
06/11/2024
Week 10 Day 2
'Giving up' is as individual as we are. In my professional life, people initially came to see me at their wit's end. Someone likely had said 'go and see Heather', often weeks or decades before (sorry to those who left it too late - I am still available online). What they heard was their choice, what they did next, even more so.
What did 'giving up' look like to me? Not sure, as I have not yet. No limitations, having discovered a new system of regenerating living beings, I intend she begun meaningfully speaking before I leave the planet. Goal, we will see - I work by unlocking blockages, and she has all the bits, like the young lad, if you read it, with the broken back choosing to straighten his leg out, I provide options, and like Kathryn peeing once by herself in.the loo only the one time, that is enough.
After all, when pushed whilst in my sister's care whilst I was hospitalised over thirty years ago, she popped out "where's Heather?' What else is inside? I want to know.
The first page in my 2005 manual asks 'who owns your thinking?' How do we think what we do, by choosing what reality to live in? It is all choice, yet so many must have backing, social validation before they commit to any course of action. Change is only scary when we accept feeling stuck.
I backed myself, somehow knowing that only I wore the consequences. Only I knew me also, thus I asked for information, I knew it then had to go through filters. Likely those independent seemingly belligerence ones, counter to orthodox acceptance as I ran my own race.
The core issue is that wanting change requires change. Being stuck in what I call the middle circle - personality cage, causes the wars, division, right and wrong polarization.
What next is who/what is a person, and why even are they here? I go with biology with its own rules, and explain about women having seven year cycles, men eight. This makes it easier to understand 'hormones', as how we feel dictates what they do.
How we feel changes this. Who knows what frustrations Kathryn's no voice had stirred up. When I had to fight for Kathryn's rights to not have to go through being a woman, as a baby emotionally, mentally, in menstruation, I was ignored.
For her being alive was hard enough, she was already water defensive, hated being wet. She had heroically withheld poo, could control her pupil dilation, heaven knows what else, so how would she be, feeling trickling down there and not being in control? Maybe monthly drenching herself and how much harder would this be for her carers?
When this protracted debate, fought against for by those academics who were being woke before most of us knew that if we thought something, it was (she may magically get better, then sue the NZ government for sterilizing her, and she wanted a baby).
It cost us largely. A ll those in the Court in Chch were women, who knew of this cyclic life interruption, it was an integral part of our lives. Add to this, the feelings she would likely act out, let alone sensations, possibly painful, with no way of communicating in either direction, but more with more unwanted 'behaviour', I felt that this was an unacceptable additional handicap she did not need.
Some ask the expected mental age, but what about her emotional age? Her accumulated wisdom, having observed life, watching the interplay of others intersecting what she wants, with her attempting to make sense of, always locked in, such trust must be there.
I did not capitulate. The case dragged on. Judge ordered I go off to explore where Kathryn may be placed if Patricia could no longer cope. Soul destroying seeing the cast away people I had seen in the psychopedic institution decades before be moved about daily, no individualized care, like walking, or wheeled pot plants, to be moved about to avoid the sun, day after week after month after year, after decade.
Is this living? Who stands up for us? Giving up is still no option. I have a 'pass out', for now. I will not allow the state to treat her as less than. The group soulless non acknowledgement is coming after all of us, should we have little or no 'currency', as she has. Who stands up for us, for you, if you do not for others now?
Is it up to me? Choices. Driven. Still. Thankfully, I have other projects to distract me. At no stage has Kathryn Skye given up. She could not give up, relentless life is, she is still here. I must trust she has her own team on other dimensions to ensure she is helping those she came in to.