The Blue Letter Project with Cynthia Pecking

19/04/2024

When you hit a rough patch in your relationship, a lot of times it feels so scary because you don't know what to do. Yet most of the time, the underlying pattern is the same.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Are you actually aware of your cycle? When you enter into conflict with your partner, are you repeating the same steps, again and again? Most likely you are.

For example: you have a disagreement. There's tension in the air. One partner retreats, or begins looking for evidence as to why this relationship is wrong. The other partner goes into fixing mode. What's your pattern?

Take some time to reflect, then ask yourself what you can do differently going forward.

15/04/2024

🌱 Ever wondered if the healthy of your relationship has an impact on your overall health? According to Dr. Mark Hyman, medical director of The UltraWellness Center, our relationships can have a huge impact on our overall health.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​What if by building a few simple steps into your daily routine, you could drastically improve your relationship, and in turn, your overall happiness, level of fulfillment, and even that annoying stress belly?

Get started with my free guide: The Top Ten Habits of Power Couples, which walks you through 10 easy-to-adopt power habits that will give your relationship an instant boost. [link in bio]

P.S. For the quickest win, implement Habit 10 first. You'll thank me!

12/04/2024

If you feel like you're always initiating, or if your partner is always asking why you never initiate, there might be a desire discrepancy.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​This doesn't mean you don't desire each other. It might mean that one partner experiences spontaneous desire while the other experiences responsive desire.

Spontaneous desire needs few triggers, it just sort of appears out of nowhere or is instigated by a visual cue, such as seeing your partner naked.

Responsive desire is a slow build. This partner might need more time and more cues, such as cuddling, touching or deep conversation (intellectual stimulation). Neither of these styles are wrong, they're just different.

So what can you do? First, a great way to satisfy both partners is to schedule intimacy. Notice I didn't say s*x. By scheduling intimacy (with no expectation of s*x), you're taking the pressure off to perform. This creates an environment that will foster the slow build that the responsive partner needs, while prioritizing intimacy, which the spontaneous partner might be craving a bit more.

90% of the time, an intimacy invitation will lead to s*x, because you've created the mood, while removing the pressure and expectations.

For more tips and inspiration on all things love, join the free FB group [link in bio]

11/04/2024

Is there a desire discrepancy in your relationship?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​It might be that one partner tends to experience spontaneous desire while the other experiences responsive desire. According the Dr. Rena Malik, an expert on s*xual health, both of these forms of desire are completely normal and healthy, but they can lead to a mismatch in the bedroom.

Spontaneous desire needs few triggers, it just sort of appears out of nowhere or is instigated by a visual cue, such as seeing your partner naked.

Responsive desire is a slow build. This partner might need more time and more cues, such as cuddling, touching or deep conversation (intellectual stimulation). Neither of these styles are wrong, they're just different.

So what if there's a mismatch in your relationship?
The spontaneous partner can leave a bit more time for foreplay while the responsive partner can take steps to prepare their own mind before entering into contact with their partner (mood-boosting activities).

More on this tomorrow!

08/04/2024

Jumping in your Inbox this morning with an awkward GIF and a few thoughts on desire. If you've been in a relationship for more than 5 minutes, I'm sure you've had the 'why am I always the one initiating?' talk, whether it's you or your partner bringing it up. Because there always seems to be one person who initiates and one person who consents.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Let's shed some light on this one. There has been some interesting research lately on spontaneous vs. responsive desire. Spontaneous desire is the desire to initiate without any sort of physical provocation. Translation? You take one look at your partner and you're ready to go. This tends to be more common in men, according to the research. Responsive desire is the desire to be intimate once the oven is warmed up a bit. This means you need a bit of touching, maybe some music, or possibly some role playing to get in the mood. The research says this is more common in women, particularly in long-term relationships. Sounds like a disconnect, right? Sure. And it can leave the partner who experiences spontaneous desire feeling rejected and lonely, while the responsive partner feels as if they're failing, again and again.

As always, recognizing this simply gives you the opportunity to make some adjustments, possibly leaving a bit more time so that both partners are equally satisfied.

Stay tuned for Friday's email where I'll be offering some tips and workarounds on how to 'warm up the oven' for the responsive partner while keeping things exciting and unexpected for the spontaneous partner. 💛

15/03/2024

🌟 We all know how tough it can be to swallow our pride and apologize to our partners, especially when we've really messed up. So here's a hack for those moments when you just can't find the words: try saying thank you instead.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Don't get me wrong, I'm all for genuine apologies – they can move mountains. But sometimes our apologies are riddled with excuses, and that just ruins the whole thing.

If you're struggling to deliver a solid, excuse-free apology, a thank you might just do the trick. I've included a few examples from my couples' conflict resolution course in the image. Comment "download" and I'll send them to you in a DM 😎🙏

13/03/2024

11/03/2024

🧱 Have you ever faced a pile of Legos, and felt utterly overwhelmed? It can feel like an impossible task.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Yet once you commit to the challenge, meticulously working through the instructions and fitting it together piece by piece, the magic unfolds. ✨

It's not just about the end result; it's about the joy of the process and the learning along the way. ]The fun of building Legos is in the doing and the learning. "The fun part is building it", AND "The fun part is knocking it over".

I like to think of my marriage in chapters, or perhaps, pages in the instruction book. Each chapter has its highs and lows, and sometimes, it makes most sense to close a chapter, or turn a page, and move on to the next. But without abandoning the entire project.

Because with every block you fit together, you're learning. And in the end, you'll have a beautiful masterpiece for the world to admire. 📖 But you have to keep going. Keep building, keep enduring, and keep enjoying the journey. 🌟



Source: Illustration taken from the book: How to Raise Entrepreneurial Kids by Jodie Cook and Daniel Priestley

08/03/2024

Ever heard of human design? It's the science of differentiation - understanding our differences and unique paths. But did you know you can use it to unlock mysteries about your relationship and clear potential clashes?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Let me share a personal journey... 6 years ago, Alex and I hit a rough patch. Feeling lost, a friend suggested I try a human design session. I was skeptical, heartbroken, and desperate for answers. But I listened.

Fast forward 5 years. Deep into a business strategy program, human design popped up again. Suddenly, memories of that old session flooded in. So I revisited the recording.

What I realized what that the predictions and advice she had given me based on my unique design, which I had ignored back then, unknowingly became the exact path that I followed, which in turn, saved my marriage.

We are all designed differently. Relationships aren't one-size-fits-all formulas. They are unique recipes that only you and your partner can create. Love every ingredient, and embrace the complexity. When you do, you'll write your own unique love story 💖

07/03/2024

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01/03/2024

If your marriage is failing and you’re considering moving on, let me ask you this: have you tried everything you can to save it?
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If your spouse refuses to do the work, have you tried everything you can on your own?
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Leaving your marriage is a Type 1 decision. Unless you are living with abuse, it should be approached with caution and careful consideration. Don’t rush a decision you can’t go back on.
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Reach out to me in a DM if you need help with this.

26/02/2024

Wanna know the secret to a happy marriage? Getting to work. I know, we all have a lot on our plates, and adding one more thing to the mix can feel like a drag. But how much of a drag is it when your relationship feels hard? Pausing for you to ponder on that one...​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Like most things in life, it takes a little work upfront... some invention, investment, time and energy to create something beautiful. Or have the flowers in your garden planted themselves? Does your dinner cook itself?

Since I want each and every one of you to have the relationship of your dreams, I'm here to take a bit of the guesswork out of it for you. I've included four questions below that you can ask yourself to do a mini relationship review. Cuz when you know better, you do better, am I right? Sometimes awareness is the first step.

1. What's working in your relationship right now?
2. What's not working?
3. What are you willing to do to create something new in your relationship?
4. What are you not willing to do?

I encourage you to answer these questions for yourself, then think about what your next steps are. Hint: doing nothing should not be one of them.

Your relationship feeling OK right now? Awesome! It can be better. It can always be better. What can you do today to make it even more fulfilling and purposeful?

Make the comments all the incredible invention ideas you've ever had.👇

18/02/2024

15/02/2024

So it would seem Facebook has notified everybody today of my “upcoming” Masterclass :-) It’s finished! But don’t worry, if you’ve got the notification and you’re disappointed, or if you start getting notifications and you think you’ve missed out, don’t worry, you can still get the replay here! https://cynthia-pecking.mykajabi.com/pl/2148243554

Who else has been pranked by Facebook?

Full replay of the masterclass Raise your Relationship IQ

13/02/2024

Did you know that almost all conflict in relationships can be traced back to one of these three needs categories?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Think about your last fight or disagreement with your partner. What were you campaigning for? More recognition? More time and closeness with your partner (teamwork)? Or do you need more structure and predictability (control)?

09/02/2024

Last chance to join my FREE Masterclass Raise your Relationship IQ, taking place tomorrow (Saturday) February 10th at 10 am EST. This masterclass will walk you through the needs & emotions that are driving conflict in your relationship, so you can break the cycle and reconnect with your partner. 💞​​​​​​​​​⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​​Simple terms? 👉🏻 If you feel like you’re fighting about the same things over and over, or you'd love to learn to communicate better with your partner, this masterclass, Raise Your Relationship IQ, is for you.
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We’ll be covering:
💪How to embrace conflict as a healthy part of relationships
💪How to understand the needs & emotions that are driving the conflict in your relationship
💪How to move forward with actionable steps to help you ditch the drama and get back on track.
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Sounds good, right? 🍸💯
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If you want a better relationship and a stronger family, this is for you. If you've decided it's time to show your kids a better example of what long-term love can be, this is for you.

You’ll learn which needs are going unmet, leading to conflict 👉🏻 and on to disconnect. If you could master this one skill this year, how would that feel?
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If you could communicate with your partner with ease, and feel safe in the process, how would that change your life?
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I’m so excited to share these incredible skills, which I’ve seen work for countless couples! 💫

What are you waiting for? 🔗Link in Bio (Raise your Relationship IQ - Free Masterclass)

🚨 Doors close tomorrow! 🚪 Don't miss out.
P.S. There will be a replay in case you miss it, but you have to be registered.