15/07/2025
I bowed my head in gratitude towards the tea cup in my hands and pressed my head to it, as I opened to feel the beauty of what I was about to intake, Himalayan Sea-Berry tea direct from Bhutan, gifted to me by my roommate from her last trip there… my heart swelled and then came a pain, a sorrow, the feeling of tears ready to come forth. This happens to me sometimes when I open deeply to gratitude or am very conscious of what a blessing I am living. However, there are 2 distinct flavors with which those tears fall. One is when I go into bliss that I am crying and laughing at the same time; ecstasy. With the other, the tears come from a place of pain and suffering when I open to gratitude. I’ve held this pattern in kindness and compassion for many years now; open to understanding it better and what it tells me about myself. Today as my forehead pressed on the tea cup and I felt myself about to shatter in pain, the wisdom and clarity arrived: do everything from all that you are, not from all that you lack. As a person who spent almost 4 decades harnessing and centering life on the energies of perfectionism and judgement, the subconscious became very astute in focusing on what wasn’t right, what was missing, in a single word - “lack”. The wisdom today highlights that. We can open to gratitude and feel the beauty and expansion of what we are living or we can open to gratitude and unknowingly activate the subconscious memory of “all the times it wasn’t this good”. I’m grateful to myself for having held this pattern in active compassion; always giving myself the space to have the experience though I didn’t understand it. And now with this wisdom, I understand that my gratitude was opening me to a mourning; one much needed many times over to help release the pain and sadness I still carried about certain parts of my human experience. After enough times, today Spirit gives me the golden nugget necessary to now move forward from that mourning… I now know exactly what energies I’m working with. May each of us continue to stay mindful and present, that we may be able to hear and understand the messages as they arrive. 💜🙏🏽💜
