
02/14/2025
IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK!
Valentines’ day is one of the trickiest holidays for me. It was such a special day for me and my late husband. Gabe loved me every day of our relationship. He was always doing little things for me to show me how much he loved and cared about me.
But Valentine’s Day was one day he always outdid himself. From our very first one together with a special, homemade dinner at his house. To our third one, where he planned an elaborate date, ending in a proposal. To him getting me chocolates and jewelry when we were married. To him helping the kids make me cards when we had the boys.
Today, I look back and I smile at the beautiful memories, but I tear up in the same moment. It's bittersweet to remember how such a simple holiday turned into something so special for us and now can be so painful for me. I try so hard to bring joy to my children today. I buy them small, meaningful, gifts, and give them all the hugs and kisses they can stand. I put on a smile and pretend that my heart isn’t secretly breaking all over again.
And then I remember, IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK! So I take a step back, I take a deep breath, and I tell my boys why today is special. I tell them about their father and how much he loved us. I tell them how he made not only Valentine’s day special, but every day. I let them see me cry, because I miss him too! I show them that it is ok to feel joy and sadness at the same time.
I am using these moments to teach myself, but also my sweet children. Feelings aren’t good or bad. They aren’t something we are supposed to control or hide. We can be moving forward with our grief and still have days when we just want to fall apart. IT IS OK!
Today this “day of love” holds so many different feelings for many of us, most of which are BIG feelings. Some of us are struggling with going through the day without a partner, parent, child, friend, etc. Some are reminded of relationships that ended too soon or marriages that didn't work out. No matter what we face today, in the light of all the happiness you see on social media, remember that you are allowed to feel whatever you feel! But hear me when I tell you that, YOU ARE LOVED! There is someone who is grateful that you exist and would be lost without you. Even more than that, you are loved by a God who loved you before you were born. So, take heart, keep moving forward, keep trying, ask for help, and remember,
IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK!