Renew Counseling and Family Services

06/06/2021

? What may look like hyperactivity in little ones could actually be "sleep deprivation." Toddlers and preschoolers often act less tired as exhaustion sets in. Hyperactive behavior, fidgeting, and loudness are not always signs of excessive energy; rather, they can be a wiped-out toddler’s last-ditch effort to stay awake. Although there are a number of reasons for sleep deprivation, one we hear about frequently is enlarged tonsils and/or adenoids which may cause snoring and interrupted sleep.
https://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler-behavior/toddler-sleep.aspx?fbclid=IwAR2_QWdMaUwDfqFxr_If5TE5s1mDEKJpuBln2SQ-vrF8FRUgqaAQ214NbjY

15/03/2021

When we listen ‘between the lines’ to our children’s behavior *and to our own behavior* it can provide deep insight into the condition of our hearts and the state of our relationship, revealing buried pain, inner struggles, unmet needs, unspoken fears, hidden triggers, and more.
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Our response to our children’s behavior can communicate that they are seen, they are heard, they matter, they are safe, and they are loved beyond measure or condition.
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Or it can communicate our own pain, stress, struggles, needs, fears, and triggers, leaving our children to cope with their inner world alone or, worse, making them feel responsible for helping us to cope with ours.
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So before you respond to the little person in front of you, pay attention to the little person inside of you.
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Take an honest look at your own behavior.
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Listen quietly to your own pain, stress, struggles, needs, fears, and triggers.
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And parent that inner child tenderly, wisely, and peacefully.
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Then do the same for the child in front of you.
- L.R.Knost
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💞Peaceful Parenting Resources: http://t.co/T8goym3P6Z 💞
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Please respect the work of authors, photographers, and artists. You are welcome to share provided you include appropriate credit and do not crop out author’s names from quote memes. Thank you. 🙂
www.LRKnost.com
Fighting a rare, incurable cancer, but I'm still here!💞 L.R.

04/03/2021

Judgment invites disconnection. Compassion invites connection. Children require the latter to grow in their two most primary emotional and relational needs - feeling safe in attachment and authenticity.

Next time you feel critical ask yourself why your child’s feelings, needs, or behavior are bothering you so much. Are they doing or not doing something you would have been shamed or criticized for? Recognize a trauma reminder. The emotion you feel reminds you of a time when you felt you had to choose between self-acceptance and belonging. It is never favorable to make a child choose between both these vital needs. Yet, it is familiar and passed down until someone works at disrupting the pattern.

We can help children adopt values, follow requests, or develop skills by modeling them or connecting through non-threatening communication to cultivate collaboration. We never have to resort to shame and blame. When we do, it is up to us to apologize.

Eg) “I notice there are sticky fingerprints on the lounge walls, can you wipe them off with this sponge, please?

Opposed to, “Why do you always have to be so messy and inconsiderate!? If it wasn't for me this place would be a dump.”

To break the pattern of critical parenting we can practice being curious about what we and our children need to feel safe connecting and communicating to invite cooperation.

When we make mistakes, we can always apologize and try again. It is up to the parent to reconnect and repair through right relationship.

We need to give ourselves the same compassion we aspire to give our children and give the grace we hope to receive.

ꕥ www.LeliaSchott.com ꕥ

04/03/2021

https://momsoftweensandteens.com/am-i-a-bad-mom-my-teenager-hates-me/?fbclid=IwAR3UoPk9z3eEmVX-ZaeFygqoRYClKWQEXcB5dibH0-HH3pR8mdpMKvQw-QA

If you ask me, we don’t need permission to be a little crazy; we’re raising teenagers after all, and if you sometimes feel a little crazy, you're not alone!

11/02/2021

Reasons children lie:
- To avoid getting into trouble
- To fit in with others or avoid ridicule (lie about possessions, interests, experiences, etc.)
- To do something they are not allowed to do
- They sometimes lie just for fun. It’s a way that they incorporate their imaginative world into their reality. Children’s minds are naturally imaginative in nature and often the line between reality and fantasy can be a little blurry
- To make someone happy/avoid hurting someone’s feelings. What we call “a white lie.”
- To cover for an adult or other child who asked them to lie

Children don’t generally lie maliciously. Certainly one lie is not a sign that your child is going to be a dishonest person. They are still learning about the truth and how lies work. They won’t always get it right. It’s important they know it is ok to get caught in a lie, what matters is telling the truth, eventually. And not to just uphold some sort of arbitrary moral code that even the adults who preach it can’t follow.

I think most people could look at many of the reasons children lie, and recall a time in your own life when you lied for the same reason. Lying is an adaptive social strategy we use to navigate and control situations where the truth may not result in a positive outcome. Unconditional love and acceptance takes away the need to lie, in many cases, resulting in less lying.

Responsive Parenting:

With love,
Lelia

🌞 www.LeliaSchott.com 🌞

30/12/2020

Dysregulation of the stress response system makes PTSD a mind-body condition.

23/11/2020

Shared by SELspace.

23/11/2020

Fun! .... 16 types of play

repost

27/08/2020

15/08/2020

Signs that is it time to do some work on your boundaries ♡

03/08/2020

During adolescence, our teens need our love, support and influence more than ever. What they don’t need is our control. By adolescence, we don’t have any anyway. We might have the illusion of control, but the harder we push to control them, the more we risk losing them. Our teens are resourceful, creative and brave and if they want something enough they will do it anyway.
When we attempt to control them, we are pushing against thousands of years of evolution and their drive to explore their independence. They can’t make the transition from childhood to adulthood without establishing some sort of separation from us.
They might push against us, and sometimes this will feel fierce. This is not to push us away, but to loosen themselves from under our wing. Sometimes the closer they are, the harder they have to push. And sometimes, in the quest for separation and independence, it’s our connection with them that gets lost. They have important work to do, so it’s up to us as their parents to hold on to that connection tightly enough for them and for us, for whenever they need it. They will come back, but first they have work to do and it’s okay if this takes time and tears and ‘outside voices’ inside. It’s a learning adventure for all of us. .
Whenever we can, we need to nurture the fire in them that is looking to discover who they are. We can do this by asking their opinions, listening more than talking, valuing their insight, and letting them to teach us what it’s like to be in their world.
The more we try to control them, the more we squander our precious opportunities to influence them. They are less likely to come to us if they expect lectures, preaching, shame, judgement or harsh consequences. When the connection with them is there, hopefully, sometimes, they will let us take the precious and privileged place beside them as they explore, learn and grow. So often, our greatest parenting moments and connection with them will happen in the middle of the mess, but first we need for them to offer us a seat at the table.

30/07/2020

Do you know what kids love more than anything?! Knowing more than their parents! And that's the BEST way to get your kids to open up to you about what they are doing online.

This summer, take a seat and ask your kids to teach you how to play their favorite games or use their favorite apps. This will enable you to see just who they are talking to online, and spend some quality time together!

21/07/2020

Hey there, I’m Bryce .therapist I share about motherhood and everyday mental health.⁣⁣
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Do you ever stop and take note of what you’re “noticing” in your life each day? ⁣⁣
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Sometimes it can be easy for our brains to spend a lot of time in that top half, focusing on what went wrong, what we don’t have and how others have let us down. ⁣⁣
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But why is that?⁣⁣
👉Stress⁣⁣
👉Mental health (depression, anxiety etc.)⁣⁣
👉Trauma ⁣⁣
👉 Unmet needs (tired, burnt out, hungry etc)⁣⁣
👉Learned from how our parents “saw the world” during our childhood.⁣⁣
👉Our innate temperment ⁣⁣
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And it’s OK! Life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows and we won’t always have the energy or desire to shift our focus.⁣⁣
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But it can be a good exercise now and again to take notice of where our focus and awareness is falling and get intentional about what we are “noticing”. That acknowledgement and self-awareness can be a helpful tool for your overall well-being. ⁣⁣
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Where does your brain tend to hang out these days, top of bottom half? Is it a lot of energy for you to notice the things on the bottom or easy?⁣⁣
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19/06/2020

Most of us have been going through intense emotional experiences the past several months. And, few of us have been taught how to process + regulate our emotions. We were not modeled this from our parents. Our school systems often entirely ignore the emotional world.

As I started doing this work, I realized I was emotionally immature. I grew up in a home where emotions were chaotic + intense. Yelling + the ‘silent treatment’ were how emotions were dealt with.

The closeness we had was not from intimate emotional sharing, it was from the the blurred boundary of sharing overwhelming emotions. This left me disconnected from my own inner world + unable to process my own emotions without looking to someone outside of myself.

All emotions are healthy. All emotions are messengers, giving us guidance on what we need. Feeling + honoring all emotions allows them to be processed then released. This is a skill that takes work + self compassion.

When we experience an strong emotional response, often our past wounding is being triggered. My strongest responses come from when I feel as though I’m not considered or heard: two consistent themes in my childhood.

The trauma brain (often called the lizard brain) becomes activated. The trauma brain interprets every emotion as a fearful threat to survival. We lose access to rational thought, and ‘fight’ for our lives. This causes cycles of shame where we look back and thing “why did I do that?” It might appear that we overreacted, but to our trauma brain we did exactly what we needed to survive.

These shame cycles can lead to addiction (in many forms) as a way to cope.

Our work is to become conscious. To practice a pause. To practice self observation of our mind + body as we experience emotions. The more we practice this, the more access we have to our higher brain functions that allow us to create + connect

15/05/2020

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