Emotional Wellness for Individuals & Families

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Emotional Wellness for Individuals & Families

Violeta Gaddum
Specialist Couple & Family Therapist | Psychologist | Clinical Supervisor
Internation

10/03/2024

Posted •

Toxic relationships have a way of separating us from our power and worth. This can happen to us in adulthood or during our childhood (and/or both).

Later, folks might call us codependent or people-pleasers, because that’s often what we look like…

But that’s NOT what’s going on underneath the surface.

We may have gotten out of the toxic or difficult relationship (partner, family, workplace, etc)…

But the toxic relationship didn’t get out of us. 😖

And, sadly, this makes us vulnerable to experiencing more toxic relationships in the future.

(So even if we finally gather up the courage to get out of one bad relationship, we often walk right into another).

But there is another way.

A way that I’ve found can change this whole miserable dynamic for good.

I call that way “becoming boundaried.”

Because as we become boundaried, we learn how to honour ourselves just as we honour others.

That means no more self-abandonment and self-betrayal.

(We don’t have to do that anymore).

A gentle, powerful, and honouring energy lights up our way instead.

The light of our being.

We don’t have to betray ourselves in order to get crumbs of worth.

We have worth, already.

We don’t have to search for it. It’s right here.

And there is a great dignity that comes with that, something no one can take away.

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08/03/2024

A Clinical Psychologist, a Family Psychotherapist, an Eating Disorders Specialist Clinician. Where does one expertise finish and another begins? Aren't those the same thing? Does it matter?

I started my career as a Clinical Psychologist in Brazil in 2006. I then completed a 3-year post-graduate diploma in Family and Couple Therapy. Ever so interested in relationships I dove even deeper into it, and in 2011, I completed an MSc in Family Therapy at King's College, London.

For the following 10 years, I worked as a Family Psychotherapist in three NHS eating disorder services in London - the best evidence-based practice for the treatment of EDs is to involve the family. Did I stop being a Clinical Psychologist then? Were those different titles and expertise mutually exclusive?

In 2019, life brought us to New Zealand, where my husband is from. Different from the UK, NZ doesn't recognise Family Therapy as a standalone profession, so it doesn't have a registering body overseeing our practice. It seems that anyone can call themselves a family therapist (charming!).
In NZ, I can't call myself a Clinical Psychologist, because the NZ Board of Psychologists doesn't recognise or accept my qualifications and expertise pertinent to their scopes of practice.

Here, I've become professionally orphan. But I can still practice privately, I just can't use any 'protected' titles. I can call myself a 'Family Therapist'! I can also call myself an 'Internationally-Registered-and-Certified Psychologist'. I continue to be registered in the UK and in Brazil. It is important to belong to a registering body, for my practice to continue being accountable, up to date, to connect with courses, resources, and like-minded people.

Continuing to be true to the potpourri of interests and qualification, I continue branching out. I am never too far away from the classroom. Working with individuals has, once again, become my bread and butter. I am still a specialist eating disorder clinician. I am still a couple and family psychotherapist. And I am absolutely happy and fulfilled in my practice.

22/12/2021

As 2021 comes to an end, I would like to take a moment to reflect on this tremendous journey we have all been through. And while it’s clear the pandemic still has a grasp on our country, I find myself toying with the idea of hope.

COVID has challenged our certainties and has created new ones. It has pushed and kept families apart, physically and emotionally. Lockdown worked as a pressure cooker and, in the intensity of the stillness, many people found themselves in chaos.

Temporary emotions started to feature more frequently and persistently in people’s lives, as home became work (or school), and work (or school) became home. In lockdown, we had nowhere to look but inwards, and the uncomfortable became intolerable. And many people, after spending a great part of their lives conforming, decided it was time to confront the status quo, seeking therapy.

COVID exposed our need for the kind of change that can only come from within, from prioritising ourselves and our mental health; the type that can only come through healing. It’s painful and terrifying to let go of old narratives that have held you back and harmed you, but that have also helped you survive up until this point. When the safety of the familiar becomes part of the problem, we realise that the temporary discomfort caused by changing is a necessary part of the transformation.

I am humbled by the trust and confidence my clients have placed in me and my work over the last year, and I feel privileged to be a small part of their journey. A journey that entails navigating through their strengths and vulnerabilities; that requires them to really get to know that person in front of the mirror, to understand and acknowledge their scars and their wounds; to finally see the hidden forces that have been holding them back, and to push through against the tide of familiarity. A journey that involves being kind to themselves and taking ownership of their own emotional wellness.

Learning who you are and what you are capable of is not only empowering and transformative, but one of the most profound experiences you can have.

May we have a safe and peaceful holiday, striving to bring calm to the chaos.

20/12/2021

Emotional Wellness might start with reminding yourself today is a new day.
What would your first step be?

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06/12/2021

Emotional Wellness might start with changing your focus.
What would your first step be?

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04/12/2021

Emotional Wellness might start with finding ways to love yourself.
What would your first step be?

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02/12/2021

Emotional Wellness might start with understanding the themes of your arguments.
What would your first step be?

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30/11/2021

Emotional Wellness might start when you listen to understand, rather than listen to reply.
What would your first step be?

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28/11/2021

Emotional Wellness might start when you set boundaries.
What would your first step be?

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26/11/2021

Emotional Wellness might start when you find your own closure.
What would your first step be?

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24/11/2021

Emotional Wellness might start with understanding what emotional intelligence is.
Self-Awareness: The ability to identify your emotions and understand how they impact others.
Empathy: The ability to understand the emotions of others, and respond to them accordingly.
Self-Regulation: The ability to regulate and manage your emotions, and to respond rather than react.
Internal Motivation: Curiosity, optimism and a passion to fulfil one's needs and goals that goes beyond external rewards like money, fame, and status.
Social Skills: The ability to interact well with others and build meaningful relationships.

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http://www.violetagaddum.com/

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