Lightbringers United

22/07/2021

It is a journey.

Visit us at www.rebeccabaldwin.com

For more from The Spiritual Compass sign up for my newsletter: http://eepurl.com/b2IrrL

28/06/2021

25/03/2021

When life feels easy and pleasurable, and the universe seems to present us with just what we need when we need it, we’re experiencing the energy called “flow.” Synchronicities arise.

We float the path of least resistance. We’re aware and joyful.

In my experience, life doesn’t always flow.

Obstacles and losses naturally cross our paths. But when we feel especially stuck or stymied, it’s a good idea to try going with the flow.

If you white-water raft the Colorado river, the guides will teach you that if you end up in the water, you should float face-up, with the current, your feet down-river. The water is too powerful to swim in, so you have to float. Keeping your feet in front of you prevents your head from striking a rock. Lying flat will allow you to breathe easily as you skim over obstacles. If you’re dumped into the rapids of life, lie back and float for a while.

Relinquish control and stay safe.

Trust that trusting in life’s synchronicities will carry you to dry land.

https://judymckillop.com/the-map/

11/01/2021

I was so lost.

Mired in a sea of pain, tarry and black,

Unable to get a glimpse of light,

Cold and naked and alone,

In excruciating, agonizing pain,

But I was alive.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to live.

I wanted to live, but felt like I was dying.

I was so afraid.



Then Covid came along,

And mortality loomed,

And I became concerned,

'What if I die before I have the chance to tell my story?'

'What if they spend the rest of their lives not knowing?'

And I opened up and started to tell my truth.

A lot of the truth was not what anyone wanted to hear,

Tales of abuse,

The crying of a wounded child.

And the time came for me to testify.



I gave my testimony over and over again,

Verifying stories and reports made decades ago,

And it colored my world with horror,

The worst of humanity is all I could see.



I reached out,

Grasping for reason,

In an upside down world,

All the while vomiting the infection of my soul,

Standing in a pool of my own darkness,

Seeing nothing but shadows,

Begging the world for a light.

But I didn't know how to ask,

They all turned away.



Some of my crazy splashed on them,

As it poured itself out of my mouth,

And where it touched them, it hurt them,

The people I love the most.

I screamed to them for help,

I retched and spewed until there was no will to live left inside of me.



All I wanted was to know,

Was why I should be allowed to live,

When there was so much blackness in my soul.



I shined a light,

A beacon, calling others to my aid,

But the light was too bright,

It burned their eyes,

And they looked away.

I couldn't see my own brilliance, though,

My vision was obscured,

By the tarry liquid I was suspended in.

I couldn't breathe,

I was drowning.



I wanted the pain to end.

But I didn't know how to let it go,

I had been carrying it for so long.

I had long been crushed,

By the weight of the guilt,

Of those who had hurt me.

So many of them had told me,

'You made me do this',

Or, 'This is for your own good.'

While they tortured my mind,

R***d my body,

Shredded my soul.



I didn't understand,

That I didn't have to drown.

My feet could easily reach the bottom of the pool,

I could simply stand up,

Wipe my eyes,

And step out of the well of despair,

That I had long been stranded in.

I needed to do something, a grand gesture,

One that matched the agony of my spirit.



I went for a walk one night,

On what I believed to be a righteous mission.

Thirty miles later,

I was barefoot, naked, and bleeding,

Shivering in nothing but an undershirt and bathrobe,

Screaming at the police,

That they needed to let me go,

Lives were at stake.

And they were, or at least my own was.

My body may have survived,

But my soul would have died,

If I never made my long walk.



My feet were badly injured,

Thickness burns, they call it,

Basically road rash, but without the scabs,

Raw and bloody and painful.

And I was alone.

I fought to live,

But I wanted my pain to end so badly.

I had to come to grips with the injuries to my feet,

Before I could address the damage,

That had been done to my soul.



When I said that I did this for you, because of you,

I didn’t mean to lay the blame on you,

Only to explain that I was trying to protect you,

I only wanted to keep you safe,

From suffering the agony,

That had nearly killed my soul.

The blame was never yours.

The words I was using were inept,

I needed you to know,

That I never abandoned you,

You were taken from me.



In those times in your life when you needed me,

I was never far away by my own choice.

And, I was determined to prove how much I love you,

Even if it meant walking across the country,

Barefoot and naked, on the side of the freeway.



Know that for the first time in my life,

I was not suicidal,

I wanted to live my life,

To do something monumental,

To show you that nothing is more important,

In my life than you are,

Not even my own life.



In recovering from my injuries,

I have learned something new.

I learned that the thing I had lacked.

The thing that I had been seeking for years,

But never managing to find,

Was what some call 'forgiveness'.



I could not grant absolution,

For I could never remove the culpability of those who had hurt me so,

But I found a simple 'putting it down-ness'.

I learned to stop shouldering the burden,

Placed on me by those who told me,

'You make me do this',

And there were so many of those.



You need to know now,

That I never blamed you for what I did to keep you safe.

It was my choice to stay,

My choice to endure,

It was the only way I could be with you,

The only way I could protect you,

And I do not regret the decision in the slightest.



I am so sorry,

I never meant for my pain to hurt you so,

I was a bundle of broken shards,

Cutting into the souls of those,

Who only wanted to hold me while I cried.



I couldn’t accept the comfort, though,

I couldn't allow myself to not feel it,

I couldn't cry healing tears,

I couldn't absolve those who had caused,

The pain of the torture that was my life,

I was afraid that the pain was the only thing that was real,

Because when I had put it down before,

When I had trusted others and allowed myself to be happy,

I was rewarded with new abuses.



But this time, I focused on myself,

On understanding my own history,

On realizing how much I carried that others had put on me unfairly.

I learned from this experience,

That putting it down is not the same thing,

As granting a plenary indulgence.

It's all in the words.

I couldn't grant them forgiveness,

That lies between them and GOD,

But I did learn to put down the burden,

I let go of the weight that was piled on my back.

It was never mine to carry,

And I realized that it would continue to damage me,

If I had continued to hold onto it.



In my entire life,

Every moment has been colored by pain,

Pain is the measuring stick,

That I used to know how I felt.

Happy to sad was a sliding scale,

Based on how little or how much I was hurting,

And I felt disconnected from the world around me,

Anytime the pain was gone.



I am beginning a new chapter in my life,

One where I learn to be something else,

Where I experience something other than pain.

I am learning now, how to live,

Rather than spending all of my energy,

Fighting to be alive,

While I carried the hot coals of the cruelty of others,

Burning myself up inside.



For most of my life, I wanted to die,

Having been told that the world would be a better place without me.

I know better now.



My heart had to break,

My shell had to shatter,

So that I could shoot up out of the darkness,

Finally, learning what I've always sought.

An acorn, long planted in blackness,

Impacted deep in the earth,

I have sprouted leaves,

I am ready, finally,

To grow deep roots,

And reach for the sky.



Birth is painful, children.

Not only for the mother, but for the offspring.

Do you think that hatching from a shell,

Or bursting from a cocoon,

Could be any more or less agonizing,

Than being squeezed and pushed through a tube,

That is a fraction of the size of your body?



Rebirth is also painful.

Who you are changes and is cast aside,

As the new, glorious being you have become,

Bursts forward into the world.

That is what forgiveness is,

Freedom to be yourself,

Free of the burden of another's guilt,

Understanding that you are who you are meant to be,

And allowing yourself to be free.

01/01/2021

2020 Playlist

30/12/2020

Playlist

27/12/2020

Don’t neglect your mental health during this pandemic.

13/12/2020

Don't forget...
For those of you with witchy or shamanistic spiritual beliefs, particularly...
check out tonight's meteor shower (during the last new moon of the year),
And catch the full solar eclipse (protect your eyes), starting at about 7am(cst) in Chile (1pm local time), it will be visible from much of the world.
There's some real astral magic going on, guys!
And on the Winter Solstice?
The Grand Conjunction.
what a strange and miraculous year it's been

09/11/2020

9 am 'sunrise' meditation, common truths, religious unity, bring everyone together.
Energize, Entertain, Enlighten
Meditation for Energy and Wisdom
Root Yourself In Your Work

4:30 pm 'Sunset' Meditation, Shake off your day,
come have a STORYTIME WITH SUNSHINE DANCING,
kid friendly, I invite you all to 'suffer the little children'
Live, Laugh, Love
Meditation for Patience and Clemency
Root Yourself In Your Home

9 pm 'Moonrise' Meditation,
Rest, Reflect, and Refract
Meditation for peace and balance
Root Yourself In Your Dreams

07/11/2020

Be kind to yourself today - you deserve it!

05/11/2020

05/11/2020

These two incredible women embody and put great use to, the energy of Compassion, Kindness, and Charity.
I strongly recommend that you follow them, and I will put all of their live broadcasts here for the foreseeable future.
THANK YOU FOR THE SANCTUARY,
WE REALLY NEEDED IT.
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, WE LOVE YOU!

04/11/2020

A musing on the value of motherhood moments, And a new stanza on an old poem.

04/11/2020

03/11/2020

A song from a mother to the world.

27/10/2020

We're telling you there's a chance - plus more pearls of wisdom on how to create a life you love living from Hollywood’s highest paid comedian, Jim Carrey.

26/10/2020

A reminder to not get hung up on labels.
Whether you call the Source Energy of All Creation 'God',
Gaia, The One, The Great Spirit, Allah,
Or any of a thousand other names,
The entity that we commune with is the same one.
Don't ever think that your 'name' of this power is the only one,
Or even the most accurate one.

26/10/2020

I had the happiest re-birth day.

I just had the most important breakthrough of my life.

I'd like to share it with you all.

Warning: the content of this essay is raw and may be painful to read. But, if you let it heal you, it is very powerful.

So, today is my 47th birthday.

I've come a long way since my ex destroyed me ... on my 40th birthday.

I've put myself back together, reinvented myself brand new. I had to lose everything to find my soul.

It's been a year of incredible growth. I have gone from homeless (living on the street) to an apartment, I get disability now, it's finally been approved. I don't have much, but I have the barest necessities.

Or so I thought, until Sanctuary.

What I've come to realize is that my single, barest necessity wasn't being met. I needed to feel that I have value.

I was living in a victim mindset: 'My life was not a good one and my value was stolen from me.' I had been spending the entire last 7 years of my life in the same paradigm as the first 40.

I was afraid of everything. But nothing scared me more than my own voice. I had continued my habit of jumping up and down and screaming out loud in a public place, hoping to get some attention.

See, my parents never wanted me. I was born prematurely after my mother dropped acid to try and induce labor.

I died at birth, and was resuscitated. I have died more times than any person I know. I have had numerous NDE's. It seemed like the universe was always trying to kill me.

My father left when I was young but despite numerous attempts by me to get out of the home of my abusive, mentally ill, alcoholic mother (she was doing everything she could to kill her own spirit sight), not one of his huge family ever rescued me.

In 30 years, not one of them has ever sent me a birthday card.
Why would they? How could I expect them to? Do you send birthday cards to strangers?

I was in an incredibly toxic and abusive relationship, we lived together for more than 20 years. I was utterly crushed, silenced, and discounted in all things.

Because of the numerous deaths, and the cause of some of them, I have epilepsy.

My body has been so horribly abused that I have MS. My spine is literally dissolving. I have crippling bouts of sciatica. I have a kind of chronic Leukemia (don't worry, this one thing won't kill me, it's not ever deadly). I live in public housing, on 800 dollars a month. I never have food in the house. No matter how hard I try to reach out and touch the hearts and lives of others, I am thwarted by my own disabilities.

Or so I thought.

I support my adult autistic son on my SSI. He doesn't qualify, based on his age. He has no income. He doesn't even qualify for foodstamps because he can't work right now because of covid. People with autism and mental illness are having major psychotic breaks from the virus. I can't allow him to put himself in that kind of danger to earn minimum wage for someone who will misunderstand and abuse him. I can't sell my son into slavery, while simultaneously putting him at risk of damage to that incredible brain. See, he's a savant. He communicates largely in mathematical terms. He actually *understands* Stephen Hawking's formulas.

See, on top of all of this , I'm a spirit medium, like my mother, and both her mother and her father before her.

I see spirits. When I look at them, I see them as clearly as I would you if you were standing before me. I hear them. I have spent my life learning to be a better writer so that I could share the lessons and stories that they've taught me. I was misdiagnosed as schizophrenic as a child. I was beaten, r***d, drugged, and hospitalized (for my own good) by those who would silence me. I scared them, so they killed me.

I saw this all as horrible cruelty by the Universe. I believed that I must have been the one who sunk the Titanic to deserve so much abuse.

But, you see, human nature is to live in the shadows.

Once you open the window to the light, you see the things that were hidden from you before. You understand fully the purpose of every single thing that brought you here, to this moment.

And, then you have a choice. You can keep that to yourself, it's your right. Or, you can turn and tell the story of how you came here, so that others take a minute to learn how to tell their own.

What Leah does is to open that window just a little. She guides us to LOOK into the shadows, increase the amount of light in our souls, and understand what is really holding you back.

And, in most cases as far as I've heard, that thing is fear.

It's been called 'The Demon Fear' because of the damage that it inflicts. It causes us to be timid, silent, hidden. In the service of hiding, we all too often extinguish the light inside of us. We put the flame out so that others will stop trying to kill us.

But, there's a HUGELY beneficial side to fear. It's motivating, driving, purposeful. You know this if you've ever procrastinated until the last moment and suddenly rushed to finish an important assignment. You are focused, and at your best when under the right kind of pressure.

The trick is learning to live in the light side of fear and not in its shadow. To avoid the shadow of fear, we look inside of ourselves and see what we are afraid of. When we do this with Enlightened minds, we recognize that the thing that scares us is death.

An end. An unknown power. A metamorphosis. And, we realize that ends, unknown things, and change are nothing to be afraid of. This is what we're here for.

We incarnate on this Earth in order to change.

We take physical form to learn how to become spiritual. We become spirits in order to learn what it's like to be physical. Yin/Yang. We are the creator, but also the creation. We create our own realities. When you do the clearing work that Leah proscribes, you are making space for your own power, making room for your full spiritual potential to be achieved.

Because of my living/financial situation, I wasn't able to clear a physical space for Sanctuary, I couldn't make a dedicated altar. I have nothing left to move out of my bedroom.

But, I had so very much spiritual baggage. In my healing journey, I realized that I was still carrying so much pain. I was carrying such a heavy load of other people's cruelty that it was crushing me.

In this process, I took all of the pain out of my mind and put it in boxes in a room in my meditation space.

I meditated endlessly, reliving memories, taking the value from them and releasing the pain. I took each memory out of the box, held it like a crystal ball and 'looked into it this way and that' until I divined both what the damage of this moment was, and what TRULY caused that damage.

Why was my mother abusive? Why did my father leave? Why did my ex hurt me over and over again? and more importantly, what did I learn from those experiences?

And when you are completely, frankly, absolutely honest,

When you look at those memories that haunt you,

And you take away the fear that gives them the power to continue to hurt you,

You grow. You learn. You continue to do that work every day, and ti completely changes who you are.

The more you learn about yourself in this way, the more the weight of the past is removed from your soul. Your karmic debt clears. Your dharma cycle is completed. You have attained ascension.

This process, and what Leah and others like her do to aid it are invaluable. These people are changing the world. They are teaching us how to join them. They are gathering us together to help drive the change, to end the cruelty of one human soul to another. They are putting and end to abuse.

And in this Sanctuary process, I have learned to stop abusing myself. I have learned to stop standing in the faces of those who don't give a flying f*ck what I have to say. It is no longer my job to force people to see me.

I FOUND A COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE WHO VALUE ME.

And this has led me to value myself. So, what happened with my Dad? Well, after realizing *WHY* it hurt me that a virtual stranger didn't care that it's my birthday, after recognizing that few of the people who I've had lifelong attachments to actually bother to take a moment to send a wish,

I realized that I had taken their years of disinterest and apathy as a statement that I have no value. I put that on them, I'm sure that's not what they meant. I resented them. I hated myself for resenting them. I punished myself for years because no matter how much I accomplish, they just won't look.

Well, I'm telling it now to those who actually will care to listen.

I have two college degrees. English/Creative writing and Religion.

I have published a novel. I sold copies of a novel that I wrote.

I have published poems, short stories and essays in numerous places.

And while in sanctuary, and writing from this space of spiritual creation, I wrote three poems that are going to be printed by a nationwide women's charity and distributed on fliers at shelters all over the country.

I have discovered that I am a valid person.

I have learned that I have a right to speak.

I have learned that others truly benefit from what I have learned.

I have recognized that in sharing the stories of our personal healing with one another, we heal one another and ourselves equally.

Thank you to the following, so much, for being here,

Leah, https://www.facebook.com/Leah-Lamb-176977905831618
Lightbringers United, Spiritual Growth Sanctuary, https://www.facebook.com/groups/346709003293770

The team at www.leahlamb.com,

Queen of Your Own Life, https://www.facebook.com/search/top?q=queen%20of%20your%20own%20life

Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop, https://www.facebook.com/ermabombeck

Lightbringers United https://www.facebook.com/BerdiDaniels

Stand UP https://www.facebook.com/letsallstandup

And to all of my accountability partners, everyone who has ever done a guided meditation, I love you. You have truly changed my life.

Thank you for making my pain my purpose.

Do yourself the favor of your life. Check out this link. It has the power to change your trajectory forever. https://leahlamb.com/home/
You won't regret it. Catch one of the free masterclasses by following Leah at https://www.facebook.com/Leah-Lamb-176977905831618
The only currency that we are truly given is time, and what we do with it. These masterclasses are time well invested.

26/10/2020

The Listening Tour Greetings good soul, I hope this finds you well in these times. I am writing to you from the smoke filled Topanga Canyon. The wind has carried the smoke from a nearby fire, providing the feeling of connection to the land I might not otherwise. It is my delight to introduce you to....