The Fourth Trimester Doula

12/09/2022

Still so much needs to be done to recognise the importance of postpartum support.

"They tell us how to grow a baby. What to eat.
What not to eat. What vitamins to take and what bras to buy. Allll the prenatal yoga moves to do.

But they forget to tell us how to put ourselves back together once that baby is born.
They forget to tell us how we might feel like we’re drifting.
Afloat. Alone. On a life raft with leaky breasts and sore stitches and a tiny little being dependent upon us for survival.
They forget to tell us how weird and wild it feels to have loose organs shifting about inside of us. How there will be so much softness still.

I get it. You don’t want to startle us. You don’t want us to be scared about what’s ahead.
But….a little heads up would be helpful
We’re brave enough for the truth.
And those things you find so scary- loose skin and leaky breasts and big feelings- we might just be bold enough to welcome them.
To see the beauty there.

So here’s the truth mama-
Your pelvic floor will probably need work and attention. You’ll have to put in some effort to regain that muscle strength, no matter how gentle your birth. Your breasts and belly will probably never be the same. Love them anyway. Love than more than before!! Celebrate them! Buy bras that make you feel sexy. Then move on.

Your identity and sense of self will change radically. Buckle up for the ride. You’ve got this. Your partnership and friendships and general relationship with the outside world might feel foreign for awhile. Or forever. Those relationships might crack and break under the weight of new parenthood. Live your truth. Leave the rest behind. In love.

The whole world might feel shaken up.
You’ll probably feel shaky and raw
That’s normal (they just forgot to tell you.)

You’re new here. In this skin. In this role. In this love. You’ll find your way. You’ll find your rhythm. It will all fall into place- with time.
Until then- breathe.
As deeply as you can.
Drink your tea before it gets cold.
If you can.
Rest -
whenever you can.
And love on your new self.
As deeply as you can."

❤️

31/08/2022

I think I was too exhausted to really soak in the newborn stage.
It almost seems unfair doesn’t it.
I’ll get flashes of smiles or fragments of conversations in the evenings, it still feels a bit wispy, I wonder if it will always be that way.
The feeling of only being half alive.
But I’m so alive, I’m right here, but I’m somewhere else too.
Somewhere with the mental load in the motherhood maze.

I think back to those days often, a toddler learning to walk & a newborn baby. The overwhelm and juggle of it.
My eyes that could leak at any moment.
The sheer state of me, a shadow in my mind, but wow did she shine.
As do all mothers, but newborn mothers have a soft strength to them, a loud stillness, a shy confidence.

I think back to the many moments I thought were for them, where I held them close and rocked in our chair, I see they were mine too.
That I needed them, my aching body pleaded for them.

I think back to the birth, the feeding, the little hands grabbing for me, someone always on me, my husband wanting a kiss when he got home and me not wanting anyone to touch me for a second, I smile because I get it, and yet my heart twists at the thought of them needing me less.

I think back to the purees, the bottles, the mess, the many things I mastered in the kitchen with one hand. How sometimes just getting out the door was the biggest achievement and how I had to make peace with that.

I think back to trying to explain to my husband how exhausted I was after a hard day, but never doing it justice, the words not quite fitting in my mouth, then smiling like it didn’t hurt.

I think back to the days that felt like remakes, but now I see they were all originals, especially to them. Their world expanding at a rapid rate, the most beautiful magic unfolding, did I see that? Did I miss it through the fog?

And I think back to the days I would say,
“I just can’t do this” when I was drowning.
But I was doing it.
Coming up for air, rebuilding and rising.
Maybe you’ll think back like me one day,
or maybe I can remind you now.
You’re doing this too.
No matter what that looks like.
You’re doing it.
Because that’s what mothers do.

✨

Jess Urlichs, Writer books available here: www.jessicaurlichs.com (this piece in the hardback of From One Mom to a Mother)
Art: O Trocatintas

31/08/2022

24/08/2022

A very useful resource to have.

Received this message today from my colleague .lykova
“Thank you Maya for a magic technique (Breast Gymnastics)
I had many clients that call me to schedule home visit for the next morning for engorgement or clogged ducts. I usually send them the link to your videos and tell them to do Breast Gymnastics till they see me. Some of them will cancel the visit the next day because by morning their problems have resolved»😄😍🤱
🤱🏿🤱🏻❤️
That made my day❤️❤️❤️

https://www.mayabolman.com/videos

14/08/2022

This ⬇️

19/07/2022

Look after yourself mamma!

Look after yourselves mamas!💚

Credit midwife_miranda

14/07/2022

WHO recommendations on maternal and newborn care for a positive postpartum experience

This guideline aims to improve the quality of essential, routine postnatal care for women and newborns with the ultimate goal of improving maternal and newborn health and well-being. A positive postnatal experience is defined as one in which women, newborns, partners, parents, caregivers and familie...

10/07/2022

By Aviva Romm

"Here's why you'll never hear me use the term "bounce back"👇

Having a baby is life-changing. It's not just the birth of a new little one, it's the birth of a new part of YOU - and with that comes some amazing 'shape shifting' and new super powers.

But It's not always an easy road, and we may need to shed some old skin along the way.

With pregnancy and birth, your body naturally changes, as does so much of your life. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed, exhausted and confused about mom life. And it's normal to carry some extra weight, for your belly to still have a pooch, and to have stretch marks.

Few people want to talk about these very real changes - and the very raw feelings that can accompany them - including feelings of loss that accompany body and life changes.

Instead we live in a culture where women feel pressured to 'bounce back' - a term historically used in the postpartum which I'm on a mission to change!

We don't just 'bounce back' to...
🔥 Our previous body shape
🔥 Our old routines
🔥 Our former social lives
🔥 Our awareness of only self
🔥 Our usual amount sleep

And more.

We transition into new routines, we come to love our powerful bodies , and you'll see that it's still you - but you've grown, shifted, stretched, and expanded in your capacity for wisdom, caring, creating.

So why is it our culture expects us to while hiding all physical evidence of going through the biggest shift of their life? We live in a patriarchy that values young, thin, Barbie-style women, and that devalues mothers' time to heal and be.

It's time to shift the narrative-postpartum isn't about the rush to 'bounce back.' It's a time to drink in rest, nesting, support, healing, self-care. And of course, a time to do YOU whatever that looks like - which could mean bringing your work or art into it.

It's not about:

⏰ Fitting back into your Size (___) jeans by a certain date - or ever
⏰ Getting back to work or your hard core exercise as fast as possible
⏰ Getting back into social activities before you're ready
⏰ Meeting social expectations of how fast you're "back in the world"

And each of us is different. So tune in mama, do YOU. And let's change the postpartum story together! If you find yourself in this space of overwhelm after baby, please join me in my support group for pregnant, birthing, and postpartum mamas. We're here to support you during this time ❤️.

What do you wish you had heard postpartum? What advice would you give other mothers to soothe their fear of not fitting society's expectations?"

Pregnancy care centre

07/07/2022

Nothing more to add...

Guidelines in Canada (specifically British Columbia), United Kingdom and Australia are updating their guidelines to teach parents how to bedshare and cosleep as safely as possible because it is a biologically normal behavior for baby-parent dyads. Our modern bedrooms are not built for infant sleep safety which is why we need to know these guidelines. Check my highlight “Safe Sleep” on Instagram for links to these sources. 💜🫶🧠🫶💜

04/07/2022

How many times a day do you take a sip of your drink? It’s likely that you don’t restrict your fluid intake based on the clock, but if you’re thirsty you simply... get a drink.

If you’re feeling disconnected, worried, or sad, you probably seek out connection. Often this might be a hug, but it can take many other forms.

It’s very unlikely that you restrict your fluid intake according to the clock. It’s also unlikely that you restrict your access to comfort and connection because it’s “only” an emotional need.

Babies are tiny. They are some of the most vulnerable members of our society. And yet, STILL in 2022 you don’t have to look far to come across the message that by X weeks or Y months old your baby “should” be going however long between feeds, or should be able to soothe themselves without reassurance and support from an adult. The same adults who freely sip from their water bottle or coffee cup, and who seek comfort from friends and family, or weighted blankets, food, exercise, or a massage etc when they need it.

Just think about that the next time someone tells you that your baby is “only” feeding for comfort, or they “can’t” be hungry again.

30/06/2022

So many mothers feel loss and grief at not being able to breastfeed. Good to see Amy Brown raise this very important issue.

I’m often asked why breastfeeding matters so much to many women. After all, isn’t it just simply a way of feeding a baby? Pick bottle or breast and get on with it ... the main thing is that the baby is fed, right?

But for many women it turns out that it doesn’t work like that. When they want to breastfeed and can’t, they’re left with a whole host of emotions from grief to regret to guilt through to anger. It feels like a loss. And we must talk more openly about that.

It’s important to stop and pause here to remember that supporting women who want to breastfeed and recognising the grief and even trauma that can bring when it doesn’t work, isn’t the same as saying all women should want to breastfeed, or that they should to be a ‘good mother’ or that their baby will be irrevocably harmed if they do not.

It’s simply about listening to women and their stories, hearing what they so desperately wanted and most of all responding with kindness. One woman’s wishes and desires are just that; her wishes and desires and not an attack on those who make different decisions.

Also, feeling grief at needing to stop breastfeeding is not the same thing as putting how you feel over your baby. It’s not an either / or situation.

You may be very relieved that your baby is able to have formula milk and not starve - but whilst formula milk might fix the pressing issue of feeding the baby it doesn’t always fix the mother and how she feels. You are allowed to feel more than one emotion at once and to grieve the loss even though your baby is ok.

https://welldoing.org/article/why-breastfeeding-grief-trauma-matter

27/06/2022

Safe bedsharing allows mum to get more sleep at night. Absolutely invaluable.

All parents must be taught what constitutes safe cosleeping, because the vast majority will bring their babies into their beds at some point.

11/06/2022

In this episode: Janet speaks with author Maggie Dent about her newest book, Mothering Our Boys, in which she focuses on the common misconceptions we hold about boys and how these perceptions can negatively inform our attitudes and expectations. Maggie is a prolific parenting author and educator who...