Kids Master Skills by Lisa Marnell - Neuroaffirming Autism Support

03/02/2026

So important for everyone to listen to and learn from Autistic people.r

Ways people have made me feel like an unacceptable type of human would probably surprise you. My elementary school teachers told us every morning what a good human being looked like. When it came time for reciting the pledge, all teachers said you had to have a quiet body or else you were being disrespectful. I can remember the horrible shame I experienced. I remember thinking friends would think I was not a good person. It's one of many tacit messages I received daily, while other students absorbed it all as well.



[Image: Curly haired Bri from the waist up, looking down, with arms raised to the side and hands in motion. Wearing brown headphones, a black Vans hoodie, and maroon braided t-shirt necklace. Background is a rustic coffee shop.]

02/26/2026

Love this!

What do you think?

02/25/2026

Type "BRUSH" to get your social story to support Autistic kids as they learn the ins and outs and how they can have autonomy with brushing teeth.

When you are a neuroaffirming adult in a child's life, social stories are not about getting a child to "comply" with brushing teeth or teaching them the “right” way to do it.

When written according to Carol Gray’s guidelines, Social Stories are descriptive and objective. They explain what something is, why people might do it, and what it could feel like. The intent is understanding, not compliance (Gray, 2010).

When uncertainty decreases, regulation often improves. Research supports the careful use of Social Stories when they are written and implemented with fidelity.

Although many of us here work in schools, function and health matter. Oral care affects comfort, sensory experience, and readiness to learn. This story can be used in class for all kids, in sessions, previewed with students, or shared with families so the same language carries across environments.

Social stories (when written objectively about the world) simply offer clear information about an everyday routine.

And for many students, that clarity makes a meaningful difference!

Do you support Autistic kids to learn to brush their teeth?

If so, what helps you support them?

02/24/2026

02/16/2026

A step in the right direction.

House Bill 1795 addresses restraint or isolation procedures of students in public schools and educational programs.

"Restraint and isolation are supposed to be rare practices, but they aren't," said Representative Jamila Taylor (D) out of Federal Way. "Students who are isolated or restrained are subjected to those practices on a daily basis repeatedly."

https://kimatv.com/news/local/house-bill-passes-to-senate-after-heated-debate?fbclid=IwY2xjawP_b1JleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZBAyMjIwMzkxNzg4MjAwODkyAAEe4Bk05LgZKuAxmPm0bD2xRkZrQN3IqtshQKsupJ9lL-we0ui_ZO7FLqbZYz8_aem_9JPg8FsJCKxeipaMoA24Ow

A bill in Olympia's House of Representatives was hotly debated on Friday, in regards to schools and when instances of restraint or isolation for students may be

02/10/2026

One of the most common moments I see when supporting Autistic students happens during conversations about motor skills.

In my work as an occupational therapist by training and now as an Autism education specialist, I often hear the same question surface.

Someone raises a concern and asks where a child should be developmentally.

I find the concerns that come up most often are familiar ones: handwriting, cutting, and other fine motor tasks that schools rely on heavily every day.

Age-based milestones are so ingrained in how we talk about development that they often become the default way we decide what to work on next. But for Autistic students, those timelines rarely reflect how motor learning actually unfolds or what makes learning feel engaging and meaningful.

Instead of using age-based milestones, I rely on a functional skill progression that is grounded in the child’s interests, motivation, and choice.

That means I look closely at what a child is already doing with confidence, what they are drawn to during play, and how they naturally choose to engage. From there, the question becomes: What is the next meaningful motor step for this child within an activity they already enjoy?

For example, a child might spend long periods building structures, drawing characters, or arranging objects to tell a story through their play. Rather than pulling them away to practice isolated motor tasks, I stay within that activity and look at how their current motor skills are showing up.

I might model a new way to use the materials, narrate my own thinking as I build or draw alongside them, or explore a variation of the activity myself. There is no expectation that the child copy me. The invitation is simply there.

The work is still skill-based, but it is guided by student engagement rather than compliance. We are not being sneaky or manipulative. We are modeling, exploring, and allowing learning to happen through shared experience and observation.

When skill progression is meaningful and child-led, learning builds from what the child is already doing rather than from an external developmental timeline.

This is why I don’t worry about age-based developmental timelines and focus more on what makes sense for an Autistic student right now.

If you support Autistic students, I’m curious if you feel comfortable shifting away from developmental timelines in your support.

02/10/2026

One consistent pattern I see in my work is that many Autistic students learn more through observation than through direct verbal instruction or repeated practice.

Over the years I noticed that when a child seems to be tuning out during instruction, it's easy for adults to slip into repeating directions, explaining things in more detail, prompting over and over again, or even asking more questions.

I am guilty of this myself. It is human nature to try to pull children back in through verbal encouragement and talking them through a task.

But for many Autistic students, language itself becomes part of the overload.

In both my earlier work as a school-based occupational therapist and now in my current work as an educational consultant, I found that one of the most effective ways to reduce demand is to stop instructing altogether and allow learning to happen through observation.

This is a big shift, and I can walk you through what I mean.

Rather than asking a child to participate, I will often sit nearby and complete the task myself in a calm, unhurried way. I do not frame it as a demonstration and I do not narrate every step. I simply do the task fully and respectfully, allowing the child to watch if they choose.

For example, if a child is dysregulated during a fine motor or building activity, instead of prompting them to engage, I might begin assembling the materials on my own, completing the steps. I will organize the pieces, build the structure, or complete the activity quietly while the child remains nearby. There is no expectation to join and no pressure to respond.

What I have seen over and over again is that this lowers nervous system demand while building trust. The child is not being asked to perform, comply, or respond. They are simply allowed to observe. For many Autistic students, this kind of observation is not passive. It is a meaningful way of learning without the stress of being put on the spot.

I find that some children choose to join in after watching, and some may even return to the activity later that day. Other times, I have seen children revisit and engage in the exact same activity a few days later. Of course, some may not engage at all. This is still okay.

This approach respects the need for safety before engagement and recognizes that participation should always be voluntary for Autistic students. When observation is given more space, regulation and engagement often follow more naturally.

If you support Autistic students, I am curious what you notice when you model without prompting and allow observation to lead.

02/09/2026

As an occupational therapist and an Autistic adult, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how quickly we ask Autistic children to engage before we’ve established safety.

I notice this especially in moments when a student is doing something that looks quiet or solitary and the impulse around them is to “add” interaction. To talk more. To prompt. To turn the moment into something productive or reciprocal.

But in my work with minimally speaking Autistic students, I’ve learned that relationship does not begin with interaction. It begins with respect.

One of the simplest and most meaningful ways I build connection is by being physically nearby without asking anything in return.

That might look like sitting at the same table while a student methodically arranges objects, or staying in the same space while they move back and forth, focused and contained. Sometimes I engage with similar materials nearby. Sometimes I do nothing at all. I’m present, but I’m not directing. I’m available, but I’m not requiring anything.

I’ve learned to pay close attention to what happens in those moments.

When nothing is being asked of a child, their nervous system often tells a very clear story. Breathing slows. Movement becomes more focused or relaxed. The student remains in the space instead of pulling away or leaving.

Before engagement can happen, the body has to feel safe. Trust forms when a child knows they are not being evaluated, corrected, or measured in that moment.

Presence without pressure often creates that foundation.

Over time, students may initiate in ways that are easy to miss if we only watch for spoken language. Sharing materials. Moving a little closer. Allowing another person into their space. These moments are meaningful, and they don’t come from being pushed. They come from being respected.

In my experience, when we slow down and lead with respect rather than urgency, engagement grows in ways that are more authentic and more sustainable.

I’d love to hear how others build safety and relationship with minimally speaking Autistic students in their own settings!