11/10/2022
Continuing to focus on one job has been a difficult adjustment for me. My thoughts are just so scattered with work, why am I not as good at writing code or troubleshooting like my co-workers, why does it feel like I am so far behind everyone, but my boss is telling me what a great job I am doing. Why is it I always think people are lying to me? Is it because I am living a lie? I change who I am depending upon who I am around - why? Because I feel like I have to continue to impress everyone or they will get bored and leave me, again. Maybe I will just self sabotage. Actually, that is a fantastic idea. Whatever normal is, I would like to be much closer to normal than where I am....