The Joy of Sunflowers

29/07/2024

Seek support; you could talk to your doctor, a counselor, or a life coach. You could go online and speak in spaces where people have experienced what you are going through. You could also talk to friends and family to let them know you are in need of support. If you're looking for an online community, you can join The Joy of Sunflowers Sisterhood Space, where I offer support and resources to help you through. Type SISTERHOOD below and I’ll send you the link.

28/07/2024

If you, like me, are experiencing a miscarriage, then you might be feeling silly like you shouldn't be crying so much because the child was never born; it never came into the world. I have been finding it even harder with all the talk of abortion and women's rights. It's confronting to see so many women advocate for the choice to kill their baby when I just unwillingly lost mine. It makes me angry. (Please note I'm not talking about the medically necessary abortions) How can these women be so ungrateful for the healthy miracle inside of them? While I love and have lost. Here is what secular society tells us about the unborn baby, it's just a clump of cells, a 'fetus,' and 'it wasn't even a real baby.' Some women believe this, while others are affected by it and wonder if they have experienced a real loss. Don’t let anyone diminish or dehumanize your child. Your loss is real. Know that every mother who has lost a child, who speaks about it, knows that loss, feels that loss. You are not alone. You are not crazy. Type SISTERHOOD in the comments to join The Joy of Sunflowers Sisterhood and be part of a community of women who lift each other up and acknowledge and validate your experiences.

26/07/2024

My husband didn't feel the loss of our babies, and so he felt at a loss for what to do when my emotional state seemed to get worse instead of better. He said most of the things you shouldn't say. After showing him an article, he realized how big a deal loss was and how it affected thousands of women around the world. He was very sorry and did his best from then on to support me through grief. He went out to the shops and returned with a little bag of goodies; I call this a care package; inside were fuzzy socks, chocolate, pudding, a card, and a mug with a rainbow design. For those who don't know the significance of the rainbow, let me explain: it symbolizes hope, a baby after the storm of grief. It is also God's promise. I teared up when I saw it, thinking he knew the meaning behind the design, but he didn't. He just thought it was a nice cup. This, of course, made the gift somewhat more powerful to me. He could have picked any mug, but he chose this one. I decided his decision was divinely led and that God meant for me to have this cup. Little did I know that the cup would get smashed months later while I was pregnant with my rainbow. I cried so much when it broke. But then a storm came, and there, where no one else in the area we lived could see it, was the biggest rainbow I had ever seen. It was so big it went over the property we lived on, and so I had hope. Then, months after that, my rainbow was in my arms. I'm not saying you have to get a rainbow mug, but understand that there is significance and comfort found in the things you choose to give to your loved one.
If you want to know some more ways to support your loved one. Comment GUIDE below and I'll send you the link.

25/07/2024

I wrote the following article while waiting to deliver and officially miscarry my first experience of pregnancy loss. As I have now come through to the other side of grief to healing, I felt I should share this with anyone who is in the depths of the valley, waiting and in need of strength, comfort, and peace. I pray that this serves you well my friend.
You can read the full article at heybeautifulmama.life/blog

23/07/2024

This idea might seem silly or crazy, holding a wake for a baby that was never born. But! The loss is real. You are grieving, and maybe your family is too. A wake or funeral is something we do to bring closure and give the one we lost a send-off. I think it feels strange because society tells us the unborn baby is 'a clump of cells' or 'a fetus'. The value of the unborn child is diminished to a word or phrase to dehumanize the baby. Try not to feel silly if this is something you want to do. Do what you need to do for your family. Acknowledge your loss. I had wanted to do this for my babies but when I mentioned it to extended family they were quick to dismiss the idea which left me feeling like I shouldn't, I was also concerned that no one would show up. If this is your fear, do it anyway. You don't have to do it for anyone else. Just do it for the people in your household even if its just you, your partner and your dog (or cat if your a cat person.)
I have a tone of ideas on my blog to help you honor and cherish your baby, head to heybeautifulmama.life/blog I also have a Guide you can send to loved ones who just don't get it. Comment Guide below and I'll send you a link.

22/07/2024

No matter what you go through, be it one or more of the above, you can be sure that you're not alone. This may not have been a club you ever expected or wanted to be a part of, but you are part of it nonetheless, and all of us are going through one stage or another in this journey through loss. If you are struggling or overwhelmed, do not suffer in silence; seek help, seek council, seek friendship. You truly are not alone. We are here. Join The Joy of Sunflowers Sisterhood Today by typing the word SISTERHOOD below and I’ll send you the link.

20/07/2024

It's important to note that you don't have to share, publish, or even keep any of these writings – they can simply be your outlet and a piece of writing for you (and possibly your family) in your time of grieving. There is a peace that comes from writing about an experience or event you have had on paper. Words can help us work through our pain, giving us a deeper understanding of our own thoughts, feelings, and reality. We don't always feel everything consciously: It can sometimes take this process of writing to surface hidden feelings. These hidden feelings can prohibit our ability to process and heal.
If you're looking for more support and healing comment SISTERHOOD below and I'll send you a link to The Joy of Sunflowers Sisterhood Community, a place to find support, hope and healing.

18/07/2024

There are many articles, books, and media about 'what to expect when you're expecting', but we are sorely lacking in the area of pregnancy loss and what to expect during that loss. So here I will attempt to outline a few of the things you may or may not experience as you move through this season of loss. You may have already had your miscarriage, or perhaps you are still in limbo, faithfully waiting to miscarry, but I am sure you can identify with at least one, if not all, of the headings and descriptions below. Before we dive in, note that I am not a doctor, and none of the advice I give should be used to replace medical advice. If you are concerned about any issues you are having, please consult your doctor.
You can read the rest of this article at heybeautifulmama.life/blog

18/07/2024

Why is she thinking these things? Not everyone gets a rainbow (a baby after pregnancy loss) Age isn't always a factor in infertility. This can feel like undermining or dismissing what your loved one has just been through. Validation of the loss is reported to be one of the most healing things a person can do when they have been through a pregnancy loss.
If you want to know more of what not to say and more importantly what to say and do, comment GUIDE below and I'll send you a link to get a copy of my 'How to Support Your Loved One Through Pregnancy Loss Guide'
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11/07/2024

They say that an artist's work is best when he or she is in turmoil. Hardship makes for great, thought-provoking art, but I try to look at it from the artist's perspective. Artistic expression gives way to healing and allows us to connect with others in a way that our words alone, in person, may not. Sometimes, we try to express how we feel, but without enough time to truly think, dwell, or understand what it is we are experiencing, we are unable to truly explain or show the extent and truth of the situation. There are five ways that I can think of to express, work through, and understand what it is we are experiencing when going through a miscarriage. Some of these ideas are comforting and healing, while others are acknowledging and expressing.
You can read the rest of this article at heybeautifulmama.life/blog

09/07/2024

01/12/2023

What do you think?

Does grief change you or reveal you?

I like the idea of it revealing to me now that I am through the pain of grief, but when I was in grief, I felt angry and resentful of who or what I had become. I felt like a fragment of a person. I felt broken. Then I started to pick up the pieces and jigsaw them back together, and I can honestly say I love who I am now.

Self-loathing was something I often did before loss and during. Feeling love and liking myself is new, and I didn't get here by accident.

What are your thoughts? Share them below...