Daily Dose of Dr Marry & DD—alcoholism, recovery and marriage insights

01/02/2026

Nine years ago today, I began a journey I couldn't possibly have predicted the outcome of.

Of course, I didn't begin it alone. By my side, reluctantly at the time, was my wife, Dayna K Del Val, and my stepson. They were in that uncertainty with me, too.

Three years later, Dayna and I decided to go public with our journey because we were living in a new normal that had far surpassed anything either of us could have imagined, and we hoped it might be useful for any other couple who were living in the terrible grip of addiction.

We continue to hear from others that our story inspired conversation, hope and change, and so I share it again in case you or someone you know needs to know they are not alone.
If you are struggling with addiction, know that I know where you are. If you love someone who is struggling, Dayna knows some version of your story, too.

But we both know another reality that perhaps eludes you right now: life on the other side of addiction. You are not alone, and there is always hope.

Dr Marry and I have made a decision together to share the most personal part of our nearly 20-year relationship in the hopes that it might offer assistance to others who have struggled or are currently struggling with this issue. We share this knowing that we are putting ourselves out there (particu...

10/11/2025

The “What’s Good” Mindset: A Lesson in Problem-Solving
The fourth principle that sustains sobriety—honesty, humility, and service—also defines strong, ethical leadership.

For this, I often think of Eugene Francis “Gene” Kranz, NASA’s legendary Flight Director during the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo missions. I first learned about him through the book Go, Flight! by Rick Houston and Milt Heflin—and, like many, through Ed Harris’s unforgettable portrayal in Apollo 13.

When the explosion happened on Apollo 13, engineers flooded Kranz with reports of everything that had gone wrong. He paused, took a breath, and said something that changed the room:

“Let’s look at this thing from a standpoint of status.
What do we got on the spacecraft that’s good?”

That simple question shifted everything—from panic to problem-solving. Instead of focusing on failure, the team focused on resources, identifying what still worked and building from there. That mindset saved lives.

I had my own “Apollo 13 moment” early in sobriety. My counselor asked me to take inventory of what I still had to work with—skills, values, and memories of how I once handled challenges. It was the same principle: start from what’s good and rebuild from there.

I’ve carried this lesson into leadership, especially during times of crisis. When a team or department feels overwhelmed, I ask:

What’s still working? What’s good?

From there, solutions begin to grow.

The Kranz Dictum:
Focus on what’s working.
Shift from disaster to problem-solving.
Ask practical questions: How do we move forward?
Build from the good.

Whether in recovery or leadership, the “What’s Good” mindset turns crisis into opportunity.

So—what’s good in your world today, and how will you build from it?

Again, I welcome thoughts and comments

22/10/2025

Lesson Two

In both leadership and in living with the disease of addiction, you may feel, at times, like a house just fell on you.

You think:
“What am I doing?”
“I can’t do this — nobody can do this.”
“What was I thinking?”
“I’m not good enough or strong enough for this.”

I learnt a simple and liberating truth in rehab—take a breath¬.

When you’re faced with a difficult moment, and you might be wavering, take that next breath. It’s a powerful way to focus your thoughts and intentions.

Just breathe for a moment.

I learnt something similar in the leadership workshops I have taken.

Before you say or do anything, take a pause, a breath, and consider your words and actions.

A great friend of mine, Dr. Sandra McCutcheon (we did our Ph.D.’s together) is now a mindfulness coach (Mindfulness Skills4Life), and she told me that the beginning of all meditation practices is…queue dramatic pause…a breath.

I have in my wallet a piece a paper with my cornerstone piece of advice I give to everyone: “All good things come to those who take a breath.”

Take a breath and then start at the beginning.

The first step. Then the next one. One at a time.

That is how to grow in leadership and how to take one day at a time.

You will ALWAYS get there doing this.

Again, I welcome comments and observations.

08/10/2025

Dr Adi Jaffe is doing incredible work in the realm of addiction and recovery, and his newest book Unhooked is just part of that important arena.

Listen to the Brave Middle Ground conversation we had and then pick up Adi's books, too.

Believe me, you know someone who needs this.

I was at the library yesterday—truly one of my favorite places on earth—when I spotted the latest book by Dr. Adi Jaffe, Ph.D. on display.

I read Unhooked and found real value in it because it’s not just a book.

It’s part of a cultural shift: one that normalizes addiction and recovery as part of the human experience, not something to hide or whisper about.

That’s exactly why I invited Adi to join me on my Brave Middle Ground podcast earlier this year.

We talked about what it really means to rebuild a life after addiction, how labels like “addict” can limit healing and why compassion and curiosity are far more effective than judgment or fear.

It was one of those conversations that stays with you—the kind that expands what you thought you knew.

If you care about what’s happening in the quiet, complicated middle spaces of our culture—the ones where transformation and truth actually live—I hope you’ll take a listen, and then pick up Adi’s books, too.

Because someone you know is struggling, and hearing this conversation might be the moment they realize they’re not alone.

https://daynadelval.com/2025/01/24/brave-middle-ground-dr-adi-jaffe/

06/10/2025

The nonalcoholic bitters I ordered from All The Bitter arrived this weekend, and they are a big, BIG hit at our house!

BUT, it's what came with them that really delights me: a handwritten thank you note, six fabulous recipes and this little dino!!!

Way to bring the taste AND the fun, All The Bitter! 🤩

07/08/2025

Re-posting because it bears sharing again. 🤬

What else have Dr Marry and I been up to: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_lUkv8ujQ7vynBtfPn6dCTI-azbnUREp ​ ​ ​ ...

15/05/2025

He won't be happy that I'm posting these because he doesn't particularly care for either one, but I have to share them because they represent not just surviving addiction but thriving beyond it in the most extraordinary of ways.

Two events from this season at Minnesota State University Moorhead. Two opportunities where Dr Andrew Mazz Marry is shining. Two opportunities where his decision to get and stay sober led to advancements, promotions, leadership and belonging in ways that were never the case before he put the bottles down and invested meaningfully in himself, his professional relationships and his career.

I love both of these photos, mostly because I love the man in them, but also because it's too easy to forget where we were fewer than 10 years ago, in the darkness of addiction, shame and isolation. Mazz being denied promotion more than once; his work life better than his home one, but just barely.

I hope these photos will be a beacon to anyone who is still in that dark hole. Keep going. Keep working. You are worth it. You are worthy of a different kind of life—one that celebrates, supports and engages you. One that lets you live, flourish and soar.

05/04/2025

So, this happened this week.

“Sometimes it takes a village” – yes, it does. Dayna K Del Val, Prairie St. John’s, AA members, friends, family (both the one you are born with and the one you make on the way), and work colleagues. Yes – I stuck with it, and I had help. Think about that. In today’s messy world, people still help each other.

In eight years, two months, and six days of sobriety, I have been promoted twice (yes, I know, the second one is not in effect until August), voted in as department chair for the last three years, and (again in August) will be the Chair of the new School of Science within the College of Science, Health, and the Environment at Minnesota State University Moorhead.

Recovery from addiction needs help and hope. If you read this, pass this on - here is an example of both.