04/18/2025
As someone dedicated to my journey of growth, integration, and healing, AND as someone who over the years has supported dozens of others on their journeys, I can tell you firsthand that there can be a BIG shadow side to this work.
That shadow side is that it can be incredibly easy to fall into a mindset of "fixing." The "fixing" mindset shows up as:
-pursuing emotional healing to fix a relationship or to resolve some perceived personal deficiency
-having the idea "I will be happy with myself when...(insert desired change here)"
-believing that you can only be successful after you've checked a bunch of self-help boxes
Is the "fixing" mindset all bad? Of course not! If it didn't serve you in some way, it wouldn't be there! Wanting to fix yourself can prompt you to explore and navigate issues that have held you back from the life you want, and that is an enormously valuable exploration.
But the "fixing" mindset has a MAJOR downside, which is that it keeps the goal post moving, and keeps you stuck in this place of feeling like you're never good enough. The more you navigate your inner world, the more you find, and the "fixing" mindset turns that into another box to check - it perpetuates the idea that your worth isn't inherent - it only exists if you fix.
So, does that mean we should just stop the work of growth and healing and inner exploration?
Nope, human beings aren't meant to be stuck and stagnant - we're meant to grow and learn and evolve.
But we do need to change what the inner work is about.
The work isn't about "fixing" the shadow parts of ourselves so that we can be good enough. It's about recognizing that we are already whole and complete as we are - shadows and all. It's about allowing ourselves to see those shadows, recognize them as valuable - as part of that meaningful whole, and integrate them into that meaningful whole.
It's about coming from a place of worth, not attaining worth.
You're already enough. You're already worthy, exactly as you are.
So let yourself be where you are, see yourself where you are, love yourself where you are, and then explore your healing and growth from that place of love and enough-ness.