08/04/2024
"Sometimes when I do something nice for myself, I can f͎e͎e͎l͎ my inner child say, "𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝑴𝒆?!" ❤️
This statement is soooooo true and so important. For a long time, I used to feel this when I gave permission for and allowed myself "indulgences" -- big and small -- like everytime I went to Disneyworld or when I buy two scoops of my favorite ice cream or I watch a new anime or when I go sit under a tree and just be.
As I get older, though, I found my inner child dancing for joy when I do things that are important for my love, life, health, and overall existence. For example, my Mom is here visiting us for a few weeks. It is not lost on me how much of a gift it is that I was able to go and pick my 83-year-old mother with my fiancé, Zitro CK, up from the airport to then go and laugh and enjoy each other's company at brunch.
My inner child jumped for joy for so many reasons: my Mom was visiting, she is visiting in the home I share with the man I'm going to marry, my Mom uncondtionally supports my love and doesn't give 'two sh*ts' that my love is a man, etc. (I can write a long list but I am just going to pause here.)
It feels like such a gift. I often reflect back on my seven-year-old Self (affectionately referred to as Benji), and I can just feel his joy, excitement, surprise, and overall delight that this is something he gets to experience!
I know this because I remember being 7 growing up in rural Louisiana and never feeling like I would be able to experience true and complete happiness because nothing that I could see around me in my life at the time supported the notion that love between two men would be embraced.
Welp, leave it to my Momma to prove me wrong! That's what unconditional love can do!
So, yes, Benji is doing cartwheels inside me because he continues to marvel at the wonder of this existence he never imagined experiencing -- when I talk about the gratitude I often feel, I suspect that my inner child and all his wonder is likely the source.
Have an amazing day, Y'all,
Dr. Ben (Dr. D)