26/11/2021
I grew up without a Thanksgiving. There's no such holiday in Russia, and my family didn't really adopt it upon our move to Canada.
I continued to not celebrate Thanksgiving all through my university years, living in Montreal and then Houston. Throughout all those years there were always friends who would throw Thanksgiving Dinners for out-of-town or international students, but I always preferred to use the days off school to catch up on practicing or work.
And not until discovering mindfulness and meditation practices, did I begin to see gratitude as being more than just a simple expression of thanks. As a rule, Russians tend to guard their emotions and children are taught to suppress feelings. And so perhaps it should come as no surprise that I used to find it very awkward to express gratitude. I used to feel incredibly embarrassed each time I said thank you when I truly felt it. I'm still not sure how to diagnose this condition, but I suppose the feeling of embarrassment was linked to openly experiencing a strong emotion which I subconsciously classified as being weak.
Around the time that I was getting into mindfulness and meditation, I also learned about the practice of gratitude. I suppose it was becoming a popular "thing" - it kept popping up in my life, and so I gave it a try. I never really committed to a daily practice, but I would often listen to a guided meditation on gratitude, and I did try to keep a gratitude journal in an app on my phone. It was hard at first! After running out of the obvious (family, friends, cats, work, food, etc.) I would often be stumped for something to be grateful for - especially on difficult days. I began to think both deeper and simpler. I realized there was no need to come up with something extravagant each day. Some days it's okay to just be grateful to still be here on this Earth. And the simple act of dwelling on the positive for a little bit each day was transformational, regardless of what I finally entered into my app.
And so at some point after I discovered the practice of gratitude, an opportunity presented itself to host a Thanksgiving Dinner. My husband and I had never done anything special for Thanksgiving since he similarly never celebrated the holiday growing up, and so this was something new for both of us. It turned out to be a beautiful evening which we got to spend with wonderful people. For the first time I felt that I finally understood the holiday of Thanksgiving. The entire meal - from its conception to its presentation, felt like an expression of gratitude. From that day, Thanksgiving became my favourite holiday. Human beings celebrate so many things each year - mostly anniversaries of sorts - and many of these holidays are accompanied (if not outright taken over) by gift-giving. Thanksgiving of course stands in the shadow of Black Friday, but still, I think there is something very special about a day which we can dedicate to giving thanks for what we already have.
After teaching a morning lesson, I gave myself an impromptu day off yesterday. And then we made an impromptu Thanksgiving Dinner and I reflected on all the things that I have to be grateful for.
A lot came up - I no longer have trouble connecting with the feeling of gratitude - but one of the first things to come to mind was my small, budding, online community. Whether you follow my page because we’re friends or family, or you’re a student of mine, or perhaps we’ve never met and you just like my content, I am so grateful to have you. If I’ve ever been a resource for you, I want to thank you for your trust. In both music and yoga, I am privileged to work with amazing human beings who make this world a better place.
I've set an intention to begin a formal daily gratitude practice and I'd love it if you'd join me. For the rest of 2021, I will be posting one thing that I’m grateful for each day.
Who’s with me? Post what you’re grateful for in the comments below!
