31/10/2025
Question I was asked:
What was the most disrespectful thing someone said after you gave them a gift?
My answer:
My mother-in-law invited herself to my husband and my house a couple weeks after we were married and just moved in. We were absolutely not ready to have visitors nor did we want them because we were literally just starting our lives together. She came from another country with her disabled son and she planned on staying until her visa expired. Not good! They would be staying with us (in our tiny one bedroom, one bathroom home) during Christmas, too, which put another burden on us. I bought her a silver necklace with little diamonds in it and thought, surely, she'll be impressed. Nope. She held it limply in her hand and said “this is thin. I'll never wear it” and then carelessly tossed it in her purse. She did not like any of the gifts we got her, which was a lot. Do you know what she gave us? A $5 ugly lamp that she picked out at a flea market and made my husband pay for it. So not only did this selfish, hateful creature darken our doorstep for weeks, she never put up a dime for anything and demanded to be catered to.
Reader's comment(s):
May I ask why you didn't get out or say no?
My response(s):
It's a long story. The short version was I was too nice and kept thinking she'd change. It was my first time meeting her and I thought if I was just nice enough, she'd be nice back. Sixteen years later, I wish I could go back in time and throw her out on her head. She is a horrible person. She has never, not even once, been nice to me.
Reader's comment(s):
What a vile woman.
Learn these 7 sayings. Originally meant for MIL's but I'm finding they can be used with anyone.
#1 “What do you mean by that?" Great at a gathering. It will get people’s attention and she will have to explain it.
#2 "That's an odd thing to say out loud!" I read this from another site. MIL was in the living room with the little one playing in the corner. Mom was in the kitchen. MIL made some snarky comment to mom. "That's an odd thing to say out loud." Is said. By her 5/6-year-old boy. Mom was in the kitchen crying, trying not to p*e her pants from laughing (quietly) so hard.
#3 "That's CUTE!" This is best used when she thinks she's won or winning. I promise it will get under her skin. Say it in a condescending tone.
#4 “You’re right. I’m always never right.” This one will make them think.
#5 “Are you sure that makes sense?”
#6 “Is that supposed to be helpful or hurtful?” Follows along the same lines as #1, gathering is the best.
#7 “Are you feeling alright?” Works well with #2. Really drives home how inappropriate for the situation their comment was.
You can actually use all 7 during a conversation. I hope they will work for you.
Best wishes.
My response(s):
Thank you for this advice. I appreciate it. I have heard the first one but not the rest.
Reader's comment(s):
Brilliant. Thanks for sharing. Will use these when necessary.
what was the son like, if mommsy is like this?
My response(s):
He was, beyond belief, absolutely horrible towards me for years. He just started being (somewhat) kind to me this year. I don't put up with his BS anymore. Sixteen years of rotten treatment is enough.
Reader's comment(s):
And you stayed all this time??!! I couldn't put up with hatefulness for a minute!! As a teenage bride l did tolerate my husband's hatefulness for a few years and finally realized l didn't deserve it - l divorced his sorry, hateful ass - he passed a few years back and l'm sure the dark one is happy to have his favorite son back home
My response(s):
Unfortunately, I have a lot of childhood, teenage, and adult trauma that was never fully addressed. I had a very serious insecurity. Not that I am totally well now, I’m not. I never thought I was good enough for any good thing. I allowed many people to walk all over me. Being brow-beaten, bullied, and abused for years will do that. Now I am old and not financially stable so where am I supposed to go? I have put up with more insanity than any 20 people.
Reader's comment(s):
JUST SAY NO 🚫
Your MIL sounds like a very selfish and unappreciative kind of person. Your husband should have known what sort of person she is and ask her to leave. Give her some money and send her off to anywhere but your home.
My response(s):
She abandoned her first son at age 3 and wouldn't even allow him in her new home. She dumped/abandoned her second son (my husband) when he was 15 and the only time she talks to him is to ask for things/money. She keeps her third son (who is disabled) holed up day and night in his bedroom and feeds him candy. He's obese, diabetic, and has no social life. She won't take him to a doctor or school. She uses his disability money to purchase plane tickets and drags him along as a buffer because nobody can say “no” to poor, disabled Randy. She has been having an affair for years, gives her husband's belongings to her boyfriend, and then tells her husband her first son must have stolen it. Her disabled and elderly husband is at her mercy because he's had 3 strokes and cannot fend for himself so he's kept sitting on a filthy, old couch 24/7 in 95 degree heat. She sleeps in the only air conditioned room in a twin bed next to her disabled son who is forced to sleep with his 41 year old repulsive and horrible (she's just like her mother) sister. I thought I was taking crazy pills when I saw the set-up at their house. The house was a disgusting pigsty with p**s, crap, and rotten food on every inch of the place. These people have FOUR incomes coming in, which is about $5500–6000 a month. How do people live like this and have this much money coming in? They're completely useless and vile creatures but she's the queen of them.
Reader's comment(s):
People will only do what you allow them to do. I’ve had to walk away from people because of their disrespect. I chose my peace
My response(s):
I know you’re right. I’ve always had a fear of being homeless (I was for a while, that’s how I ended up married to my current husband). It’s extremely difficult for me make it on my own.
Reader's comment(s):
I hope you never allowed her in your home again after how shamefully she acted the first time.
My response(s):
I've never allowed her in my home. I've also never been asked and nobody listens to me. She's been to our home 9 times between 2009 and 2024. She comes unexpectedly, uninvited, and unwanted for anywhere between 10 days to 3 months. She's from another country and brings her disabled son (my husband's younger brother) and uses him as a buffer because no one will turn him away. My husband said “no” to her one time and that was 2021. She used to have family (other than us) nearby so she could stay with them when she would stay for the whole 3 month visa. In 2021, she showed up unexpectedly yet again (with the disabled son) so she stayed with us a few days, then her sister's, then back to us, etc. for a month this went on. She left on a Friday and everyone was relieved because no one can stand her. On Monday (3 days later), we get a knock on the door and guess who it is? Everyone's favorite house pest and she didn't have her other son. My husband said “no way!” and immediately drove her to her sister's where she darkened their doorstep for the next 3 weeks. She's a menace.
Reader's comment(s):
Keep an eye out. She’ll be back and want to move in again. Tell her you have no room and suggest a hotel. Chances are good, she won’t come at all.
And when you cater to people like your MIL they just keep going — you fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book of narcissists.
Your husband dropped the ball.
My response(s):
He did
Reader's comment(s):
How did you get rid of her after?
My response(s):
Her visa was up and she went back to her dingy jungle cave.
Reader's comment(s):
I hope you said no after that
Mom would have been on the first thing out of town, or at least out of my house. Visa or no Visa.
Mother-in-law arriving for a visit:
