12/28/2023
We’re in such a hurry. Last night, I sat in meditation with the idea of patience. As humans, this is one of our biggest struggles. Our entire societal structure has shaped itself around immediacy. Think about it…if you’re patient enough to do so…and to stay with this post until the end. We used to have a small farm or market for fruits and vegetables and then you went to the butcher for meat and the bakery for bread. Nowadays, the massive grocery stores provide us everything from food to “food” to lightbulbs (which you used to get at the hardware store) and flowers (that used to come from the florist). We didn’t have the patience to make all those stops. Plus we started valuing extracurricular activities, particularly for our children, that somehow promised to teach them skills, give them purpose and identity, and to help pave the way to future opportunities. Our patience is tested by daily events that occur outside of our plan for the day. Our patience is tried by a need to not just coexist with others but to rely on them for some forms of help. One of my favorite readings, I share with you here. It reminds me that things happen. Life is. Planning gives me motivation to take action every day but on a path that is ever-changing. Because I appreciate that so many things are outside of my control, I look to patience to help me ground myself in the present moment. This is where I am. You are. We are meant to be. I periodically reread the words of a breakup email I received from a former friend. She was so convicted in her opinion that I was jealous and needy. In it, she questioned my authenticity and asserted that I do not walk my talk. It’s a helpful dissertation of her views of me. She was and is entitled to her thoughts. What I read as the subtext is that she was impatient with me. She needed me to be her “together” friend that gave her a space for respite. She wanted to play me against others for her own sense of control during a challenging time in her life without giving me space to feel my feelings, be me. It seems me having an experience—and communicating it—that didn’t fit her expectation of what should made me inauthentic. So be it. …continued
