Daily Dose of Dr Marry & DD—alcoholism, recovery and marriage insights

10/11/2025

The “What’s Good” Mindset: A Lesson in Problem-Solving
The fourth principle that sustains sobriety—honesty, humility, and service—also defines strong, ethical leadership.

For this, I often think of Eugene Francis “Gene” Kranz, NASA’s legendary Flight Director during the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo missions. I first learned about him through the book Go, Flight! by Rick Houston and Milt Heflin—and, like many, through Ed Harris’s unforgettable portrayal in Apollo 13.

When the explosion happened on Apollo 13, engineers flooded Kranz with reports of everything that had gone wrong. He paused, took a breath, and said something that changed the room:

“Let’s look at this thing from a standpoint of status.
What do we got on the spacecraft that’s good?”

That simple question shifted everything—from panic to problem-solving. Instead of focusing on failure, the team focused on resources, identifying what still worked and building from there. That mindset saved lives.

I had my own “Apollo 13 moment” early in sobriety. My counselor asked me to take inventory of what I still had to work with—skills, values, and memories of how I once handled challenges. It was the same principle: start from what’s good and rebuild from there.

I’ve carried this lesson into leadership, especially during times of crisis. When a team or department feels overwhelmed, I ask:

What’s still working? What’s good?

From there, solutions begin to grow.

The Kranz Dictum:
Focus on what’s working.
Shift from disaster to problem-solving.
Ask practical questions: How do we move forward?
Build from the good.

Whether in recovery or leadership, the “What’s Good” mindset turns crisis into opportunity.

So—what’s good in your world today, and how will you build from it?

Again, I welcome thoughts and comments

22/10/2025

Lesson Two

In both leadership and in living with the disease of addiction, you may feel, at times, like a house just fell on you.

You think:
“What am I doing?”
“I can’t do this — nobody can do this.”
“What was I thinking?”
“I’m not good enough or strong enough for this.”

I learnt a simple and liberating truth in rehab—take a breath¬.

When you’re faced with a difficult moment, and you might be wavering, take that next breath. It’s a powerful way to focus your thoughts and intentions.

Just breathe for a moment.

I learnt something similar in the leadership workshops I have taken.

Before you say or do anything, take a pause, a breath, and consider your words and actions.

A great friend of mine, Dr. Sandra McCutcheon (we did our Ph.D.’s together) is now a mindfulness coach (Mindfulness Skills4Life), and she told me that the beginning of all meditation practices is…queue dramatic pause…a breath.

I have in my wallet a piece a paper with my cornerstone piece of advice I give to everyone: “All good things come to those who take a breath.”

Take a breath and then start at the beginning.

The first step. Then the next one. One at a time.

That is how to grow in leadership and how to take one day at a time.

You will ALWAYS get there doing this.

Again, I welcome comments and observations.

08/10/2025

Dr Adi Jaffe is doing incredible work in the realm of addiction and recovery, and his newest book Unhooked is just part of that important arena.

Listen to the Brave Middle Ground conversation we had and then pick up Adi's books, too.

Believe me, you know someone who needs this.

I was at the library yesterday—truly one of my favorite places on earth—when I spotted the latest book by Dr. Adi Jaffe, Ph.D. on display.

I read Unhooked and found real value in it because it’s not just a book.

It’s part of a cultural shift: one that normalizes addiction and recovery as part of the human experience, not something to hide or whisper about.

That’s exactly why I invited Adi to join me on my Brave Middle Ground podcast earlier this year.

We talked about what it really means to rebuild a life after addiction, how labels like “addict” can limit healing and why compassion and curiosity are far more effective than judgment or fear.

It was one of those conversations that stays with you—the kind that expands what you thought you knew.

If you care about what’s happening in the quiet, complicated middle spaces of our culture—the ones where transformation and truth actually live—I hope you’ll take a listen, and then pick up Adi’s books, too.

Because someone you know is struggling, and hearing this conversation might be the moment they realize they’re not alone.

https://daynadelval.com/2025/01/24/brave-middle-ground-dr-adi-jaffe/

06/10/2025

The nonalcoholic bitters I ordered from All The Bitter arrived this weekend, and they are a big, BIG hit at our house!

BUT, it's what came with them that really delights me: a handwritten thank you note, six fabulous recipes and this little dino!!!

Way to bring the taste AND the fun, All The Bitter! 🤩

07/08/2025

Re-posting because it bears sharing again. 🤬

What else have Dr Marry and I been up to: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_lUkv8ujQ7vynBtfPn6dCTI-azbnUREp ​ ​ ​ ...

15/05/2025

He won't be happy that I'm posting these because he doesn't particularly care for either one, but I have to share them because they represent not just surviving addiction but thriving beyond it in the most extraordinary of ways.

Two events from this season at Minnesota State University Moorhead. Two opportunities where Dr Andrew Mazz Marry is shining. Two opportunities where his decision to get and stay sober led to advancements, promotions, leadership and belonging in ways that were never the case before he put the bottles down and invested meaningfully in himself, his professional relationships and his career.

I love both of these photos, mostly because I love the man in them, but also because it's too easy to forget where we were fewer than 10 years ago, in the darkness of addiction, shame and isolation. Mazz being denied promotion more than once; his work life better than his home one, but just barely.

I hope these photos will be a beacon to anyone who is still in that dark hole. Keep going. Keep working. You are worth it. You are worthy of a different kind of life—one that celebrates, supports and engages you. One that lets you live, flourish and soar.

05/04/2025

So, this happened this week.

“Sometimes it takes a village” – yes, it does. Dayna K Del Val, Prairie St. John’s, AA members, friends, family (both the one you are born with and the one you make on the way), and work colleagues. Yes – I stuck with it, and I had help. Think about that. In today’s messy world, people still help each other.

In eight years, two months, and six days of sobriety, I have been promoted twice (yes, I know, the second one is not in effect until August), voted in as department chair for the last three years, and (again in August) will be the Chair of the new School of Science within the College of Science, Health, and the Environment at Minnesota State University Moorhead.

Recovery from addiction needs help and hope. If you read this, pass this on - here is an example of both.

16/03/2025

Do you know the story behind this photo?

This photo, taken about one hour after Dr Marry got home from being gone for 6 weeks: 2 weeks in the hospital, including 6 days in a medically-induced coma, and 4 weeks in in-patient rehab.

The morning this photo was taken, I was reading some book about a woman who gets home from work and her husband is already cooking in the kitchen. As they talk, he reaches for another glass and pours her a glass of red wine while they continue to share their day.

I finished that section and was outraged that that would never again be my life. That I would never again be able to have wine in the house. That Mazz's alcoholism was now spilling over to my life.

I picked him up around 3:30. We got home and it was awkward. Neither of us quite knew what to do or say.

I was kind of stomping around the kitchen when he said, "What's the matter, D?"

After a few, "Nothings," I finally blurted out what I had been thinking about the book and that couple and our new life.

Mazz said, "Put on your shoes."

"Where are we going?"

"We're going across the street to Luna to get you a glass of wine and me a lemonade."

"We CAN'T go to Luna on your first day home from rehab!"

"Look. My bed is still open. If I can't do this, then you'll drive me back to rehab and I'll try again."

We walked into the restaurant, and there were our good friends John and Emily. They happened to be two of the very few people who knew Mazz had been in rehab because they had called to invite us for dinner while he was gone, so I had to tell them.

I was filled with shame to be there. I felt like we had giant spotlights on us the entire time. I was mortified that I had "demanded" this outing. I was terrified that this tenuous sobriety wouldn't stick. I was embarrassed to be with an alcoholic if I'm brutally honest. I was afraid I had a drinking problem that my first thought after picking my husband up from rehab was "I want a glass of wine."

Mazz, on the other hand, was cool and calm as a cucumber.

We said a brief hello and went to sit somewhere else. I was jumpy and so nervous, climbing out of my skin.

I ordered a glass of wine; Mazz ordered a San Pelligrino. Nobody questioned us. Nobody thought anything was out of the ordinary.

Another woman we all knew saw us and said, "Let me take a photo of you four fabulous people."

I don't know why she took that photo—I remember thinking it was kind of odd in the moment. But today, eight years later, I'm so grateful to have this reminder that this was our true Day 1. This was the first step.

Mazz soared, and I grew to stop fearing and resenting and bemoaning and instead found unaccountable gratitude for the journey this amazing man took and invited me along on. The glorious journey we continue to take. 💗

14/03/2025

I brought Dr Mary to Kaua’i to celebrate his recent 55th birthday. One of his favorite things to do, in a long list of favorite things to do in Hawaii, is find as many NA pina coladas as possible. He’s never (yet) met one he didn’t like.

This trip gave us many excellent options as well as other NA cocktails that just make the setting sun, the tropical beaches and the general vibe of Hawaii even better.