Parenting & Autism - Our Stories

14/09/2025

How do you deal with sadness?
– I take pills.
And you?
– I feel it.

I’ve always tried to sit with my emotional weight, whatever shape it took. Sometimes, through music, films, writing, or simply listening to my body and going for a walk, my body would ask me to pause, sit with it, and feel.
It made me present. If didn't it would turn into panic attacks or anger.

I love the analogy from this video: we should treat our emotional weight like it’s a child.
A child needs attention, so pay attention.
It needs care, so give it care.
It needs to be heard, so listen.
Because even emotional weight softens when it feels seen.

My biggest struggle is sharing it with someone else. Being vulnerable often comes with rejection or judgment, which brings shame and self-doubt and slowly chips away at self-esteem. So, I avoid it.

I'm comfortable here, sitting with it alone and listening.

Thanks for sticking around and listening to my verbal spaghetti!

With love and gratitude - C 💙

13/09/2025

3 A.M. Blues

Tonight was both funny and not so funny. It's the end of the week, everyone’s running empty. The boys are exhausted, I’m exhausted, the kind of exhaustion where your body screams for rest but your mind refuses to switch off, so your body follows.

Gabriel sometimes struggles at night to settle. He’s either hyped up from the day or wound up about what’s coming next. Yesterday was one of those nights. He was loud and restless, pretending not to hear me and honestly being all-around funny too. I love that side of him, but when it’s late and you’re tired, it can feel… a lot. When I finally got him into bed, his mind was on overdrive. He rocked back and forth so hard I worried he might hurt his neck.

So I dragged a mattress to sleep next to him, helped him settle, held his hand, and stroked his back. He loves this, he could happily have his back or belly stroked for hours. It worked for him; he drifted off peacefully around midnight. Me, on the other hand? Not so lucky. My body was wrecked, my brain wouldn’t shut up, and honestly, I could have used someone stroking my belly too.

I tried breathing exercises and meditation, you name it. Nothing worked. In the end, I just surrendered, staring at the ceiling and trying to “select” my thoughts until they eventually softened on their own. I finally fell asleep around 3 a.m., only to wake up again at 6 and write about this.

On a good note, I’ve been teaching my boys to “select their thoughts” when they get stuck in worry mode. And they’re really giving it a go, which makes me so proud. One thing I’ll say about my boys is that they get it. They know these simple practices we teach are there to help them, and they are willing to try. 💛

By the way this animated photo is so real! It's a replica of what I took last night and it looks just like us 😅 Love it ☺️

Thanks for sticking around and listening to my verbal spaghetti!

With love and gratitude - C 💙

07/09/2025

The Vulnerability of Undiagnosed Autistic & ADHD Girls.

The reason I speak of young girls is that, more often than boys, they go undiagnosed. Their neurodivergence presents differently. It will often go unnoticed or be perceived as being dramatic, oversensitive, or shy. From an early age, they learn to mask to hide their differences by copying others and blending in. This makes them appear as though they’re managing, but it leaves them exhausted, confused, and disconnected from their true selves.

Because the social world can feel confusing and unpredictable, many young girls rely on mirroring others to navigate it. This creates a fragile sense of identity built on others’ expectations rather than their own. It makes them more likely to become people-pleasers, eager to fit in and avoid rejection at any cost.

This vulnerability exposes them to risks that can be life-altering. They may not recognise manipulation or abuse and can be easily targeted, as they struggle to see when boundaries are being crossed. Leaving them vulnerable to pressure, harm, and abuse.

They often struggle to identify their own needs because those needs are usually blurred by what others reflect -their needs become her needs. They rehearse every interaction in their head, dissect every conversation afterwards, and still feel like they’re always trying to catch up. In the process, they miss cues, lose track of emotions, and carry an overwhelming sense of detachment.

Over time, they also carry shame and pain that they cannot name or understand. This burden follows them into adulthood, where it often manifests as depression, anxiety, and other mental health struggles. What began as masking to survive becomes a lifelong battle with self-worth, boundaries, and identity.

Their struggles are too often misunderstood, dismissed, or punished instead of recognised as cries for help. Their coping is mistaken for resilience. Their invisibility is mistaken for strength. And their vulnerability is left unprotected.

They feel like a shadow of themselves, and they can’t explain why.
Emotions feel heavy and confusing, and they don’t know why.
They keep walls up, guarding themselves without even realising it.
Every day feels like walking on high alert, never truly able to relax.
They push people away, yet desperately want connection.
They defend, over-explain, and seek validation, but the isolation never shifts.

They feel shame.

Recognising these patterns matters. Early understanding, diagnosis, and safe spaces provide these girls with the opportunity to grow into adults who know their worth, set boundaries, and ultimately feel seen and empowered.

With love and gratitude - C 💙

17/08/2025

It Was Always Here

It didn’t begin with motherhood. The overwhelm, the overstimulation, the anxiety… they’ve been part of me for as long as I can remember.

Growing up, my brain never switched off. I’d replay things I said, overthink how I looked, or wonder if I’d done something wrong. Quiet never felt calm; it just gave my thoughts more space to run wild. I probably looked fine, or maybe not - It was just my perception, but inside it was exhausting. I probably came across as a bit awkward or intense, but really, I was feeling and thinking everything, all at once.

Then I became a mum.

And suddenly the noise on the outside matched the noise on the inside. Life got louder, faster, more relentless. There was no pause button. I was needed all the time. The overstimulation, the constant decisions, the pressure to hold it all together… it made the weight I already carried feel heavier.

I love my children with everything I have. They are my whole world. But that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Some days, it feels like I’m trying to juggle while balancing on one foot with someone shouting questions at me about what’s for dinner, while listening to a loud, heavy metal song!

I’m still that same girl with the restless mind, trying to understand the world around me, chasing calm.

And to add a side note,
Saying this out loud feels strange. I’m not great at being vulnerable. I often find myself talking or writing and thinking, “What on earth am I saying?” I have a talent for rambling that could probably earn me a medal. That’s why I created this page, it’s like my personal therapy, but cheaper and without the couch! Writing helps me untangle the chaotic mess in my brain, and I think it’s the main reason I haven’t been carted off to a padded room yet! 😅

Thanks for sticking around and listening to my verbal spaghetti!

With love and gratitude - C 💙

17/08/2025

Understanding Gabriel’s Health Anxiety

For Gabriel, health anxiety shows up in very real ways that affect how he feels and responds day to day.

Heightened awareness of his body
Gabriel notices every small change, such as a headache, feeling tired, or a racing heart, and his brain can quickly interpret it as something serious.

Looking for reassurance
He may ask if he’s okay or wants a check-up, even when nothing is wrong. It’s his way of trying to feel safe.

Struggling to believe the reassurance
Even if he’s told “You’re fine,” the worry often lingers or comes back again. - I try not to be dismissive and do my best to give him clear answers to why he is fine.

Avoidance or constant checking
Sometimes he avoids activities in case they cause harm, also avoids telling us he's unwell, or he might check his body repeatedly for signs of illness.

Escalating thoughts
A small symptom can quickly spiral into a frightening thought, such as “This headache means that he is going to die.”

Emotional distress
The anxiety itself can cause physical symptoms like a fast heartbeat or nausea, which then convinces him even more that something must be wrong.

Because Gabriel is neurodivergent, this anxiety can feel more intense and harder for him to manage. He thrives on routine and predictability, so when something feels uncertain, especially around health, it can quickly become overwhelming.

It’s important to know that this isn’t him being dramatic or overreacting. His brain is wired to notice potential threats and hold onto them until he feels fully safe again, and that can take time. With patience, clear explanations, and steady reassurance, he can work through the worry and feel secure.

Do you deal with something similar in your family? How do you help your child feel safe when they’re anxious about their health?

With love and gratitude - C 💙

15/08/2025

15/08/2025

When Our Kids Keep Quiet

With my boys, I don’t always know they’re unwell right away. Sometimes the first sign isn’t a symptom at all, it’s the moment their worry spills over into panic.

My kids have health anxiety. They won’t always tell me when they feel unwell or even when they get hurt. It can be worrying, as you can imagine. Especially with Gabriel, not because he’s trying to be “brave” or difficult, but because for him, talking about it can make it feel bigger and scarier.

Sometimes he’s afraid I’ll take him to the doctor straight away. Sometimes he doesn’t have the words in the moment. Other times he hopes it will go away if he doesn’t say it out loud. And occasionally I think he simply doesn’t understand exactly what he’s feeling.
,
By the time I realise something’s wrong, that small worry may have quietly grown into full panic. That’s when I see the racing heart, the tears, and the “what if something bad happens?” look in his eyes.

We’re lucky that the boys are good at letting us take care of them. They listen, they try the things we suggest, and they’ll do what we ask to help them feel better. Gabriel is brilliant at using his breathing exercises, trying what we suggest, and letting us guide him back to calm.

What helps them most is being given clear, straightforward answers to their worries and questions. My job in those moments is to guide them through every step, explain what they’re feeling, and reassure them along the way. And if I don’t know the answer, we look it up together. Knowing we’re figuring it out side by side helps them feel safer.

I’m learning that it’s not just about easing the symptom, it’s about easing the fear behind it. When we meet their worry, clarity gives them a sense of safety they can carry with them. 💛

Do you deal with something similar in your family? How do you help your child feel safe when they’re anxious about their health?

With love and gratitude - C 💙

02/08/2025

🌀 PDA and autism: When Demands Trigger Anxiety

PDA stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance, but honestly, that name doesn’t do it justice. It’s not about being stubborn or defiant. It’s about anxiety and control.

Those on the spectrum who also have a PDA profile often, have an extreme need to avoid everyday demands, not because they won’t, but because they can’t. Even simple things like “get dressed,” “come to the table,” or “put your shoes on” can trigger a stress response. The more pressure they feel, the more their brain says, nope.

It’s not about oppositional behaviour. It’s about feeling overwhelmed and needing to stay in control to feel safe.

I realised this when I noticed how some demands would send my boys into panic mode or a complete shutdown. Sometimes, they’ll laugh, get silly, freeze, lash out, pretend they didn’t hear or shut down. From the outside, it might look like they’re just messing around, but inside, their nervous system is on high alert.

PDA brains are super sensitive to demands, especially ones they must do. Even if it’s something they actually want to do, the second it feels like a “must,” it can become too much.

So what helps? Flexibility. Low-demand approaches. Giving choices. Making it feel like a game or an invitation instead of a command. And above all, understanding that they’re not being “difficult.” They’re trying to cope.

If this sounds familiar, look into PDA. Learning about it has helped us immensely.

With love and gratitude - C 💙

02/08/2025

🧠 Monotropic Thinking: Understanding Autistic Attention and Routines.

Monotropic is a term often used to describe how autistic people experience attention and focus.

It means the brain prefers to focus deeply on one thing at a time and finds it hard or stressful to shift between tasks. Interruptions can feel overwhelming. Multitasking? Forget it. But give them space to dive into what they love, and they shine.

This hit home immediately for me because it’s exactly how Isaac and Gabriel are.

The boys can spend hours completely immersed in their cars or video games, calm, happy, and settled. But if they’re asked to stop suddenly or change plans, even in small ways, it can cause real distress. They’re not being difficult or dramatic. Their brains just aren’t wired for sudden shifts.

Their monotropic minds mean they hyperfocus on what matters to them. They thrive on routine and struggle with switching gears. It’s not a behavioural issue; it’s simply how they experience and engage with the world.

That’s why they need warning, preparation, and a sense of control over how change happens

And for me, that’s been a huge mindset shift.

It means I can't pull them in several directions at once. I need to meet them where they are, not where I think they should be. It reminds me to slow down, offer gentle transitions, and respect their focus, even if it’s Minecraft or lining up cars for the fifth hour straight 😅 Sometimes, even being gentle and mindful with transitions can still create stress.

Of course, life is messy and unpredictable. It’s not always easy. We make mistakes. Sometimes we’re tired, overwhelmed, running late, or just struggling ourselves, and it’s hard. But knowing why they react the way they do helps us do better the next time.

If you’re parenting or working with neurodivergent kids or just trying to understand someone a little better, look up monotropism.

With love - C

💙

30/07/2025

Holidays - Vacations: The Things We Don’t Always See

We usually avoid holidays away, even though we always try to plan something small. We tend to stay close to home, as long journeys can be overwhelming for Gabriel and Isaac, flying is also stressful for them and for us as a family.

That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy parts of it. They absolutely love arriving at holiday homes; the excitement of a new space to explore feels like an adventure. But once we’re there, they often prefer to stay indoors. They don’t want to go out or do activities, and we try not to build up too many expectations (although secretly we do). There are so many things that affect their ability to manage the day; transitions are especially hard, and we have to consider their sensory needs, restricted diets, and how easily they can become overwhelmed. They also struggle to express their feelings, sometimes because they don’t even understand them themselves.

Last weekend, we took a short 3-day break just 30 minutes from home. The holiday home was lovely, right in front of the beach. The boys were excited about going to the house, but not at all interested in doing activities, which I knew would be our challenge.

We planned a trip to the beach, and although they didn’t want to go, we agreed to at least try. We told them we’d leave if they felt uncomfortable. When we arrived, the environment wasn’t ideal; it was crowded, windy, and very bright. We encouraged them to give it a go, but they found it hard. The sand, the people, the sun, the wind, it was too much.

At one point, we suggested moving to a quieter part of the beach. To get there, we had to cross a small stream, and we offered to carry them over. It was in that moment that I realised they were feeling something I never knew they carried. Gabriel spoke in a quiet voice, making sure no one else could hear: “The beach is too public,” he said. “They’ll see me being carried.”

For the first time, I saw that my son felt embarrassed about needing help with his limitations. He didn’t want to be seen as different. While other children were jumping, running, and crossing the water with ease, he couldn’t. And he felt ashamed of that.

My heart broke.

I told him I understood and asked if they wanted to go home. They said yes. I thanked them for trying.

The boys often say they feel shy in certain situations, but this was the first time one of them expressed embarrassment about not being able to do something independently. From now on, I’ll be more mindful of how these situations might affect them emotionally.

We always talk about how it's okay to find some things hard, that people are built differently and being different doesn't mean being less. But when we send them out into the world, the truth is, they feel it. They notice what they can’t do. And I’m sure, in their own way, they feel less.

Later that day, we took them to a dinosaur museum. It was noisy, and they struggled at first, but they pushed through. They did the whole tour and even had a great time.

I’m so proud of them. They are resilient boys.

With love and gratitude - C

ParentingAndAutism

18/07/2025

Special day!

My boy Gabriel has won the Special Recognition Award this year, an award given to just one student annually to acknowledge their outstanding achievements.

My emotional response to this came with a delay. I think I was overwhelmed. I still can’t quite process what this means for him… and our family.

Gabriel has struggled with many things throughout his young life, but has also accomplished so much. His journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s been filled with courage, determination, and the kind of quiet strength that often goes unseen, until a moment like this.

This school has been such a bright light in my children’s lives. Even when things are hard, even when I, as a parent, have moments of doubt or resistance, they stay steady.
They keep gently encouraging them, pushing them just enough, and helping them try… and then try again.
They see their potential even when they can’t yet see it themselves. And they celebrate the small achievements, because they know that in reality, they are huge achievements.

If any parent is struggling with the decision to send their amazing, unique child to a special needs school, don’t struggle. Just do it. It will be the best decision you’ll ever make for your child. It certainly was for us.

This award isn’t just a piece of paper. It’s a reminder that every single step forward matters. All the days filled with uncertainty, advocacy, exhaustion, and joy have led to something extraordinary.

It’s not just a celebration of what he’s done, it’s a celebration of who he is.

To see him recognised in this way… It’s everything. It’s hope. It’s pride. It’s joy. And most of all, it’s proof that our children can shine so brightly when they are truly seen, supported, and celebrated.

To the incredible teachers, staff, and peers who have believed in Gabriel, thank you. You’ve helped him believe in himself.

I’m just so proud. So, so proud. 💙

With love and gratitude - C

ParentingAndAutism

23/06/2025

🌱 When Independence Takes Time

My boys are now 10 years old. Working on independence with Isaac and Gabriel has undoubtedly been the most challenging aspect of parenting.

Not because they’re not capable.
Not because they don’t want to learn.
But because life around them doesn’t always move at their pace.
We’ve had to learn to slow down, let go, and trust them to try when they’re ready.

However, days turned into months, months into years and doing things for them became routine. It became their normal.

Building independence isn’t just about brushing teeth 🪥 or tying shoes 👟.

It’s about:
💥 Regulating emotions when everything feels too much
🧠 Remembering steps when executive function goes fuzzy
😰 Coping with anxiety when something new feels terrifying
💔 Letting them try - and fail - and having meltdowns

Sometimes, independence looks like:
🪮 Brushing their hair
👕 Getting dressed without a meltdown
🔁 Just the willingness to try again tomorrow

I’ve tried and failed more times than I can count.
I’ve tried and walked away, worn down.
But this time… I’ve decided to keep going, one small change at a time. 🌟

This week, that step is as simple as 💧 drinking water independently.
It sounds small, but it’s huge.

They’re resisting.
Hard.
But I’m standing my ground, even through their frustration.

Behind that resistance is more than just “refusal.”
It’s:
🧩 Pathological Demand Avoidance
⚙️ Dyspraxia
😟 Anxiety
🔄 Fear of change

These play a huge role in how they process instructions, navigate routines, and move through the world.
To someone else, it might look like defiance.
But we know better - fear, overwhelm, and discomfort wrapped inside a developing nervous system doing its best. 💛

And still, I push
💗 Gently
🤲 Lovingly
💪 Firmly

I remind myself:
✨ It’s not about perfection.
It’s about progress.
Tiny moments of change.
One small win at a time.

I’m proud of them.
And I’m proud of myself, too.

We’re growing together - slowly.
But always forward. 🚶‍♀️👬🌿

With love and gratitude - C
ParentingAndAutism

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