08/31/2024
Yesterday, we shared a post about supporting your loved one with DID. Today, I’m sharing my experience with the lack of support and how it has impacted me.
First, I want to start by thanking those who abandoned me. Yes, thank you. Through extraordinary pain, you've opened my eyes to the truth of the epic lack of understanding, empathy, and desire to support each other in this world. You gave me the drive to start this organization to raise awareness, make change, and hopefully prevent others from experiencing the pain you caused me. Thank you. ❤
I’m Sky, and I’m deeply feeling this. These are my perceptions and feelings about how things have gone with friends and family. This is NOT directed at any one person. If you feel it is, I suggest you look within yourself. Please do not bring it to me. This is for many people, and I can’t do this more than once. If you need to contact me after reading this, I ask that you do so via email as listed on our About page. I will reply in time, when I’ve thought things through. Or I won’t. That’s my decision.
I recently read a post that asked, “What’s a question you wish people would ask you and your system?”
Here’s what came to mind: Anything. Anything about DID—what it is, how it works, what it’s like. Ask, "Is this true?" or, "I saw this on social media, and...?" Because I’ve lost too many people who just won’t ask. 😢
The vast majority of people—family and friends—have stopped talking to us since our system broke down after multiple major events happened at once. We were unable to talk about what we were experiencing. And when that happened, we had already lost everything just days before. Our home, most of our beloved pets, the security of selves, trust, our lifelong dream business and its income, clients who were close friends, and more. All in about a week.
Some people held out a little longer. Some, even longer. But in the end, we were left with very few. Very, very few. Less than I can count on my fingers and toes. That includes ALL family and friends. Plenty pretend to still care, but when was the last time YOU contacted us back? So, we let you go. And that’s the best thing we could ever do. If this hurts you, too bad. I never gave up on you. You gave up on me. So we left, and we are making our lives better.
Not because we did anything wrong. Not because we hurt anyone. Not because we did anything. We are human. We have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). People with DID were severely abused and/or traumatized as very young children, usually under the age of five. That causes DID. In our case, we’ve been diagnosed with polyfragmented complex DID. This is the most severe form of DID, caused by severe, extensive, PROLONGED abuse or trauma from a very young age. That caused OUR DID.
Some still hang on, but you know what? They still judge and don’t learn. They still don’t ask questions. They still don’t let us talk to them about it. They do love us, though—they’re trying in some odd way that I don’t understand. Otherwise, they’d be gone too. And it’s very, very hard for me. And I understand that IT HAS TO BE CONSIDERED THAT IT IS VERY HARD FOR THEM AS WELL.💔 Your true loved ones, the ones who stick it out, they’re the ones to stick with, even when it’s insanely hard. Because all of us—our loved ones and our system—matter enough to each other that we will do the WORK. It’s not called work because it’s easy.
We lost those people because they CHOSE to leave us. Because they didn’t understand and we couldn’t talk about it. We couldn’t. Our alters started rushing forward and publicly fronting—wherever, whenever, with whoever. We could not talk about it. We cannot talk about it. That day—the single day that the majority of all that loss happened—triggered memories that had been long ago locked away. We don’t know what they are yet—they’re still coming back in flashes now. But that day was traumatic. It was horrid. It was a day that will give us nightmares for the rest of our lives.
So, alone, terrified, lost, completely reliant on people and trusting no one, we were completely shattered. Try to imagine that in a literal sense. If you took a giant amusement park and dropped it from the heavens or launched it into space, that’s what happened in my mind. All of us went everywhere. We no longer could function as a cohesive unit. We ARE the same person/people we have always been. The same one you have always cared about. And the same one you turned your back on when they absolutely needed you. And for some of you, even reached out and SAID that they needed you. And you left anyway. Some friends.
You know what? That’s fine.
Do you know why?
Because while it hurts beyond belief, and at times, honestly, it makes some of us angry—angry that our tribe was traitorous and unkind. They did not care enough to learn about us. To ask about DID, or to even stick around long enough to try. They had known us for YEARS, some our whole life.
People questioned the safety of themselves and their families around us! Seriously??? I’ve seen half your kids born and grow up and go off to college!
Do they really think that all of a sudden we are not us? We are the same people we have always been. We are just disorganized right now.
So, to those that abandoned us: Thank you. Thanks for giving up when you did. We love you for that because now we have a new and wonderful goal.
You let us see your true self. We see how people are living their lives—judgmental, close-minded, and afraid of others for no reason. If you have a family, is that how you want your children to be as well? In fear? Judging others? What happened to “Love thy neighbor” and all that jazz? Does it not apply when someone gets hurt or sick, or has a condition you don’t understand? Did that person ever do that to you? Would they? Think about it. And even if they would, SHOULD they? SHOULD you? If your answer is not a resounding “No! I want to be free of stigmas and judgments of others. I want to care about people and be empathetic. I want to help,” then maybe YOU need some help. I can recommend a great shrink.
People with DID are not violent or dangerous. We are the same people you have always known and loved. It’s a shame you lost us. It’s hard to meet people as empathetic as those who had their minds broken before they hit kindergarten and learned to love and heal from that. Do some research next time before you leave someone with DID because you fear what you don’t know about the condition, or at least give them some closure and tell them you can’t handle it.
Again, thanks to those who left. And welcome to all those coming into our lives now! Looking forward to this new path!! 😁❤
~ Sky
