03/29/2024
SHARING MOMENT OF WRITING....
Another Test Result, Another Procedure...
3/28/2024
As I sat with my morning coffee watching Joyce Meyers Everyday Answers which has been my morning ritual for the past 7 years, it happened...
An e-mail notification popped up "You have new test results in your portal" and my calm collected mood changed instantly as anxiety took over. As I walked towards my computer, my heart began to race and my palms moistened with the memories of what it was like to hear that word... cancer. A flood of emotions came over me and what was only a few feet became the distance of a football field.
Thoughts raced through my mind just as they did 3 months ago with the last test result, and will likely continue every three months until they decide I don't need this test anymore; I know it will be at least two years. I look forward to the day when I am free from this cage in my mind- but also know that being released will be a constant battle because the continuum is real no matter what path you choose to heal, but my path is the one less chosen- the path some don't even know they can take which is why I share so much.
As my mind was being attacked with all the what if's, I sat down at my desk, took a deep breath, put my hand on my racing heart as if to calm it and spoke aloud "God, I trust you, no matter the result."
I opened the portal and tears flooded my eyes. Another negative result! That makes 3 negative tests for circulating tumor cells/DNA in my blood since surgery. As the tears left my eyes and danced down my cheek, I praised God... for He is my comfort, my healer, the almighty strength in every storm I have faced, and He is so incredibly faithful- it was a good day.
Earlier this week, as I began to prepare for phase 3 of my reconstruction which is scheduled for tomorrow, I asked my daughter Baleigh Talbott to come take some progress shots for memory sake. The first time she took pictures of me was the day before my double mastectomy.
I shared my favorite photo from that set with all of you on August 28, 2023- showing the intimate moment of saying goodbye to cancer, and my breasts. The emotion she captured was breathtaking, and the outpour of love and support from all of you was a wonderful blessing during a very difficult time, so thank you, again.
Tomorrow is phase 3... the ni**le reconstruction, and although some may question my motive in sharing this new picture, I can assure you it is not for anything other than knowing there is someone out there going through this, or who will go through this that needs to know it's all going to be okay- that you can feel physically whole again, even if you no longer recognize what you stare at every day in the mirror. You will become a new you with new wisdom, new resilience, new appreciation and a new beauty that shines from within.
Once again, my daughter captured that beauty in a moment yesterday. If you zoom in you will see a small round band-aid on my face- and I asked her that when she retouches this photo to leave it there for the sake of significance in the memory. This shot is raw, straight from the camera with light from my bedroom window on a rainy day.
Yesterday, just before she came to take pictures, I had a small biopsy done at the dermatologist of a "spot" on my face that has been there for 22 years. Nothing has changed about it, but my new "normal" is not normal- and we did not want to take any chances dismissing it.
That band-aid is a reminder of my new normal- and another reminder that a cancer diagnosis is a continuum- but God reminds me that so is the life that He gave us.
So don't waste one single moment of it, and know you can live for eternity, no matter how short your time is here on earth.