Dads through fatherhood (2025)

27/04/2023

Fatherhood is a journey that takes us through peaks and valleys alike. Each day brings new lessons, experiences, and joys that shape us into the dads we strive to be. From the gentle touch that soothes a crying newborn to the tough love that guides a teenager, a father's role is multifaceted and meaningful beyond words. There's no handbook for this job, but with patience, resilience, and love, we can navigate the challenges and enjoy the rewards. Here's to all the amazing dads out there, you are appreciated and loved! 👨‍👧‍👦❤️ "

25/04/2023

Top tip for getting more involved with breastfeeding!

There are so many pages on here that attempt to talk positively about men/birthing partners when it comes to their roles. One of the biggest things we have seen is about feeding! How the fathers job is to wash the bottles, tidy up etc etc….

What people don’t realise is, whilst this may be true, it’s also incredibly damaging! This idea still contributes to men/fathers/partners being optional extras.

So here’s our biggest top tip for getting more involved with breast feeding:

When your partner is feeding, ask if you can join in with the cuddle. What do we mean by this?
You would act as a support, much like the nursing pillow, you’d remove your top and also engage in skin to skin, with your partner and baby. You’ll find by doing this a few times a week will boost your oxytocin and will also improve your bonding with your partner and your new child.
Of course this is impractical all the time, so ensure you take time to plan together when you’ll do this and make it part of your routine!
You don’t have to miss out on such an incredible experience. So give it a go and let us know!

23/04/2023

It’s podcast day!!

This evening we attempt to record our first podcast episode!

We would also love some general ideas for podcasts below. So if you’d like to hear a specific topic, let us know :)

21/04/2023

Research has shown that children who grow up without consistent father involvement commit more crimes, become teenage parents more frequently and are unemployed more often than are children who grow up living with both of their biological parents full time. This is regardless of the parents’ race, educational backgrounds, whether they were married at the time of their children’s births or if a parent remarries. According to the research, children growing up without father involvement were also found to perform more poorly in school, use drugs more frequently and have other social problems even when controlling for generally lower income.

Between the 1970s and 2000, the percentage of children living with a single parent grew from 12 to20 percent. In 2002, 69% of children younger than 18 lived with both biological parents, whereas 23 percent lived with their mother and 5 percent lived with their father. Fifty to 60 percent of children born in the 1980s and 1990s lived with only one parent for at least a year before reaching age 18.

These statistics help to illustrate the lack of attachment that many children have with their fathers. An attachment is characterized by intense feelings of intimacy, emotional security and physical safety in association with an attachment figure. Attachments are significant throughout one’s life, and they can vary over time. When established in early childhood, attachments can continue, but new ones can also be formed during later childhood or in adulthood, and current attachments can be reinterpreted with new perspective and conditions. The goal of attachment is to have a secure relationship with several caregivers to improve normal social and emotional development.

21/04/2023

Attachment part 1

Viewing dads as attachment figures!!

Please read... this is probably one of the most important things dads should know and be educated on, yet no one ever talks about it. If I was to run any form of pre/post/natal class for dads, this is one of the first thing I’d drill into your heads!!!!

The role of fatherhood has changed over the years. Hundreds of years ago, the father was the most important parent for raising the children (according to some sources) then he became the breadwinner, and today an expansive volume of research details a general lack of involvement by fathers in their children’s lives.

Plenty of fathers want to be a part of their children’s lives and do whatever they can to stay involved. However, many fathers encounter barriers created by myths that limit, or in some cases prevent, their ability to engage with their children.

Many people may believe some common myths about fathers. These myths include:

-Fathers are not interested in being involved.
-Fathers do not have the capability to be involved.
-Fathers are harmful if they are involved.
-There is little to no effect if a father is not involved (or, relatedly, the hassle of dealing with the father is worse than any negative effects that his lack of involvement might have on children).

In reality, both fathers and mothers are important, and not just as a means of feeding, bathing and sheltering their children. Their importance extends beyond meeting the family’s physical and safety needs.

All of us likely know someone who has either grown up with a single parent or been a single parent, or perhaps we fall into one of those categories ourselves. A faulty assumption that people often make is that married fathers are always present, whereas divorced fathers (or unmarried fathers) are always absent. This assumption is based on the faulty idea that a father is only involved if he is present in the home and that when a man doesn’t live with his child, the father then becomes disinterested.

20/04/2023

* … work hard
* … please others
* … not cry
* … not get angry
* … not show any weakness
* … be quiet
* … do as I am told.
All these reflect “conditions of worth”.

They put pressure on us to behave in particular ways, even when they are contrary to how we feel.

Based on the idea of conditional love, conditions of worth are the messages we take on board about what we have to do to be valued by other people. They are based on introjected values – that is, the values that we adopt from those around us, to enable us to gain their approval. Conditions of worth can be very subtle – and so extremely powerful, as they may not be obvious to us.

19/04/2023

Uninvolved Parenting
Do any of these statements sound familiar?

You don't ask your child about school or homework.
You rarely know where your child is or who they are with.
You don't spend much time with your child.
If those statements sound familiar, you might be an uninvolved parent. Uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing. There tend to be few rules in the household. Children may not receive much guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.

Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don't devote much time or energy into meeting children's basic needs. Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it's not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child's physical or emotional needs on a consistent basis.5

At other times, uninvolved parents lack knowledge about child development—or they may believe that their child will do better without their oversight. And sometimes, they're simply overwhelmed with other problems, like work, paying bills, and managing a household.

18/04/2023

Permissive Parenting
Do any of these statements sound like you?

You set rules but rarely enforce them.
You don't give out consequences very often.
You think your child will learn best with little interference from you.
If those statements sound familiar, you might be a permissive parent. Permissive parents are lenient. They often only step in when there's a serious problem.

They're quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of "kids will be kids." When they do use consequences, they may not make those consequences stick. They might give privileges back if a child begs or they may allow a child to get out of time-out early if they promise to be good.

Permissive parents usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role. They often encourage their children to talk with them about their problems, but they usually don't put much effort into discouraging poor choices or “bad” behaviour.

18/04/2023

What would you say to a new, first time dad?

Parenting can be tough, it can be the most scary thought! Thinking what, how, when!

So what would be the ONE THING you would say to a first time dad to help them?

17/04/2023

Authoritative Parenting
Do any of these statements sound like you?

You put a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with your child.
You explain the reasons behind your rules.
You set limits, enforce rules, and give consequences, but take your child's feelings into consideration.
If those statements sound familiar, you may be an authoritative parent. Authoritative parents have rules and they use consequences, but they also take their children's opinions into account. They validate their children's feelings, while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge. This is the approach backed by research and experts as the most developmentally healthy and effective parenting style.

Researchers have found kids who have authoritative parents are most likely to become responsible adults who feel comfortable self-advocating and expressing their opinions and feelings.

Children raised with authoritative discipline tend to be happy and successful. They're also more likely to be good at making sound decisions and evaluating safety risks on their own.

17/04/2023

Self-criticism, or the act of pointing out your own perceived flaws, can be a healthy way to increase self-awareness and achieve personal growth, but it may also prove a barrier to one’s self esteem and peace of mind.
A high level of self-criticism that prevents individuals from taking risks, asserting opinions, or believing in their own abilities may be unhelpful or detrimental to well-being. Those experiencing these effects may wish to address the reasons behind excessively self critical tendencies with a therapist. Which is what I did today!
We discussed Internalized self-criticism, this involves the feeling that i cannot possibly live up to personal ideals or standards or the belief that I'm deficient in some way. Thus, even success may be viewed as failure.

Excessively self-critical thoughts may often have their roots in negative experiences with caregivers in childhood. Studies on relationships and the attachments formed between parents and other primary caregivers.

excessive self-criticism may contribute to mental health concerns, such as depression, social anxiety, body image issues, or feelings of worthlessness. A tendency to blame oneself when things go wrong may lead to feelings of failure, lowness, or a depressed mood. Individuals who are highly self-critical may also feel guilty or ashamed when something goes wrong, believing the fault lies with them

So how do I help some clients with this......

Self-compassion is the ability to turn understanding, acceptance, and love inward.

Mindfulness also serves as another effective method of combating self-criticism. Mindfulness, which refers to a non-judgmental awareness of one’s thoughts and feelings, has been linked to enhanced self-esteem

16/04/2023

Authoritarian Parenting

Do any of these statements sound like you?

You believe kids should be seen and not heard.
When it comes to rules, you believe it's "my way or the highway."
You don't take your child's feelings into consideration too much.

If any of those ring true, you might be an authoritarian parent. Authoritarian parents believe kids should follow the rules without exception.

Authoritarian parents are famous for saying, "Because I said so," when a child questions the reasons behind a rule. They are not interested in negotiating and their focus is on obedience. They also don't allow kids to get involved in problem-solving challenges or obstacles. Instead, they make the rules and enforce the consequences with little regard for a child's opinion.

Children of authoritarian parents are at a higher risk of developing self-esteem problems because their opinions aren't valued.

16/04/2023

1 in 10 dads will experience symptoms of post natal depression, and this number is raised if they are first time parents
-it can easily go undiagnosed
-men have hormone changes too, this is innate and helps men to develop that more Paternal side.
-if your partner is experiencing symptoms of post natal depression/anxiety, then research suggests that 24-50% of dads will be too.
-Other factors that make postnatal depression in men more likely include: sleeping or crying issues with the baby; drug abuse or dependence; and feeling unsupported by their partners.
-Postnatal depression in dads can affect their relationship with the baby’s mother. It can also affect the relationship they have with their child. They may play and engage less with their children and talk more negatively about and to them. They may sing and read less to their children, and may discipline them more harshly.

Post natal depression in men can show its self in different ways.... here are just a few...

* fear, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty about the future
* withdrawal from family life, work and social situations
* indecisiveness
* frustration, irritability, cynicism and anger
* marital conflict
* partner violence
* negative parenting behaviours
* alcohol and drug use
* insomnia
* physical symptoms like indigestion, changes in appetite and weight, diarrhoea, constipation, headaches, and nausea. (All symptoms of anxiety)

***de

15/04/2023

It’s no secret that trauma is a global issue. According to a study done by the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 70% of people will experience a traumatic event at some point in life. Other research shows that more than half of the population will suffer some form of trauma in their lifetime. A less-talked-about, but potentially very damaging, form of trauma is known as intergenerational trauma (also called generational trauma or transgenerational trauma).

In short, generational trauma is psychological damage caused by exposure to traumatic events experienced by previous generations in a family or community.

Generational trauma is the transference of traumatic experiences or stressors from one generation to the next. One of many types of trauma, it can happen through direct experience, witnessing violence, or living in an environment where violence is a constant threat.

It can also be as simple as saying “the wrong thing” or calling your children names, in what seems like a playful event can hugely impact they way your child will feel about themselves.

15/04/2023

Welcome everyone!
Please introduce yourself, kick your feet up and make yourself at home!

We hope that this group will provide a safe space for you to be able to talk about those parenting struggles, your thoughts and feelings.

This is a new chapter and an exciting time for us at dads through fatherhood.

So please accept our welcome and stay tuned for new things coming in the next few weeks.

Dads through fatherhood

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