05/03/2024
Sometimes 3 years feels like such a long time and sometimes such a short time. So much has changed for Dylan May, Ethan May and myself over the past 3 years. For one they have changed and grown so much. They are handsome, smart and kind. When we said goodbye to Derek May 3 years ago today it was truly the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. When we said our goodbyes Derek told me to move forward and enjoy life to not let losing him consume and destroy me. We had so many personal conversations about the future for the boys and myself and what he hoped and prayed for. No matter how prepared you think you might be when they truly leave your life with no way to touch or talk to them again you aren’t prepared, nothing prepares you fully. When they aren’t there to turn to for help raising our children or there to make you laugh or give you a hug when you need them to the most you feel lost. You hit a split in your path after they are gone. That’s when you decide move forward and live a life being happy and finding the good still left knowing that’s what they would want, or you choose to dwell on the past and what should have been being mostly sad knowing that would probably break there heart. Now 3 years later I have found good and happiness in so many ways. The boys and I will always carry Derek and memories of him in our hearts and love him forever. He was such a strong, smart, kind, and loving person. I will cherish knowing I got the honor to be his wife and carry and raise our children. Hopefully making him proud along the way. I can say without doubt what he wished for us is happening. We are happy that doesn’t mean we don’t still miss him. Doesn’t mean the question of why doesn’t slip into our minds sometimes. I think he would be happy to see that we have found the rest of our family with a family who understands what we are going through. Our family now is bigger and sometimes so chaotic but we have more love than I ever thought possible 3 years ago. I would like to think Derek had a hand in mine and the boys life now. I would like to think he is smiling because we choose everyday to find the good and embrace life now and all it has to offer. If you read this far and you have a favorite memory of Derek and want to share it in the comments we would love to read them. ❤️
