29/10/2024
A Simple Game of Tickle
By Cherie Somers
It was such a simple game of tickle.
An interaction taken for granted by so many parents as a quickly passing milestone of childhood.
It’s so easy to take it for granted.
You tickle your child. They ask for more. You do it again.
It's the most basic of back and forth interactions…
So for most parents, this stage quickly comes and goes with little effort and little recognition of its magic.
But to the mother of an autistic communicator this seemingly routine interaction will never be taken for granted because she’s so acutely aware of its value.
Her child doesn’t yet know that his communication can feel good and that he can use it as a tool to bring fun and joy.
He doesn't yet know all of the gifts his own communication can bring him.
And so she will teach him.
She will teach him that his most natural form of communication has value and purpose, and that it can bring him power and joy.
She will teach him within the simplest of interactions - a game of tickle.
Little by little, day after day, she lifts up his shirt to tickle his tummy in a way that brings that familiar giggle.
She doesn't prompt for him to say or sign “more”.
She simply “listens” with her eyes to discover all he tells her without using words.
She knows now that this is the only way to help him understand the value of his own communication.
And so she watches…
Is it a brief hand twitch or body movement?
A fleeting look towards her hands?
Does he scrunch up his body with a partial smile in anticipation?
With every nearly imperceptible communicative expression she sees, she gives him a tickle in return as she helps him slowly learn to connect his actions with the fun she is bringing.
The rest of the world falls away as she begins to understand him and he begins to understand her.
He doesn’t yet know that his communication can bring him power and joy.
She’s teaching him this with each response she gives.
She “listens” some more, watching for communication so fleeting that if her gaze shifts for a second she may miss it.
It is exhausting to pay such close attention.
But little by little, she’s teaching him:
To trust her to “listen”
To trust in himself
To understand how good it can feel to communicate.
Over time, his glances move briefly from her hand to her face.
Then his hand moves more purposefully towards his shirt with a quick touch.
She reads it all - not missing a thing….
Every tiny piece.
And she responds immediately because she knows that this is how he makes the connections.
The more she works the more she realizes that this wordless back and forth interaction she is building feels more natural and meaningful than any of the spoken words he has been prompted to use before.
This is communication in its purest and most authentic form, born out of a connection that only comes from trust.
She continues… and the more she responds, the more he responds in turn.
Until one day his hand moves more purposefully.
This time, his hand doesn’t just briefly touch his shirt but he purposefully lifts the shirt himself as a smile briefly touches his lips in anticipation.
This simple movement would be taken for granted by so many parents and so many professionals..
But not her.
This one movement reflects the critical shift happening within him.
He is discovering that his communication has power.
He is asking her to tickle him.
In this moment he understands that it's HIS communication that's bringing the fun.
And she feels something shift within her because she knows the magnitude of this moment.
What matters most can only be found right here, within this moment, at the most basic level of a back and forth interaction
By "listening" to his communication in its purest and most natural form she has unlocked a door she thought she’d never open.
She knows that the road ahead is still long but worry can wait for another day.
For now, she will savor this moment in all its possibilities, knowing that she can return here to do this again and again and again…
And at this moment all she feels is gratitude.
And she knows that the joy that comes from all it took to get here is her own kind of secret that so many parents who took this for granted will never know.
They will miss the miracle that lies within a back and forth interaction that could only develop out of the depths of dedication, love, and trust.
She knows for sure that she will never ever take this for granted because the building and growing of a simple game of tickle was where she found the magic of connection, hope, and all of the possibilities that lie ahead.
