Kids Master Skills by Lisa Marnell - Neuroaffirming Autism Support

11/24/2025

11/24/2025

“Sits for five minutes”

“Stays in seat during circle time”

“Remains seated for the activity”

We called these tolerance goals, but let’s be honest. They are not about learning. They are about compliance.

And compliance goals teach autistic students to mask. Here’s why this matters.

Masking forces kids to ignore their bodies, their sensory needs, their movement needs, and their natural regulation strategies (such as pacing, wiggling, fidgeting and stimming).

Masking tells autistic children and teens that the comfort of others is more important than their own comfort.

Masking undermines a student’s own autonomy. Kids learn to prioritize adult expectations instead of listening to and honoring their own internal signals.

Masking leads to burnout. When a child holds it together all day, the crash comes later and often gets misinterpreted as “behavior”.

Masking interrupts real learning. A regulated body cannot engage, process, or absorb information.

When we shift from compliance goals, such as sitting goals, to connection, communication, and coregulation, kids do not just sit for longer.

They actually thrive!

If you want to learn how to bring Neurodiversity-affirming, evidence-informed practice into schools, my AOTA approved, 8-hour professional development for school based OTs is called, “Insight to Autism for School-Based OTs”

I also offer a 4.5 hour course for parents, teachers, and other professional professionals, called, “Insight to Autism for Parents, Teachers, and Professionals”.

Drop the word “LEARN” and I will send you the link!

Does your school use sitting goals?

11/24/2025

Supporting autistic students isn’t about adding more goals to IEPs and working on more skills.

It’s about understanding students’ current skill levels, and putting accommodations in place so they can access learning.

Here are some simple ways to shift from “work on the skill” to “accommodate the demand”.

1- reduce the motor load (use typing, stamps, verbal responses, instead of handwriting.)

2- break tasks into single steps

3- offer opportunities for self regulation prior to starting academic tasks

4- reduce the volume of work, but prioritize, what you are teaching a student

5- give choices in how students show knowledge

Don’t drill skills and turn academics into drudgery.

Adapt tasks so students can access their learning.

Type LEARN to get the link to my courses, Insight to Autism for School-Bssed OTs, which is AOTA approved for 8 professional development CEUs!

And for my course for parents, teachers and professionals who want to learn how to support autistic students using strength based and neuroaffirming approaches.

11/20/2025

If I had a dollar for every time a non-pediatric OT human said to me, "Oh, you work with Autistic kids, you must be so patient."

No. Never. Not once did I have to draw on "patience" to interact with, honor, and support an Autistic child.

In fact, this concept has never even landed soundly enough in my brain to register what it means. How could it take "patience" to respect and support another human being who is doing their best and doing what they can to survive, to exist, to feel welcome, to feel loved?

But I DO need patience, and some kind of fortitude that at times I have to dig deep to find, when I work with teachers who were never trained for one second in nervous system regulation or the neuroscience of Autism.

And patience for school administration who make assumptions - thousands of these assumptions are made across the country every day - that an Autistic student is working the system in some manipulative, pre-meditated, nasty manner. When really, the system isn't working for them. That simple.

And patience, yes, for parents who assume their Autistic child is being "stubborn" or "difficult" or "not trying hard enough".

I have seen this and continue to see this all the time - and there are times that I reach a point that my patience for THOSE ADULTS wears thin.

But never for the child because they are simply who they are - smart, sweet, innocent, willing - until they're fried by systems and people who don't give them the benefit of the doubt, who don't honor their "No" or their bodies or their unique, monotropic, alexithymic minds.

Yes, what I witness sometimes in the ways Autistic children are treated in schools, in our schools, by adults who really should take the time to learn more and to know better, is brutally hard to watch.

I believe and will always believe that there is nothing more fragile than the voice of an Autistic child or teen who is whispering something or screaming it out loud - hoping someone will respect their lived experience, their processing, and perception. Hoping someone will cut them a break and try to understand, to connect.

It takes patience, it does, to try to make a positive difference, but the patience has nothing to do, ever, with the child themself.

11/19/2025

As an occupational therapist I often work with kindergarten teachers. (One of my favorite parts of this job!) At the start of the school year - with so much going on - it is challenging for teachers to get a quick read on their students' abilities.

I created this screening for OTs and teachers, with simple activities to assess children's fine motor skills. Although this is not an evaluation, it suggests simple tasks to see which students may be struggling.

When children have difficulty with all or a few of these tasks, this may indicate some concern. These are the students to keep an eye on and to encourage with activities to improve hand strength and coordination.

Always remember that development varies from child to child and every student is on his or her own time line!

11/19/2025

Enough is enough . . .

Can I get an "OMG, yes!", or an "I'm with you!" or a Totally, agree!" in the comments?!

11/12/2025

When we are adults who support an autistic student in school, we must honor their unique nervous system traits.

Typically, an autistic student may struggle in a busy classroom with constant noise, visual, overwhelmed, touch, and smells. IEP meetings are the opportunity for a child's voice to be heard through a parent or teacher's advocacy.

Often, and understandably, staff will push back against accommodations that take extra time to create or implement. But it is a responsibility for all adults to support an autistic child to honor their nervous system needs, despite inconvenience.

If you are a parent, do you feel confident push, pushing back when you feel IEP accommodations are not being implemented or followed?

As a teacher, do you see improvement in student affect and engagement when accommodations, even if they take time to implement, are used?

Share in the comments!

11/12/2025

Do you understand how children process vestibular input?

A child may be over-responsive (sensory avoiding) or under-responsive (sensory seeking) when it comes to processing vestibular input. If a child is over-responsive, it may help when adults accept and celebrate his comfort levels with movement, encourage him to understand his own limits, and the just-right levels of movement so kids feel engaged, confident, and part of a social group.

What are your favorite vestibular activities? Share in the comments!

11/12/2025

The same wake-up time.

The same items carried from bedroom to kitchen.

The same YouTube nature video playing in the living room.

The same 15 minutes sitting on the couch petting the dogs.

The same movement.

The same breakfast.

This describes a typical morning for an autistic person - and it is, since it is my ritual, stemming from my love of sameness/need for sameness.

Often on IEPs in schools there is a goal to "broaden" an autistic student's repertoire of activities - and this is fine if the activities fall within the realm of the child's interests and if the child buys into trying something novel, within pre-determined parameters.

Yet, too often I see adults introduce random change, in a schedule, a setting, a task, a sensory activity.

Why?

The intentions are not cruel, but far too many non-autistics in schools assume that with "gentle" change in the day to day, an autistic child will get used to change.

Speaking from my own perspective as an autistic adult and from 20 years of working with autistic kids, what happens is that change does not get easier with practice, rather stress builds because what should be a "safe" environment - school - does not feel safe.

So, what to do instead?

We cope with change. We manage change. We have strategies to let autistic children know about anticipated change well before it happens (schedule, strategies, role-play). And we also provide social stories and practice for when unanticipated change happens (validate their feelings, allow time to recover, offer sensory strategies, co-regulate and problem solve to figure out what to do next).

So, yes, four yellow shirts rotated every day is fine. (I have seven identical long-sleeve, grey shirts and I love every one of them!)