05/20/2026
Painting the roses red 🌹🥀❤️
📸.bessom
When I found out that I'd need emergent surgery, I had to take the first available appt because I'm already in the window of time where muscle cells die off for good. They can't be regained even if the nerve starts communicating to the muscles again.
Because of the 9 months of no nerve to muscle communication, my muscles atrophied and I developed metatarsal fractures from loading bone with no muscular support. If I can't build muscles in my foot, I can't dance.
While going through this grieving process, a lot of people have reassured me that I'll get creative and I'll find a way to be a dancer no matter what. While that's true, I knew that after this show, the way that I would approach dance moving forward would change. I knew it was possible this could be my last show, especially in ballet.
The earliest they could get me in for surgery was 3 weeks from when I found out. I was also at the beginning of 3 weeks of back to back shows, and had to be booted and extremely modified prior to the show. Luckily, I knew the choreography well, but it did mess me up mentally to not be able to properly practice the weeks leading up. All my muscles continued to decline so by the time I was jumping and on relevé for the show, I had lost even more and felt so wobbly. I hadn't been doing those things for weeks, and had just started jumping again as is.I couldn't even warm up in a way to get on my leg.
Anyways, I did this show on fractured metatarsals with atrophied muscles in my foot, and 0 communication from my tibial nerve. My foot has withered away to just bones and tendons, and you can even see it in some of the photos. Or I can, because I know what I'm comparing to, but hopefully it's not too late to get those muscles back.
I didn't know if I'd be able to do this show. I finished it out, and had nerve graft surgery 4 days later.
This was the first show with this school that I was actually able to do ballet, because I've been unable to do pointe. I'm so happy that I finally got to do ballet in a show, much more stage time, and even photos of me & my sister to remember it. It meant a lot to do this and I'm so grateful ❤️