. It’s also much easier to have a hard conversation with someone who you have established a healthy, professional respect with.
In the early stages of your client/doula relationship, it’s also wise to ask what kind of provider they are hoping for and give them feedback based on what you’ve observed and experienced with different providers. Part of establishing that trust comes from your help and support navigating this new environment.
Ultimately, if the rising tension in the room affects the one in labor negatively, we all lose. Labor does not usually react well to high stress situations.
It takes time and a desire to co-create positive working relationships but it can be done.
🤍