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heart.of.mind_ Personal, honest and intimate accounts of emotional and mental well-being and struggles.

Two years ago, our Karachi was wrecked by one of the worst urban flooding the city had seen in years. Two years later, i...
29/08/2022

Two years ago, our Karachi was wrecked by one of the worst urban flooding the city had seen in years. Two years later, it’s our beloved country. The scale of devastation is of historic proportions and the time it will take to heal will be long. I am sitting on a mountain of big feelings and figuring out ways to best help. Please donate and keep hope alive.

I’ve been sitting with sadness since the flooding began. It’s weighing on me and sometimes I try to shake it away. The n...
28/08/2020

I’ve been sitting with sadness since the flooding began. It’s weighing on me and sometimes I try to shake it away. The need to shake it away comes from the part that tells me how grateful I need to be for not having gone through something tragic. But what this also does is it takes me away from my true emotions. Suddenly I feel my sadness putting on a mask of gratitude which pulls me away from feeling inside of this experience. I am affected by the collective loss we have all faced as a community. I was forgetting that it is okay to sit with another’s loss, another’s grief because that is what community is. It is beyond one’s own being. Wherever you may be, I wish you safety and well-being of body, mind, spirit.

Every time I read this quote, I want to applaud John Bowlby for succinctly defining the dynamics of relationships. Of co...
29/07/2020

Every time I read this quote, I want to applaud John Bowlby for succinctly defining the dynamics of relationships. Of course we are going to be needy if our needs are unmet. Of course our parents will turn to us if their needs are not satisfied. And of course we will continue to look elsewhere to fulfil our unmet needs if we do not address them through any medium of healing. Unmet needs form the foundation of how we go into the world and find ways to meet our needs.

In any therapeutic or transformative process, it is one of the most liberating experiences to rid oneself of the guilt a...
17/07/2020

In any therapeutic or transformative process, it is one of the most liberating experiences to rid oneself of the guilt and blame that was piled on to you for decades. You begin to see, that these old friends that keep visiting you, need to be shown their homes. Their home is not you. When you release yourself of the guilt and blame, you walk lighter and freer, confident in knowing that if they do pay you a visit again, you know you can show them their way back.

Most of my personal healing happened when I gave space to the pent up emotions inside. It was quite uncomfortable to see...
08/07/2020

Most of my personal healing happened when I gave space to the pent up emotions inside. It was quite uncomfortable to see big feelings come out but it was more disturbing to carry them with me all the time. The release was gradual and required patience but it happened. I was free.

I called the helpline today and it was fast, efficient and accessible. I wanted to understand the process that leads to ...
01/07/2020

I called the helpline today and it was fast, efficient and accessible. I wanted to understand the process that leads to getting help. You call on the helpline 1093, provide personal details to book an appointment with a mental health professional and someone will call you and provide Tele-counselling or psychiatric help. Given the dearth of mental health professionals in the country (close to 500 psychiatrists in all of Pakistan) this is an initiative that is in the right direction and definitely reduces some of the stigma attached with mental health. Pass on the number to everyone you know so more people can avail these services.

It takes so much of courage to change our lives. And yet, there is so much of bullying and judgment towards that step. I...
24/06/2020

It takes so much of courage to change our lives. And yet, there is so much of bullying and judgment towards that step. I would just take this moment to invite you all to ask yourself, “how many times did I judge someone when they turned out different than what they used to be?”

My husband, who is a therapist, shared this with me yesterday, and I don’t know what it was about this that just hit hom...
16/06/2020

My husband, who is a therapist, shared this with me yesterday, and I don’t know what it was about this that just hit home. It went somewhere in my heart and made me sad, angry, hopeful and confident. Hopeful and confident because as a parent I allow my children to express their anger. And this anger is not “bad manners,” as it can easily be labelled in many societies. It makes them feel heard and acknowledged. Over the years, I have made tremendous progress with my own anger because it was misplaced and many “innocents” got the brunt of it. It is such an empowering gift to be able to see your anger without a mask and without a facade. I hope you all can see your anger as is.

Some useful points to remember when we’re listening to someone.
14/06/2020

Some useful points to remember when we’re listening to someone.

This has been a challenging time with uncertainty and fear all around. A lot of us have found ourselves emotionally vuln...
14/06/2020

This has been a challenging time with uncertainty and fear all around. A lot of us have found ourselves emotionally vulnerable and raw. If you see someone going through a tough time, offer them a compassionate ear and tend to them with all your faculties present. We under-estimate the power of compassionate listening, in alleviating someone’s pain.

It gets easy to become punitive with those who cause suffering to us. In our state of suffering we can’t see that they n...
06/06/2020

It gets easy to become punitive with those who cause suffering to us. In our state of suffering we can’t see that they need as much help as we. But it takes immense courage to recognise to help the perpetrator despite our suffering.

As a society, we get faced with events that amount to unimaginable horrors against humanity. Recently, there have been f...
04/06/2020

As a society, we get faced with events that amount to unimaginable horrors against humanity. Recently, there have been far too many that have left an imprint on my mind and I question and debate with myself my own power as a citizen. I educate myself and start with my circle of influence and spread the information and knowledge I know. What part can you play? For now, please know that there is a child protection helpline. As our big contribution towards change, say no to child labor and call people out who break the law and employ children. No matter how noble the employer’s intentions, A CHILD IS NOT MEANT TO WORK!

Birthing during this time could be unique and challenging. Celebrations don’t look the same, hospital visits are scary, ...
04/06/2020

Birthing during this time could be unique and challenging. Celebrations don’t look the same, hospital visits are scary, there is extra pressure on women to do more, there could be possible financial/job insecurity and a host of other challenges. Recognising that these are unique circumstances is the stepping stone to fully understanding the extent of your struggles during this time. And, at the same time, fully see the resources that are available that could support you.

Some signs of being a Chosen Child. Can you identify with some/all of them?
03/06/2020

Some signs of being a Chosen Child. Can you identify with some/all of them?

Children are not responsible for their adult parents’ emotional well-being. Too often, too many times, we see this depen...
03/06/2020

Children are not responsible for their adult parents’ emotional well-being. Too often, too many times, we see this dependency on children to fill emotionally empty buckets. Without reconciling their own unmet needs, parents try to fulfil them through their children. Next post shows signs to identify if you’re a Chosen Child.

Many traumatised people find it hard to remember. It takes work and courage to be able to access the parts that the mind...
03/06/2020

Many traumatised people find it hard to remember. It takes work and courage to be able to access the parts that the mind chose to block or “forget,” as a mechanism to go on in the world. In most of my work, clients suffering from trauma say the same statement time and again, “I can’t remember.” And as true as Dr Bessel’s quote is, it is indeed courageous to remember. It is like facing our trauma head on.

So many times in our society, we get to hear statements such as, “look at all that you’ve got. You have no reason to be ...
03/06/2020

So many times in our society, we get to hear statements such as, “look at all that you’ve got. You have no reason to be ungrateful,” “stop complaining,” “you’re so much better off than so many out there,” “at least you don’t have to worry about that.” However, little do we realise that by reminding someone constantly of their “blessed life” can make the person feel unheard and dismissed. The message that they receive is, “my issues are not issues at all.” They learn to mask their true feelings with an amplified sense of gratitude that is numbing and diminishes connection with self. Trusted friends and family may reject their problems as non-problems which further alienates that person. Responses such as, “All’s well,” and “Allah ka shukar,” become standard practice without even connecting to a mountain of pain and hurt that’s under.

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