10/10/2020
From a pregnant mom regarding hyperemesis:
Ok, this is raw and some may say “brave”, but every time I hear a woman say she went through this, I get angry, sad and feel that someone should shout it from the roof tops in order to raise awareness. It is said that about 2% of pregnant women get hyperemesis gravidarum (HG or severe nausea), so that’s a lot of women yet the awareness and management of this condition is extremely lacking. Some women are lucky to not experience it again during a second pregnancy, but most have recurring HG and say it was the worst experience of their entire life. I was unfortunate enough to experience another “worst ever” health situation with excruciating pain every night for more than a month that prevented me from getting any sleep when I had endometriosis, so HG was my second “worst nightmare”. But this time, it was round the clock for months on end, with not even one second of respite when I felt normal. This obviously can lead to the conviction that you are actually going to die, or at least never be able to feel normal or eat again.
Now, describing the experience to other people or even women who had normal pregnancies cannot do it justice, only those living through it can really understand the horror of it all. Imagine having constant nausea that prevents you from eating anything for months on end. I “survived” on half a slice of toast per day for 3 months, so obviously lost a lot of weight at a time when you are supposed to gain weight for your baby’s sake. Imagine vomiting several times a day but not having anything inside, and choking on your own acid/bile occasionally, leaving you terrified of being alone. Imagine not being able to swallow any pills, vitamins or brushing your teeth. Imagine forcing yourself to drink and not being able to get in more than 0.5 l per day. Naturally this leads to experiencing the same sensations as people who literally die from hunger and thirst. You are bedridden and weak (so you had to give up your job or be on an extended sick leave if lucky) and after a while your brain becomes foggy and you can’t think straight, you are too weak to even formulate a cohesive thought. People around you don’t seem to understand and encourage you to “be strong, think positive”, force yourself to eat and after a while, become exasperated and start accusing you of whining or blowing it out of proportion. You hear things like “oh, I had it too, I only could eat x, y, z and vomited every day for a while” or “yeah, I know how it is, I used to have a bad case of food poisoning for three days” which make you feel even more isolated, hopeless and terrified. At doctor visits he encourages you to try this or that vitamin, acupuncture and some other totally useless tips because he can’t really gauge the reality of the situation only based on your words (after all, women tend to over-dramatize especially when pregnant, right?). That is, until finally after weeks or months of torment, he finally sees you break down in front of him, white as a sheet and trembling, at which point he sends you to the ER, where they finally diagnose you with HG and severe dehydration and pump your vein full of fluids and glucose, while also sneaking in a chemotherapy nausea drug that carries the risk of birth defects, but hey, at this point it may be really necessary. If you’re lucky in the realm of HG lucky, this kind of repeated ER visits and vein tracks help you start feeling normal again after 4 months, but if you’re not, this goes on for the entire duration of pregnancy and you eventually get hospitalized and on a permanent IV drip. Needless to say how this harrowing trauma affects your dignity, ability to bond with your baby or your feelings of adequacy as a mother. I hope and pray that the healthcare system finds a safe way to deal with this horrifying condition and not let women hang out to dry and battle this on their own as it’s currently the norm.