Smiling Sammi- Life After Loss

Smiling Sammi- Life After Loss Widowhood, Solo Parenting, Grief, and Healing

IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK!Valentines’ day is one of the trickiest holidays for me. It was such a special day for me and my la...
02/14/2025

IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK!

Valentines’ day is one of the trickiest holidays for me. It was such a special day for me and my late husband. Gabe loved me every day of our relationship. He was always doing little things for me to show me how much he loved and cared about me.

But Valentine’s Day was one day he always outdid himself. From our very first one together with a special, homemade dinner at his house. To our third one, where he planned an elaborate date, ending in a proposal. To him getting me chocolates and jewelry when we were married. To him helping the kids make me cards when we had the boys.

Today, I look back and I smile at the beautiful memories, but I tear up in the same moment. It's bittersweet to remember how such a simple holiday turned into something so special for us and now can be so painful for me. I try so hard to bring joy to my children today. I buy them small, meaningful, gifts, and give them all the hugs and kisses they can stand. I put on a smile and pretend that my heart isn’t secretly breaking all over again.

And then I remember, IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK! So I take a step back, I take a deep breath, and I tell my boys why today is special. I tell them about their father and how much he loved us. I tell them how he made not only Valentine’s day special, but every day. I let them see me cry, because I miss him too! I show them that it is ok to feel joy and sadness at the same time.

I am using these moments to teach myself, but also my sweet children. Feelings aren’t good or bad. They aren’t something we are supposed to control or hide. We can be moving forward with our grief and still have days when we just want to fall apart. IT IS OK!

Today this “day of love” holds so many different feelings for many of us, most of which are BIG feelings. Some of us are struggling with going through the day without a partner, parent, child, friend, etc. Some are reminded of relationships that ended too soon or marriages that didn't work out. No matter what we face today, in the light of all the happiness you see on social media, remember that you are allowed to feel whatever you feel! But hear me when I tell you that, YOU ARE LOVED! There is someone who is grateful that you exist and would be lost without you. Even more than that, you are loved by a God who loved you before you were born. So, take heart, keep moving forward, keep trying, ask for help, and remember,

IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK!

"Time heals all wounds"I can't count the times I've heard someone say that. And it's true, but not the way we would like...
12/30/2024

"Time heals all wounds"
I can't count the times I've heard someone say that. And it's true, but not the way we would like to think.
When I hear that, I kind of imagine healing means it goes away completely.
However, today marks 3 years since that dreadful day when I lost my husband, the father of my children, my best friend, and I've learned some things.
The healing that time brings isn't erasing the wound. Instead, it heals up like a truly physical wound. The bleeding stops, the skin closes up, the pain and bruising go away.
BUT, many times a scar, scar tissue, and arthritis is left behind. And that's the healing I forget about. The scar as a visual reminder of what happened. There are so many things that come as a visual reminder of the man who left us far too soon. And the scar tissue and arthritis that is a physical reminder that hurts when you hit it, or the weather changes. So many things in life bring up the pain, remind us of the day we lost him, or the time we spent together.
So, time does heal all wounds. It will never erase what happened. And honestly, I don't want it to. I want to remember my husband and who he was to me. I want to remember him as the amazing father of my precious boys. I want to remember him and everything he was to everyone.
Time did heal the gaping wound in my heart, it just left a Gabriel shaped scar. ❤️❤️❤️ *Photo credit to my 6 year old who wishes I could still be with Daddy*

11/19/2024

"I wish I wouldn't have waited until I was dying to start living."
This sentence lives rent free in my heart and mind. This is something that my dad said to me in the last months of his life. My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer three years before he passed. Prior to his diagnosis, he rarely used his vacation days or a weekend off. BUT after his diagnosis, he started taking vacations, prioritizing time with family, taking trips, enjoying weekends and holidays off, etc. My dad's diagnosis changed the things he thought were important.

So what does this have to do with grief and life after loss? It changes the way I think. It reminds me to treat every day like it could be my last. It reminds me to cherish my kids in the moment we are in. It helps me be ok with dishes in the sink, clothes in the laundry basket, and dog hair on the floor. This one sentence make me appreciate all of the beautiful memories I shared with my husband before he passed.

Grief is hard. Healing is hard. But learning the appreciate the small things and enjoy the now instead of thinking about the past has been really helpful. I just want to live this life the way I would have if my husband were still here with us!

Hey there! My name is Sammi Mandry and I am a widow and mom to 2 boys. I became a widow at 29 years old and my children ...
10/28/2024

Hey there! My name is Sammi Mandry and I am a widow and mom to 2 boys.
I became a widow at 29 years old and my children were 18 months and 2 1/2 at the time. We are now 32, 4 and 6! It has been a journey full of pain and laughter, love and more loss, grieving and celebrating. But we just keep moving forward!

Since that day I have learned so much but one of the biggest lessons I learned, is that I need to tell my story! I want to share the ups, downs, funny, embarrassing, crazy, and more with you.

So, here we are. I am finally ready to share and if this page helps one person, I will have succeeded!
If you have found my page, please share it with anyone you think could benefit! ❤️❤️❤️

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Whiteville, NC

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