Heily Aktuglu-McGowan, M.Ed., LCMHC

Heily Aktuglu-McGowan, M.Ed., LCMHC

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Gosh, this is great, Heily! Not sure how I haven't seen it before, but the idea of Walking Therapy and Nature Therapy?! YES!!

Mental Health Counseling & Life Coach
N.C Licensed School Counselor
Adolescent & Teen Counseling
Ind

Operating as usual

Why People-Pleasers Don’t Get the Love and Respect They Desire - Tiny Buddha 09/02/2022

Why People-Pleasers Don’t Get the Love and Respect They Desire - Tiny Buddha

Why People-Pleasers Don’t Get the Love and Respect They Desire - Tiny Buddha People-pleasers, it's time to stop basing your sense of worthiness on other people’s approval and start getting the love and respect you desire.

09/02/2022

09/01/2022
08/30/2022

You know that moment right after your child says or does something that pushes your buttons? That oh-so-brief moment before you say or do something in response? That is the moment you have a choice...
🍃
to react or relate,
to command or communicate,
to belittle or to be an adult.
🍃
That moment is a gift of time that can make a lifetime of difference. Use it wisely.
-L.R.Knost
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🌻Peaceful parenting resources: http://t.co/T8goym3P6Z 🌻
__________________________________

📷 @thegentlemamma @brainpowerneurodevelopmental
____________________
Please respect the work of authors, photographers, and artists. You are welcome to share provided you include appropriate credit and do not crop out author’s names from quote memes. Thank you. 🙂

www.LRKnost.com

Fighting a rare, incurable cancer, but I'm still here!💞 L.R.

08/24/2022

This is GOLD!!

If you listen closely, when people give advice they’re actually speaking to themselves. The advice we give is based on our own world perspective, our own wounding, + the way they we feel about themselves.

Many of us haven’t developed discernment or the ability to look at a person’s life to see if this is advice we want to internalize. Or if this is advice that actually even applies to us. This is especially difficult to do when we have a close attachment to this person. We struggle to step back + view the messenger. Because the messenger is a parent, a sibling, or a close friend.

I love my parents deeply. I’m forever grateful for the sacrifices they made to raise us. I’m also aware both of my parents grew up in poverty (my mom didn’t even get Christmas presents in her home.) This created an intense fear based, survival mindset. A deep need for security + a lack of risk taking.

I don’t take much of their advice. I know it’s well meaning. I just don’t choose the life they created for myself. And what’s beautiful is that both can coexist: their way of living + my way of living. Neither is right or wrong. They’re just choices. And the path you create in life is a serious of choices (intentional or not.)

I see many people completely crippled by the advice of other people “that won’t work” “don’t do that” “get a job, play it safe” “you should do x.”

It’s important to step back + ask: does this person have a life I would want for myself? Do they have an open, curious, + emotionally healthy relationship? Have they ever done anything that goes against the societal narrative (anything “risky?”) Are they kind + supportive or do they tend to be shutdown + judgmental? Do they overall feel good about themselves?

We all project.

That’s what humans do. We project our internal world outward. Sometimes those projections include extremely limiting beliefs.

And we have a choice around if we internalize those beliefs. Or, if we have the courage to listen to the most important voice well ever hear: the whisper of our own internal guidance

08/23/2022
08/22/2022

Last Chance for SUNDAY Mother's Support Group Starting in September. Our group is open to all types of moms who are looking to connect with other moms in a fun, enriching and unique way. We will meet for Yoga, Book Clubs, Group therapy sessions and much more! We will explore themes involving: adjusting to motherhood; parenting; marriage/relationships; emotional/mental health; friendships, etc.)
If you are interested in joining, please visit the following link for more information: https://forms.gle/mFfL5QjrUQUostbv8
OR [email protected]

08/18/2022

Increase in whining, tantrums, power struggles? Hitting, kicking, resisting? You're just like wtf is ACTUALLY happening?!🌪️

Let's talk bad behaviors. Why is this happening?

Toddler brains are still under construction, so they don't have the ability to say, "Mama, I need you. I'm worried. I'm scared." So instead, they show you through physical displays.

Let's say you're doing dishes when kid 1 hits kid 2. You tell them "no hitting" 200 times until sh*t hits the fan. You turn the water off, march over, pull kid 1 aside, look him/her in the eyes and say, "ENOUGH! I am DONE with your hitting!"

Your kid's DREAM is that when you do dishes, you turn off the water, walk over to him/her and focus completely, and totally on him/her. Even though this was NEGATIVE attention, your kid still got that attention he/she was craving.

Yep! Your kid wants your attention THAT BADLY. So instead of them relying on unwanted behaviors to get it from you, proactively fill up their “attention tank” with POSITIVE attention.

✨THE 10 MINUTE MIRACLE✨

✔️10-mins of focused, intentional, one-on-one time with your toddler

✔️Give this time a “special” name, so it feels different and exciting from the rest of the day ("mama-Lulu time”🌟)

✔️Let your toddler pick the activity

✔️No distractions, no phones, no siblings and no criticizing or correcting - just time to soak up your unconditional love

✔️Done EVERY single day, so they can count on it

✔️Pro-tip: Use a timer for an easier transition, + remind them that they’ll have more special time tomorrow:
✨”I love you and I can’t wait for our special mama-Lulu time tomorrow!”✨

When they know they can count on it daily, they won’t panic as much when it’s over🥂

“Wait, I just spent the WHOLE DAY with this kid!!” OR the opposite, "Parents need to spend more than 10 minutes each day with their kid."

This special time is different. Think of an average day - where We're constantly shuffling alongside each other all day long. This is focused, special, tank-filling time.

PS. this works for spouses too!

✨Struggling with tantrums, power struggles and unwanted behavior? Our course is here to help! For parents of toddlers & preschoolers ages 1-6.✨

08/14/2022
Timeline photos 08/10/2022

Timeline photos

08/09/2022
08/04/2022

Why your brain loves it when you exercise 08/02/2022

Why your brain loves it when you exercise

Why your brain loves it when you exercise Plus 3 easy ways to work out at home.

07/31/2022
07/30/2022
07/28/2022
07/26/2022
07/24/2022

We have added SUNDAY to our Mother’s Support Group schedule! We have had so much response to our Wednesday evening sessions that we added an extra weekend day!

Mother’s Support Group is designed to be a resource for mothers who would like to explore issues involving: adjusting to motherhood; parenting; marriage/relationships; emotional/mental health; friendships, etc.)

We are open to ALL types of Mothers (Single moms, Adoptive Moms, Same Sex Moms, Bi-Racial, Blended, etc.). I hope to create a warm, trusting and dynamic environment that promotes growth, connectedness and self-exploration.

If you are interested in joining, please visit the following link for more information:
https://forms.gle/BscxzLVL2iY5Jxir9

Women-Focused Fitness - WILMA magazine 07/21/2022

Women-Focused Fitness - WILMA magazine

Local ladies looking for an all female gym OR workout group? Check this out:

Women-Focused Fitness - WILMA magazine Area gyms, studios, and groups specialize in women's training

How to Make Your Life Matter (Even If It Lacks Purpose and Direction) - Tiny Buddha 07/20/2022

How to Make Your Life Matter (Even If It Lacks Purpose and Direction) - Tiny Buddha

How to Make Your Life Matter (Even If It Lacks Purpose and Direction) - Tiny Buddha If your life lacks purpose and direction, you might feel behind everyone else and think you're less worthy than them. You're not.

07/19/2022

FREE Mindfulness Workshop!

07/16/2022
07/15/2022

Hi Moms! Mother's Support Group is back for Fall 2022. The group is designed to be a resource for mothers who would like to explore issues involving: adjusting to motherhood; parenting; marriage/relationships; emotional/mental health; friendships, etc.)
We are open to ALL types of Mothers (Single moms, Adoptive Moms, Same Sex Moms, Bi-Racial, Blended, etc.). I hope to create a warm, trusting and dynamic environment that promotes growth, connectedness and self-exploration. If you are interested in joining, please visit the following link for more information: https://forms.gle/wLCbTWaKtj1MDm7n8

07/14/2022

This👇1000%💙

07/14/2022
07/13/2022

When you're dating, it can be easy to get wrapped up in anxiety and stress. Staying curious about your partner(s) can make all the difference. What role has curiosity played in your dating life?

5 Powerful Mental Shifts to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think 07/12/2022

5 Powerful Mental Shifts to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think

Other people’s opinions of us are none of our business!

5 Powerful Mental Shifts to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think If you obsess about what people think of you and beat yourself up if you feel you've done something others might judge, read on.

How I Healed from Childhood Trauma and Stopped Sabotaging My Happiness - Tiny Buddha 07/11/2022

How I Healed from Childhood Trauma and Stopped Sabotaging My Happiness - Tiny Buddha

How I Healed from Childhood Trauma and Stopped Sabotaging My Happiness - Tiny Buddha After my childhood trauma, I found myself in a constant battle between knowing what was good for me and doing the complete opposite.

Photos from L.R.Knost - Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources's post 07/09/2022

Photos from L.R.Knost - Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources's post

Timeline photos 06/22/2022

Timeline photos

The Power of Reframing: 3 Ways to Feel Better About Life - Tiny Buddha 06/20/2022

The Power of Reframing: 3 Ways to Feel Better About Life - Tiny Buddha

The Power of Reframing: 3 Ways to Feel Better About Life - Tiny Buddha Positively reframing doesn't remove problems but gives you a better perspective. Changing your mindset changes everything.

06/20/2022

Check out our classes this week! Sign up at https://madewellcenter.janeapp.com/#/group-fitness-classes

06/02/2022

When someone judges you, it isn’t actually about you, it’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations and needs. @tinybuddhaofficial @sophierosenhellstrom

16 Green Flags A Dating Coach Says To Look For In New Relationships 06/02/2022

16 Green Flags A Dating Coach Says To Look For In New Relationships

16 Green Flags A Dating Coach Says To Look For In New Relationships No. 1: They listen well.

06/02/2022
05/31/2022
Photos from L.R.Knost - Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources's post 05/30/2022

Photos from L.R.Knost - Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources's post

05/30/2022

When we envisioned parenting, so many of us saw frolicking in a field with a bouncy toddler, giggling over ice cream and lounging in a hammock as the sun softly glows behind us (just me?)✨

And so, when reality hits, and our kids don't listen to us, or they push back, or they spend the majority of their days saying, "NO!" Well, it's HARD for us.💯

And then? We also feel this huge responsibility to raise "good" kids. We don't want them to hit or shout or be rude. So we end up spending most of our days alternating between "disciplining" and shouting a "no! stop!" across the room.

But, could we strike a balance? Could we make our kids feel seen, heard, and important, while teaching those big life skills in a CONSTRUCTIVE, loving way?

We can. We will. We must.

This is important to remember: The feeling is always ok - sometimes, the behavior is not.⁠ We've probably all heard of "unconditional love," but what's it ACTUALLY mean? That your love for them isn't an if-then thing. Ie, I'll love you... IF you listen to me, IF you don't hit your sister, IF you don't feel angry or sad.

💛Show them you love them - no matter what
💛Let them know you'll always be on their team - no matter how much they mess up
💛Try your best not to lash out on them - even if you're "justifiably" angry
💛Remember that "teaching" doesn't mean "punishing" - they're new to this whole "life" thing
💛Show them that you'll never leave them - no matter how much they've acted out
💛Apologize when you mess up - even if it's hard

And then, if the situation warrants it (ie, there's kicking, or other less desirable behavior), you can coach and connect at a later time, when everyone is calm:

“You had a tough moment earlier today. It’s ok to feel mad, it’s not ok to hit. Here are some things you can do instead of hitting when you’re feeling mad.”

✨Struggling with tantrums, power struggles and disciplining in a way that WORKS and protects your kid's self esteem? Our course is here to help! For parents with kids ages 1-6. Link in bio!✨

05/27/2022

Pat.
Dr. Jen

05/22/2022

We are a beautiful combination of broken and mended pieces💗

05/20/2022


You Have to Know You’re Worthy to Attract a Healthy Relationship 05/10/2022

You Have to Know You’re Worthy to Attract a Healthy Relationship

You Have to Know You’re Worthy to Attract a Healthy Relationship If you consistently attract unhealthy relationships, it's time to take a deeper look at your past, your thoughts, and your beliefs about your worth.

05/09/2022
05/06/2022

The key to a calm household? A calm parent. When we join their chaos, we can say goodbye 👋 to anything getting calmer.

However, when we’re able to channel our inner Zen, what we end up with is this: A brief moment where a toddler is upset. Then the escalation stops there. Power struggle avoided.🤯⁠

Remember, it’s okay for our toddlers to have big feelings. We can accept that meltdown, and not react. The moment will pass, and it will pass MUCH faster if we can remain calm ourselves, surrendering to the stormy moment.🥳

So try this (I know it's hard, “try” is the key word):⁠

✨Take 1 slow, deep breath before responding ~ It shifts how your brain functions and releases some of the calm chemicals⁠.

✨Name your feeling to yourself ~ It contains the chaos - even if you just whisper in your mind “I’m feeling angry and out of control right now.”⁠

✨Take a break if you can and narrate it ~ “I’m noticing my body is telling me to take a break. I’m going to sit down for two mins.”⁠

And if you raised your voice, or lost your sh*t and joined their chaos? THAT’S OKAY. No guilt allowed. We’ve all been there, you’re human. Tomorrow is a new day, and you can repair. Take it easy on yourself — you deserve that❤

✨ Struggling with all things toddler? Meltdowns, discipline, & power struggles? Our course, Winning the Toddler Stage, is here to help, on sale for Mother’s Day! $99, now just $84! And ready to ditch the diapers for good? Potty Training Made Simple is on sale! $34, now just $29 for a limited time. Link in bio for both courses!✨

05/05/2022

💯🌸 🌞

04/28/2022
Morning rituals that can change your life | Tony Robbins 04/28/2022

Morning rituals that can change your life | Tony Robbins

What’s your morning ritual?

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/whats-your-morning-ritual/?fbclid=IwAR3rRzdXGbNVuVmEYXwn49SBQhDYs2raqfzfVG7eycEGL9IzGDnNO7PahB8

Morning rituals that can change your life | Tony Robbins What’s your morning ritual, and how can you perfect it? Read Tony's recommendation and choose a morning ritual that can change your life.

04/27/2022

Cognitive distortions are thinking errors, and we humans are prone to thinking errors…especially when we’re stressed.

I’ve been talking about this with tweens and teens lately. One bad grade? I’m terrible at math! (That’s polarized thinking.) The team loses a game? It’s all my fault for missing those free throws. (That’s personalization.)

Thinking errors can come and go, but they can also stick around and form intrusive thoughts that drive anxiety and depression. We have to learn to work through them.

Try Flip It:

1. Take a slow deep breath (count your 4’s to make a square in the palm of your hand while you breathe!)
2. Catch the negative thought - what is this thought saying?
3. Examine it - where is it coming from? What’s really upsetting me?
4. Flip It! Come up with 3 positive (but also realistic) alternatives.

Research shows that negative thoughts are really powerful, so remember the 3 to 1 ratio: you need three positives to overcome one negative.

Example:
Catch it: My team lost the game because I missed those free throws.

Examine it: I feel responsible. I wish I had practiced my free throws more.

Flip It!: It takes the whole team to win or lose and I did my best. I made some good plays and some mistakes but that’s part of the game. I know what to work on for the next one.

The first step is recognizing and owning our thinking errors. When we know what we’re dealing with, we can figure out how to deal.

Hope this helps!

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1133 Military Cutoff Road Suite 210
Wilmington, NC
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