ASD, The Sea & Me

12/01/2025

Sometimes I lash out on social media...

Mainly in times of an overwhelming RSD feeling 😔

22/04/2024

Does anyone else develop new 'echos'?

One I've been repeating alot recently is "Yeah Bitch"! 😆

I mask in public, but if I did this out and about in the world, I swear people would think I have torrettes! 😬

20/03/2024

This week is Neurodiversity Celebration Week and today is International Day of Happiness.

I am autistic, which comes under the neurodivergent 'umbrella' and something I do as a late diagnosed autistic adult is 'mask'.

Most of you will see me with a smile on my face...
But very few of you, mainly my husband, will see my unmasked face... that can sometimes look 'grumpy', but I'm not grumpy or sad, I'm just unmasked...

Masking is a subconscious thing and something I've developed throughout my life to appear neurotypical.
I've read that Masking is a defense mechanism developed due to past trauma.
I believe my past trauma is from being picked on in high school for being different, and some of the comments I got from people was 'smile!'; I guess because I had my unmasked 'grumpy' face on?

30/12/2023

As a child, I remember feeling sad, crying and dreading school every Sunday evening...

A trigger for me was the antiques roadshow music, because when that music played, it meant I had an hour before bedtime and that was the end of the weekend and school the next morning 😔

30/12/2023

30/12/2023

That feeling that nobody likes you...

I understand this feeling amongst us autistics is often a perceived feeling due to past trauma we've experienced...

I've come to realise that my trauma stemmed from high school...
I was picked on for 'not talking', 'being shy/quiet' and people didn't interact with me because I was lacking in social communication skills.

I've recently learnt that 'masking' is a trauma response...
Looking back, I'd say my 'mask' (which I thought was self-confidence) started developing when I started a full time job.

Even now, I still feel that I'm not liked...
And this is based on social media interactions, as superficial as it is!
If I see a friend has liked/commented on a mutual friend's post and almost never reacts with any of my posts, my autistic brain sees this as rejection and I feel that I'm not liked...
It sounds so shallow but this is what I feel!

11/12/2023

"Everyone's a little..." >🤦‍♀️

10/10/2023

Charlotte, who has autism, mild cerebral palsy and bipolar disorder, is now a competitive parasurfer and volunteer for the Wave Project.

07/10/2023

If you are Autistic and like puzzle pieces (and I don't just mean you enjoy jigsaw puzzles, but as in you like being represented with the symbol of a puzzle piece due to being Autistic) then that is fair enough. But for me it feels infantilising, gross and straight up cringe. Use the gold or rainbow infinity symbol to represent me please. ♾

In the comments is a link to my slides on why I feel puzzle pieces are bad if you wanted more information.

Image description: a blue puzzle piece with text inside of it: "Do NOT represent me with a puzzle piece...I am NOT a puzzle, I am NOT missing something, and I am NOT waiting to be put together 'correctly'.

05/10/2023

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)...

I've never related to the PDA trait of autism, until a recent project I started...
Now, I'm not sure if this is PDA related but I've lost all interest in starting this particular project...

So, I was loaned a sander to smooth the splinters from this wooden box I had made for this project.
I didn't ask for this sander, and because it was loaned to me for this particular project, which I was going to start in my own time... I now feel all motivation gone to start this project, very much like a demand avoidance!

By giving me this tool for the project, my brain interprets this to be a hint to "make a start, NOW"! And so, I'm now avoiding continuing on this project...

I've made up the excuse that it'll be a 'winter project', just so the demand on me to start fades and so I can start it in my own time on my own terms!

05/10/2023

05/10/2023

Today I had my first Autism Workshop with Matthew's Hub via Zoom.

It's part of a 4 week course with a group of recently diagnosed autistic adults, helping us understand the beginning of our Autism discovery journey.

I shared how I was feeling, that I sometimes feel like an imposter, because my autistic traits are heavily masked around others (other than James) and most of them are internal struggles within my own head, and because they're not external / visible, I feel like a fraud when I say "I'm autistic".

Hearing the other's experience since being diagnosed and hearing from the course leaders that this feeling is perfectly normal...
Because we're all adults that have been diagnosed later in life, so we've learnt to cope or hide our quirks and awkwardness in social situations, and because of this we feel like frauds as we've got this far in life going under the radar 🙄

Since my diagnosis 7 months ago, I've joined various Facebook Autism groups where other's share their lived experiences, which has helped me come to terms with my diagnosis and understand that no autistic person is the same... we are all different but also share similar experiences at the same time ☺️