05/19/2026
What an honor to be spotlighted in the THRIVE Monthly newsletter for the month of May written by Lori Heller - Divorce Coaching,
https://www.womenanddivorce.com/
"If you've been snapping, shutting down, overthinking everything, or lying awake at night wondering what's wrong with you… it's not you. It's your nervous system. Divorce has a way of putting your body on high alert. And when that happens, everything feels louder, harder, and more urgent than it actually is. Baliegh answered my questions about nervous system regulation to help us understand: Why you feel so reactive or completely drained What's actually happening in your body when you can't “just calm down” Simple, realistic ways to steady yourself in the moment Because when your body is in chaos, your decisions, your communication, and your confidence usually follow. And this is exactly the kind of work we're doing inside Rewritten. Learning how to steady yourself so you're not making decisions from panic, pressure, or emotional overload… but from a place that actually feels clear. When a woman is in the middle of divorce and feels anxious, overwhelmed, or like she can't think clearly… what is actually happening in her body? When a woman is going through divorce, her nervous system is often operating in a state of threat, not because something is “wrong,” but because something deeply meaningful at one point is changing or ending. The body doesn't distinguish well between emotional threat and physical danger. So when there's uncertainty, loss, or conflict, the brain signals the body to shift into survival mode. This can look like anxiety, racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, or even feeling shut down or numb. In that state, the thinking part of the brain becomes less accessible, and the body takes over. What she's experiencing isn't a personal failure, it's a protective response. What are one or two simple things she can do in the moment when she feels triggered or flooded… especially when she still has to function, make decisions, or have a conversation? The goal in those moments isn't to “calm down” instantly, it's to gently signal safety back to the body. One simple tool is orienting: pause and name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear. This helps bring the nervous system out of overwhelm and back into the present moment. Another effective strategy is lengthening the exhale. For example, inhale for a count of four and exhale for six. A longer exhale activates the part of the nervous system responsible for slowing things down. These tools are subtle, can be done anywhere, and help create just enough space to think more clearly and respond rather than react. What's one mistake you see women make when they're trying to “stay calm” during divorce… and what would you want them to do instead? One of the biggest mistakes I see is women trying to override or suppress what they're feeling in order to “hold it together.” While that might work temporarily, it often leads to more overwhelm later because the body hasn't actually processed what's happening. Instead, I encourage women to shift from control to awareness. Rather than asking, “How do I make this stop?” try asking, “What is my body trying to tell me right now?” Even taking 30–60 seconds to acknowledge what you're feeling, without judgment, can help the nervous system settle more effectively than forcing calm. Baliegh Butler, MSW, LCSW, CST is the founder of Balance & Bliss Therapy in Pittsburgh's North Hills. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and AASECT-Certified S*x Therapist who helps individuals and couples navigate relationships, intimacy, life transitions, and healing through a holistic, trauma-informed approach."
