Silvia Hera psychology (2025)

29/08/2020

🏞 Walking along the river bank I suddenly found myself collecting pebbles. I was impressed by their completely flatness, round shape which make it perfect to paint on them.

Here are 5 tips what you can use them for 🏞

🌳Grounding and Mindfulness🌳
When you're feeling overwhelmed and dysregulated, pebbles are great for helping you to practice grounding - coming back to the "here-and-now".
While holding a pebble, try to describe the texture, colour, shape, size, weight, temperature, asymmetries. Pay attention to the physical layers below: e.g. your bodyweight pressing down into your feet.

👩‍💻Identity👩‍💻
Write/Paint your positive and negative traits on them which define you. You can add resources (values, tradition, belief, etc.) that you bring from your family.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦Where am I in the relation to others?👭
Arrange a group of pebbles which represent your social circle (family, friends, work, school, etc.).
Where is your "me-pebble"? On the edge? In the middle? Who is the largest pebble? Does anything seem unfair or troubling in the constellation?

📈Life timelines📈
Paint/Write on pebbles to show particular moments of your life (e.g. changepoints, powerful emotional memories, etc.). Use a paper or s.g. straight as a timeline, and put them on in chronological order.
With your child you can tell your daily stories this way too.

🧸Talisman🧸
You may choose a small pebble to represent supportive qualifies as courage, love, resilience, etc. Carrying this talisman around you may feel that its energetic properties protect you from everything and give strength to meet challenges.

28/08/2020

It's hard to put down this book. So inspirational, powerful, like the writer herself.
Role-model and the best American first lady ever. ❤

27/08/2020

✨ It depends not only on our abilities or talents, but much more on the mindsets whether we achieve our goals or not.
One of the most basic beliefs we carry, psychologist Carol Dweck found in her research, how we see our personality.

A 📍fixed mindset📍assumes that our character, intelligence, and creative ability are static givens which we can't change, and striving for success and avoiding failure at all costs become a way of maintaining the sense of being smart or skilled.

A 🚀 growth mindset 🚀, on the other hand, thrieves on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of unintelligence but as a heartening springboard for growth and for stretching our existing abilities.

At the heart of what makes the growth mindset so winsome, is that it creates a passion for learning rather than a hunger for approval.

Citing famous leaders, athletes and artists as examples, Dweck shows how they reached success with this attitude.

A highly recommended book for everyone. ✨

26/08/2020

🙏Many people say that volunteering has changed them in ways they never expected. Regardless of the motivation, what unites them all is that they find it both challenging and rewarding.
Though you would miss the personal presence during the pandemic, there are many other ways you can helps others.

Here are the benefits why it's worth to do it 🙏

🗃 Skills 🗃
While you share your knowledge with others, it deepens your one too. You can develop new skills which help to improve your career prospect or switch it to other field.

⏰ Time ⏰
You can spend your spare time usefully.
Volunteers feel less busy, nervous, stuck in the squirrel wheel.

👬 Network 👭
Your network will expand with people who are deep-seated, caring and have similar values. Good way to socialize and make new friends.

🚀Growth of self-esteem 🚀
Volunteering builds empathy, strengthens social bonds and makes you smile which increase the feeling of love.
It ends loneliness and protects you from depression and anxiety.

🌍 Social responsibility 🌍
It gives a sense of purpose. You can contribute to social well-being as well while dealing with an important issue.

25/08/2020

🛑 Healthy boundaries can serve to establish one's identity.
These are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe ways for people to behave towards them, and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.

Here are 6 types of boundaries you deserve to have and what they might look like in practice 🛑

🤚 Physical boundaries 🤚
It includes your needs for personal space, your comfort with touch and your physical needs (e.g. food, drink, rest).

"I'm really tired. I need to have a rest."
"I'm not a big hugger. I'm a handshake person."
"I'm hungry. I'm going to grab s.g."

🤢 Emotional 🤢
Recognizing how much emotional energy you're capable of taking in and knowing when to share or not with others.

"I'm having a hard time and really need to talk. Are you in a place to listen right now?"
"I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. Right now I'm not in the place to take in all of this information. Do you think we can come back to this conversation later?"

⏰ Time ⏰
It means to understand your priorities and setting aside enough time for the areas of your life without overcommitting.

"I can only stay for an hour."
"I would love to help, but I would be overcommitting myself. Is there another time?"

👄 S*xual 👄
It includes asking for consent, discussing and asking for what pleases you, protecting your privacy of the other person, saying no to things that you don't like or that hurt you.

"I don't want to have s*x tonight. Can we cuddle instead?"
"Tell me what you like/don't like."

💬 Mental 💬
It refers to your thoughts, beliefs, ideas that others shouldn't shut down, belittle, etc.
It includes respect for the idea of other people, that they can have different opinion about s.g.

"When we talk about this we don't get very far. I think it's a good idea to avoid the conversation right now."
"I can respect that we have a different opinion on this."

🚙 Material 🚙
It refers to items and possessions like your home, car, clothes, furniture, money, etc. Understand what you can and can't share and how you expect your items to be treated by people you share them with.

"I can't lend my car. I'm the only person on the insurance."
"We can't give any more money. We'd be happy to help you in other way."

24/08/2020

📗 As September is coming, many students are returning to school soon. This year it will be challenging due to the global pandemic.

Here are some tips how to help your child during this process regardless it's online or regular type of learning. 📗

The week before:
Return your child to the normal routines (morning, bedtime, meal-time, etc.). ⏰
Keep a short revision in case they need. If it is possible, ask for an extra online 1:1 session between the teacher and/or learning support worker. 📚
For physical health, ask them to do some exercises daily. 🎽
Make for them healthy meals. 🍇
Play separation games (e.g. hide-and-seek) to relieve separation anxiety. 🧸
Talk about how they feel about the situation. It's okay to be nervous and anxious. 💬
Remind them of the advantages of school: see friends, teachers; learn new things.
Talk about the importance of protecting clothing, following measures, keeping distance, washing hands. 😷

The night before:
Tidy up their desk and room. 🛏
Involve your child in packing their bag and choosing clothes/preparing their uniform. 🎒👚
Ask them if there is anything that will make this easier for them.
Reassure them that lots of adults are working hard to keep everyone safe.
Play separation games and those that involves physical contact (for bonding). 🧸

The first day
Allow more time than usual to get ready. 🕰
Eat breakfast together and talk about their feelings. Discuss about the drop off and pick up procedures - if they don't go by bus. 🚙
Prepare healthy snacks for the day. 🥪
Reassure them that everything will be fine. 👍🏻
Play a short separation game.
Schedule extra family time during the first weeks, as your child is likely to miss you. 👨‍👩‍👧

Extras for online learners:
Talk about the advantages of online learning.
Keep their daily routine, get dressed. ⏰👚
Take short breaks between lessons.
Make healthy food for them. 🥗
Schedule offline programmes too. 🎨

22/08/2020

The principal theme of the Double Secret appeared to be figuring out what could be hidden under the human figure.

What is your opinion? 🙂 What deeper layers do you have that you don't show others?

/René Magritte: The Double Secret, 1927/

21/08/2020

All-time favourite book ❤

19/08/2020

❤ After so many years/decades in a relationship it's pretty hard to show something new of ourselves to the partner and keep the flame alive.

We're flooded with so much stimulation that our threshold has become higher, so we can easily get bored.
Since two people are being in a relationship, we can't just expect the other one to take steps, we have to take responsibility too. ❤

Here are some questions to help you to spice up your life:

- Can you express your needs in a relationship? 🗣
- What excites you right now/What are you waiting for the most? 🎆
- When was the last time you try s.g. new together? 🥘
- What adventures could you go through together? 🏞
- How could you have more fun? 🥳
- How could you make playing a part of your everyday lives? 🎲

15/08/2020

☀️ Only you are responsible for your own happiness.
It isn't selfish to find me-time.
So enjoy the sunshine before it starts raining again. Housework can wait sometimes. ☀️

🌺 Have a lovely weekend! 🌺

13/08/2020

⚠️ Warning for people ⚠️

❤ Nowadays plenty of useful videos are available about ghosting. I would like to look at it from another perspective.

In this situation two people get to know each other and despite the successful date(s), one of them vanishes suddenly.
The problem is people's irresponsibility: they don't take into account the other one's feelings, what kind of harm it can do to them. They only have fun till they need something.

For a hard-to-trust person who also have attachment problems, the devastation might go deeper: They are already beginning to believe that this could work, when they are left behind without any explanation.
They start looking for faults in themselves ("Did I say/do s.g. wrong?") and the deep-rooted fears become activated ("I knew I'm not good enough, not loveable"). Since the other one rejects them, these seem justified.
It can also happen with a fundamentally trustful person: If they meet with a similar type many times, after a while they become suspicious of the opposite s*x.

It's not about that you can't quit a malfunctioning situation/relationship. At least respect the other one and discuss it in person. Later on you must not fool them as well.

Here the person who ghost doesn't dare to face the other one's reaction. Yet a human relationship is like that: you also have to take on the part of the potential bad, not just the good side.

Is the fun worth that much that the other one's world can collapse afterwards?
We aren't here to judge. Just treat others the way you want to be treated. ❤

12/08/2020

What stands behind your hunger?

Sometimes we eat even if we don't feel hunger. What do we compensate for with this?

🧁 Stimulation 🧁
Can you distinguish biological hunger from desire?
What stimulation do you lack that you don't receive from your environment?
What new activities have you tried in the last 3 years?

👭 Relationship 👭
What communities do you currently belong to? Does your weight affect their feelings about you?
What are the experiences that are only good to share with others?
Can you express your needs in your relationship?

👏 Recognition 👏
Whose recognition do you need the most?
How do you react when you get praised?
Praise yourself! Write down 10 positive traits of yours.

👄 S*x 👄
What comes to your mind about feminity/masculinity?
What do you use your body for? What else could you use it for?
What positive and negative experiences do you have with your body?
Do you happen to eat instead of s*x?

🗓 Structuring 🗓
Do you control your day or does it control you?
Do you have realistic goals?
Can you take responsibility for your decisions?

🏕 Activity 🏕
Are you bored?
Is there a task in your life that is challenging?

🖼 Creation 🖼
What are the activities during which you feel space and time disappears?
Are you afraid that if you don't do s.g. right now, you'll end up missing out on it?

❤ Love ❤
Who are the people in your environment from whom you get respect and real attention?
What does it look like when you respect yourself?

09/08/2020

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

🎞 Tula is a 30-year-old Greek woman, who lives with her family at the suburb of Chicago and works at the family's restaurant.
She had to face her otherness early on: while the other girls where blonde and fragile at school, she had dark hair and mustache.

Accorting to her father, a normal Greek girl has 3 things in life: marries a Greek boy, gives birth to a couple of children and feeds them until she dies. Her counsins are constantly shouting, and everyone has a say in the other's business.
However, Tula longs for a different kind of life. She is curious about the world, wants to learn, be bolder, more beautiful or just happier.
Due to many unneccesary orders, she is thinking about modernizing, but to expand her knowledge she needs to to apply to college.

What turns her life upside down the most is when she starts dating with Ian. He is American, an only child, vegetarian and non-religious.
Is it possible for people coming from diffent cultures to grind together, or will the families stand in their way?

This light, humorous and sentimental film is perfect for not just entertainment, but also to think about tolerance, to stand up for ourselves and find our own ways. A bit feminist topic which wasn't so prevalent back in 2002.

What is your opinion? Have you seen it before? 🙂

06/08/2020

🌊 "If the waves crash over me, I ..." 🌊

How would you finish the sentence?

/Katsushika Hokusai: The Great Wave of Kanagawa 1829-1833/

02/08/2020

Why are habits so strong?

When you sense the smell of cinnamon or see a freshly baked cake at the exit of the metro station, your brain immediately switches to automatic mode. It connects the signal with the reward (sugar=joy, satisfaction), which leads to a subconscius craving.
By time, the process becomes more and more automatic. However, you can influence the habit by changing one of the components.
The motivation is easier if you meet with familiar things before (signal) and after (reward).

Here are the steps:

1., Find a strong inner motivation!

2., Identify the routine!
(E.g. Sit in a café for a cake every afternoon.)

3., Be curious about what's going on inside!
Try to find out what you are craving for!
Is it the cake or something else? (Need a break from work?)
What thoughts, feelings, physical states can you recognize? (bored, tired, lonely, etc.)
Wait 15 min., and answer the question again.

4., Experiment with the triggers!
If it's the cake:
Are you hungry? (Eat an apple instead.)
Do you need energy? (Drink a coffee.)
Excuse to build relationships?

5., Find the signal!
It can be a place, time, mood, other people, or the previous action.

6., Write a plan!
(E.g. Next time at 3:30 p.m. go to a collegue for chatting.)

7., Believe in yourself!
Alcoholists could follow the new habit only till the next stressful event. You have to believe that you can handle a situation alone as well.

31/07/2020

Mythologist Joseph Campbell compared the myths of cultures and found a common schema: the hero's identity-seeking journey that leads to the inner center.
His 17-phase-model was effected by Hollywood, Walt Disney Studio, Abraham Maslow and other psychologists.

What is the secret of the hero's success?

Leaving the comfort zone:
Most of the people are afraid of taking responsibility for their decisions, but the fairy-tale hero is confident that she/he will find the necessary resources along the way.

Courage:
Dragons and other enemies mean our fears, anxieties, anger, which we have to face through the journey. We can't run away from them, but must learn to tame and live with them.

Change of perspective:
Positive reframing: reword the negative thoughts, interpretations of a situation. We can't change what has happened, but we can look at them from a different perspective.

Flexibility:
Many people has a fear of making mistakes. The hero assumes the delusions. Reinterprets the situation and forges value from an unexpected situation.

Resources:
Unconditional love and demands are needed for healthy personality development, what we usually receive from parents. However, we can get positive feedback from anyone.

Patience:
It's not all up to us, we have to learn to wait. Let's not look at the whole way, just think ahead to the next step.

Persistence:
We all know athletes, artists, business people who perform above average. There are many obstacles to face on the road, we can't give up after the first one.

Belief in miracles:
It's expressed in the wish that we believe in changeability of the situation. The hero creates the conditions for a miracle to happen. It may not necessarily be related to an external event, rather the change of mindset.

28/07/2020

Finding resources during these extraordinary times is essential. A book, a song, a hobby - anything, that helps to cope with stress and makes you more resilient.

While I was expanding my book list, I was rereading this prize-winner classic. Being amazed by the character's persistence, his fight with the giant fish, how he respected the sea and his victim.

What does motivate you to not give up? :)

26/07/2020

Sunday is the best time to stop for a moment and look back what happened during the week.
If you write it down, it helps to draw out the lesson and see the experience from another perspective.

Here is a short guide:

- Write 5 things you are grateful for!
- Have you lived up to your values?
- Have you got closer to your goals?
- Write down some small achievements of the week!
- Has something triggered you strongly? What was that? What can be behind it?
- If you have more time, write a review/reflection of an experience!
- What was the last thing you had a dream about? What can it mean?

As for myself, I'm grateful for those who paid attention to my posts.
How about you? :)

Silvia Hera psychology