Ella Deaver Counseling

Ella Deaver Counseling

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Just a reminder that boundaries and healing intersect...

Quote cred goes to " Cunning Baffling Powerful " Facebook group.

Sustained changes will only come when YOU are ready. Others, like friends or family, might influence you through suggestions, observations or boundaries they set with you, but in the end- YOU have to feel the pain or uncomfortability to want to do or live differently. What have you been considering to address in your life? What might be different or better if it was faced?

A great start to the week is a great way to start the new week! What can you today to set the tone for the coming days?

Maintenance is the Stage of Change when a person is successfully demonstrating sustained changed behaviors over a period of time- generally a minimum of at least 6 to 12 months. They are implementing and have internalized routines and behavioral and thought patterns to attain their desired outcome. In Addiction, an example would be reaching a full year of being Clean and Sober.

Action is the Stage of Change when a person is making changes and engaging in different behaviors and thought patterns that support their desired outcomes. Examples in Addiction might include abstinence from using substances, participating in a structured recovery program and building a healthy support network. By continuing to take actionable steps, they begin to see positive changes.

Preparation is the Stage of Change when a person starts to think about, plan, "research " or learn what they might need to do in order to bring about their desired outcomes. This could include talking about the issue with friends and family, reading about solutions or seeking out professional help.

Happy Father's Day to All who Celebrate...and sending extra love for anyone who struggles with this day...
Contemplation is the Stage of Change when a person begins to acknowledge the existence of a problem. They might admit that something needs to change but are unsure of what to do or how to achieve their desired outcome...or are not yet fully committed to taking the action steps needed for sustained changes. With Addiction, for example, this might be a person admitting they have a problem but not yet being ready to get Clean and Sober.

In the Stages of Change, Pre- Contemplation is the beginning point. At this stage, a person has not yet identified, acknowledged or admitted that a problem or challenge exists. A clear example of this is with Addiction. Other people might see or even talk about the problem but the person with the addiction denies that there is an issue.

With any life- changing decisions that we make, there is a series of steps or stages that occur. The process isn't always perfectly linear but this is what it looks like.

In the moment, our problems, challenges or "failures " can feel defeating and insurmountable. Examples might include addiction, an unhealthy relationship or frustrations with your career. In reality- our challenges can be the catalyst for making sustained changes that bring you the outcomes that you want in your life.

It's true...usually people who have made big changes in their life have faced big challenges. The old saying in the recovery community "Pain is the touchstone of all spiritual growth" parallels this idea. What opportunities for transformation can come from your past experiences?

When working towards goals or trying to make big life transitions-like getting Clean and Sober, changing a career, going back to school (or anything else)- it's helpful to consider if the People, Places and Things in your life are conducive to the change that you're trying to make. If they aren't, you can begin to evaluate what you need to change.

How are you doing with your Self-Care routine so far this week?

Practicing self-care and taking a vacation to the Great Outdoors for some hiking, sitting, tree peeping, memory making and fresh air. See you soon!

It's hard to make sense when unspeakable and senseless acts of violence take the lives of innocent people, like yesterday's school shooting in Texas and last week's store shooting in New York. People tend to get politically charged about it on issues of gun rights- pro or con, and the status of mental health care needs and accessibility. I'm not doing that here...because it's a complicated issue with no easy answers. I just want to remind you that we're all shocked and sad...please remember to take care of Yourselves and Each Other. We're all feeling this pain and heartbreak together.

Mental Health Therapy for Adults- Focusing on areas of Depression, Anxiety, Trauma Recovery, Addicti

Operating as usual

10/28/2022

Here are some examples of what a healthy Adaptation of the "Freeze" Trauma Response looks like...

10/27/2022

In the "Freeze " Trauma Response, a person simply "stops", pauses or can't find a way to respond to a situation. Here are a few examples.

10/26/2022

Here are a few examples of what healing from the Flight Trauma Response looks like.

10/24/2022

In the Flight Trauma Response, a person is trying to avoid or leave a situation that they perceive as threatening. Here are a few examples.

10/21/2022

Therapy can help you to have healthier coping skills, thoughts and behavioral responses after Trauma. Here are a few examples.

10/20/2022

The "Fight" Trauma Response develops from the instinct towards self-preservation. A person in Flight mode is in high alert, perceiving danger, being hyper aware of possible threats towards their emotional or physical safety.

10/19/2022

Trauma can have long lasting impact on a person's thought and behavioral patterns. Here are some of the most common ways that Trauma Responses show up.

10/11/2022

Still deciding if Therapy could be beneficial for you?

10/07/2022

Sometimes people think they wouldn't benefit from going to Therapy because they have a great support system of friends or family. In reality, the relationship with a therapist and what they can offer you is very different than what we get from our personal relationships.

10/05/2022

09/26/2022

Here's a Monday morning reminder for remembering to take care of and prioritize yourself.

09/23/2022

It's finally feeling like Fall is on the way around here in Coastal North Carolina......and I love it!

The change of seasons is the perfect time to make personal changes in your life. What goals and intentions could you set to bring about the changes you desire for yourself?

09/19/2022

It's important to show compassion towards yourself. The relationship with self forms the foundation for relationships with others. If you struggle in this area, a therapist can help you to explore the reasons why and learn how to better support and believe in yourself. You are worth it.

09/16/2022

There are various options for finding a Recovery group that works best for you. While most people are familiar with the 12 Step ( or "Anonymous ") programs, there are others available, with both in person and online meetings. Which one might be right for you?

09/14/2022

Studies indicate that people involved with a structured recovery program are more successful in maintaining long term abstinence ( or "recovery") from alcohol or drugs than those who try to do it alone. There are many reasons why this might be but here are a few ideas. If you are struggling with Alcoholism or Drug Addiction, know that recovery meetings are free of charge and widely available in your community. You don't even have to talk if you're not comfortable sharing.

09/12/2022

What might be your beginning point today?

09/02/2022

It is often said that Addiction is the Opposite of Connection. Recovery includes intentional Connection to others, helping to decrease the loneliness and shame associated with Alcoholism and Addiction. There are many options for finding a Recovery program that will work for you.

08/31/2022

Denial is something that keeps people stuck in active Alcoholism or Addiction. By admitting to yourself that there's a problem, you can take the first- and most important- step of your healing journey towards Recovery.

08/29/2022

Hey there and Happy Monday!
What's on your to-do list today? This week?...
Remember that small steps bring add up to great results.

08/24/2022

Addiction feels very lonely but Recovery is all about Connection to others. Admitting you need help is where the Healing begins. You are not alone.

08/22/2022

It's the start of a new week and the perfect time to start (or keep) moving towards your goal.

08/18/2022

If you've been concerned about your alcohol or drug use, here are some things to consider.

08/16/2022

What goals are you working towards?

07/25/2022

The Stages or Cycle of Addiction is threefold. First is the stage of Social, Functional or Recreational use, where using is associated with fun or using a substance as prescribed. Next comes the stage of Misuse or Abuse,with increased use and taking the substance for purposes other than its intention. The last stage of the Cycle is Dependency and Addiction, where the using person is physically and psychologically reliant on the substance.

07/22/2022

If you've been questioning your relationship with alcohol and/or drugs, you might be on to something. People begin to use substances "for fun"- also called social or recreational use. For some people, that use can slowly- or quickly- escalate and change over time. A therapist can help you to further examine if your use is becoming or has become problematic.

07/18/2022

Recognizing that something isn't working for us anymore is the first step in making positive changes.

07/14/2022

What would it be like if we shifted our perspective to seeking Balance in our lives? Rather than trying to fit "all of the things" around our professional responsibilities, we might prioritize "all of the things" as equally important.

07/11/2022

Happy Monday! The beginning of the week is a great time to plan some Self-Care activities in the coming days. What will you do to take care of yourself?

07/06/2022

Doing Healing work after trauma- even years after it happened- can help with reducing negative symptoms (thoughts and behaviors). It can also bring increased positive feelings about oneself and life.

07/05/2022

Here's what a person might notice after going through something traumatic. These patterns can repeat, increase and escalate over time, showing up more in daily life and in their relationships. Healing work can help to better understand and decrease these symptoms over time.

07/01/2022

Just a reminder that boundaries and healing intersect...

Quote cred goes to " Cunning Baffling Powerful " Facebook group.

06/29/2022

Sustained changes will only come when YOU are ready. Others, like friends or family, might influence you through suggestions, observations or boundaries they set with you, but in the end- YOU have to feel the pain or uncomfortability to want to do or live differently. What have you been considering to address in your life? What might be different or better if it was faced?

06/27/2022

A great start to the week is a great way to start the new week! What can you today to set the tone for the coming days?

06/24/2022

Maintenance is the Stage of Change when a person is successfully demonstrating sustained changed behaviors over a period of time- generally a minimum of at least 6 to 12 months. They are implementing and have internalized routines and behavioral and thought patterns to attain their desired outcome. In Addiction, an example would be reaching a full year of being Clean and Sober.

06/22/2022

Action is the Stage of Change when a person is making changes and engaging in different behaviors and thought patterns that support their desired outcomes. Examples in Addiction might include abstinence from using substances, participating in a structured recovery program and building a healthy support network. By continuing to take actionable steps, they begin to see positive changes.

06/20/2022

Preparation is the Stage of Change when a person starts to think about, plan, "research " or learn what they might need to do in order to bring about their desired outcomes. This could include talking about the issue with friends and family, reading about solutions or seeking out professional help.

06/19/2022

Happy Father's Day to All who Celebrate...and sending extra love for anyone who struggles with this day...

06/18/2022

Contemplation is the Stage of Change when a person begins to acknowledge the existence of a problem. They might admit that something needs to change but are unsure of what to do or how to achieve their desired outcome...or are not yet fully committed to taking the action steps needed for sustained changes. With Addiction, for example, this might be a person admitting they have a problem but not yet being ready to get Clean and Sober.

06/17/2022

In the Stages of Change, Pre- Contemplation is the beginning point. At this stage, a person has not yet identified, acknowledged or admitted that a problem or challenge exists. A clear example of this is with Addiction. Other people might see or even talk about the problem but the person with the addiction denies that there is an issue.

06/16/2022

With any life- changing decisions that we make, there is a series of steps or stages that occur. The process isn't always perfectly linear but this is what it looks like.

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2505 South 17th Street
Wilmington, NC
28401

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