Confessions From the Cuckoo's Nest

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THIS!!! đź’Ż I can also add color, love, support and trust from those you trust most. But really when it all comes down to...
10/05/2020

THIS!!! 💯 I can also add color, love, support and trust from those you trust most. But really when it all comes down to it, all those roads lead back to nature 🌍

Thank you to Brain Pickings by Marie Popova for sharing this beautiful message today.

LOVE is my religion ❤️

Blog #1 - DANCE, DARKNESS, & DALE CARNEGIEThe first time I can vividly remember having a dark downward spiral into depr...
17/04/2020

Blog #1 - DANCE, DARKNESS, & DALE CARNEGIE

The first time I can vividly remember having a dark downward spiral into depression and anxiety came around my sophomore year of college at Point Park University.

I didn't feel at home there, I didn't know who I really was or what in God’s name I was doing majoring in dance. I just picked it because it was something I knew I enjoyed doing and didn't know what I truly wanted to be when I grew up. In fact, while many of my college friends had to fight their parents to choose a major in dance and were left to pay for their education themselves, I had parents willing to financially back me and parents who encouraged me to choose something I loved to do. Because when it came down to it, all you really needed was a silly piece of paper with some letters on it to get a job. "Why not major in something you enjoy, if you don't really know what you want to do?" they said. I was the one thinking... "What the hell do I do with a degree in dance?"

I knew full well that my anxiety would never allow me to have a successful career in dance considering the fact that the thought of auditioning for anything locked up my body and my mind due to the fear of judgment and rejection. Dance was something I loved to do because it made me feel whole and at peace inside. Music was like an invite and a magnet to my body asking me to move.

As soon as dance became something that could allow you to be judged, be competitive or be graded, the joy was gone for me. Plus, my type A personality would never allow me to see how a career in dance could possibly be stable enough for me to earn a paycheck on a regular basis when it came time to step into the real world. I needed stability and structure, not days upon days of auditions with rejection (MY WORST NIGHTMARE).

I don't remember how the darkness started or what I told my parents. They instinctively knew that something wasn't quite right with me. I’m sure they were concerned and maybe even a little worried. Though I love both my parents dearly, my Mom is usually the one I run to and confide in to talk about my deepest issues, but it was my Dad that gave me the tool that would help break me out of the darkness and see the light.

Anyone who knows my Dad knows how much he loves to read. I’m pretty sure when he was a kid he’d sit down and actually read encyclopedias. So it’s no mystery that he turned to a book as a source of help for me. Mental illness wasn’t something he understood from a personal account so I’m sure he decided he’d leave it to the experts. He gave me Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People & How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” I’m so glad he did because this was the door that opened my eyes to the “self help” section in bookstores. Throughout the years I’d find so many more books that have helped me find some light along my journey with anxiety and depression.

Even though this book was originally published in 1936, the words still ring true 80+ years later. I didn’t know who most of the people Dale Carnegie talked about were, but it didn’t matter. My mental struggles were the same and the advice I needed to hear was the same too. That book was all I needed to pick me back up to where I belonged during this particular experience with darkness. Here are just a few of my favorite excerpts that brought me back to life:

“One grain of sand at a time… one task at a time.”

“When we have accepted the worst, we have nothing to more to lose. And that automatically means – we have EVERYTHING to gain!”

“The remedy for worry is to get completely occupied doing something constructive.”

“There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying bout things which are beyond the power of our will.”

“The most important thing in life is not to capitalize on your gains. Any fool can do that. The really important thing is to profit from your losses.”

“When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.”

I want to extend a huge thank you to my parents for always believing in me and giving me support when I needed it most. I also want to thank my father for giving me the gift of this book. This book turned on a new light for me when I was just a 19-year-old with little direction and feeling lost in a world of unknowns.

13/04/2020

This little quirky bird house was the inspiration behind this new journey of “Confessions From the Cuckoo’s Nest”.

It’s a craft that I made while 302’d at Forbes Hospital for Postpartum Psychosis back in January of 2019. My son pulled it out of a drawer the other week while he was playing and I erupted with laughter. 🤣

My husband held onto this silly thing in hopes that one day I would be able to look back at this dark time in our lives with a sense of humor and lightness. I’m so glad he did! ❤️It now lives on my nightstand as a symbol of love and hope.

I’m ready... It’s time to make my mess my mission (Thanks Tom)

13/04/2020

This is the beginning stages for my idea of "Confessions From the Cuckoo's Nest" Thanks for joining me on this journey!

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This little quirky bird house was the inspiration behind this new journey of “Confessions From the Cuckoo’s Nest”. It’s a craft that I made while 302’d at Forbes Hospital for Postpartum Psychosis back in January of 2019. My son pulled it out of a drawer the other week while he was playing and I erupted with laughter. 🤣 My husband held onto this silly thing in hopes that one day I would be able to look back at this dark time in our lives with a sense of humor and lightness. I’m so glad he did! ❤️It now lives on my nightstand as a symbol of love and hope. I’m ready... It’s time to make my mess my mission (Thanks Tom)

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