12/02/2019
I was reading a friend's post today and came across this poem he wrote about one of his experiences in Africa. As a birth worker, you are given the amazing opportunity of helping mamas bring their babies into this world. But you are also vulnerable to lose. With Brandon Shumway's permission I share his Beautiful and Heartbreaking Poem
Tina
27 weeks and six days was not enough time.
You should have stayed where you were,
Warm, safe, protected and loved.
Before, you were promise for the future;
Last week you stood for hope.
But in Malawi, 27 weeks is not enough time.
Now there you lay cold and helpless,
A symbol of the tragedy which surrounds you.
Your mother has gone for a long walk;
She knows now what is about to happen.
She does not want to witness,
She did not even give you a name.
Your tiny hand grasps my fingertip,
I will call you Tina, keep holding on Tina!
That’s when your heart stopped beating.
Damn it Tina!
I do compressions with two fingers,
The tiny mask covers your whole face,
Pushing life back into your little body.
You came back to me and we rejoiced together.
You matter! You have to matter!
We sat there in silence thinking about precious life.
Then you left me again.
Again compressions, breaths, fighting for life.
Saved once again! Our bond had grown deeper.
Together we would overcome!
I thought of my babies back home.
You would love them Tina.
You would love a lot about life.
Food, family, singing, laughter, love.
Then, a third time you stopped beating the drum of life
Tina! Don’t you get it?!?
This is not supposed to happen!
Again I stopped you from leaving me.
4, 5, 6 times we stopped you from leaving us.
Each time you obediently returned,
But you did not understand.
Then you spoke to my heart,
“Azungu,
Maybe it is you who does not understand,
Thank you for trying but this is no way to be.
Maybe make room in this world for people like me,
Then I can meet your children and play in the sun.”
I did not hear you clearly then but I knew it was time,
To put down my stethoscope and go on a long walk like your mother.
When you finally left us for good I was far away.
It hurt too much to see you go.
There would be no certificates of birth or death.
In Malawi you were not officially a person.
You never lived so you could not have died.
Even though you never were,
You changed my heart forever.
I will make a world worthy of you Tina.
I will fight for tomorrow,
For the little people like you who deserved to be
But never were.
