Parenting & Autism - Our Stories

23/06/2025

🌱 When Independence Takes Time

My boys are now 10 years old. Working on independence with Isaac and Gabriel has undoubtedly been the most challenging aspect of parenting.

Not because they’re not capable.
Not because they don’t want to learn.
But because life around them doesn’t always move at their pace.
We’ve had to learn to slow down, let go, and trust them to try when they’re ready.

However, days turned into months, months into years and doing things for them became routine. It became their normal.

Building independence isn’t just about brushing teeth 🪥 or tying shoes 👟.

It’s about:
💥 Regulating emotions when everything feels too much
🧠 Remembering steps when executive function goes fuzzy
😰 Coping with anxiety when something new feels terrifying
💔 Letting them try - and fail - and having meltdowns

Sometimes, independence looks like:
🪮 Brushing their hair
👕 Getting dressed without a meltdown
🔁 Just the willingness to try again tomorrow

I’ve tried and failed more times than I can count.
I’ve tried and walked away, worn down.
But this time… I’ve decided to keep going, one small change at a time. 🌟

This week, that step is as simple as 💧 drinking water independently.
It sounds small, but it’s huge.

They’re resisting.
Hard.
But I’m standing my ground, even through their frustration.

Behind that resistance is more than just “refusal.”
It’s:
🧩 Pathological Demand Avoidance
⚙️ Dyspraxia
😟 Anxiety
🔄 Fear of change

These play a huge role in how they process instructions, navigate routines, and move through the world.
To someone else, it might look like defiance.
But we know better - fear, overwhelm, and discomfort wrapped inside a developing nervous system doing its best. 💛

And still, I push
💗 Gently
🤲 Lovingly
💪 Firmly

I remind myself:
✨ It’s not about perfection.
It’s about progress.
Tiny moments of change.
One small win at a time.

I’m proud of them.
And I’m proud of myself, too.

We’re growing together - slowly.
But always forward. 🚶‍♀️👬🌿

With love and gratitude - C
ParentingAndAutism

Welcome Parenting & Autism - Our Stories

22/06/2025

Softness Is Strength, Too.

I'm often told that I'm the reason my autistic children are stuck - that I’ve held them back.
That I’m overprotective. Overbearing. That I coddle them too much.

I’ve been told my anxiety made their disabilities worse. That I project my fears onto them.
That I’ve enabled them. That I’ve kept them from growing.

And maybe… some of that has felt true at times.
Because yes - I’ve been a lazy parent on some days.
I’ve been overwhelmed.
I’ve been overworked.
I’ve been exhausted.
I’ve given up.
I’ve let screens do the parenting.
I’ve cried behind locked doors.
I haven’t always had the energy to “try my best.”

And yet, here I am, trying to explain and justify the reasons why.
Although I’m not a single parent - it felt like I was, for most of it.
The weight of it all, the decisions, the emotional labour, the day-to-day - it’s sat on my shoulders.

I’m not perfect.
I take responsibility for my shortcomings.
All I can do is recognise them, learn from them, and try to do better. - What I don't need are reminders and judgements of my failures.

Because through it all - I’ve never stopped fighting for them.
Fiercely. Fully. Messily. Honestly.

My boys are my entire world.
They are not broken.
They are not stuck.
They are not a reflection of failure - they are living, growing reminders that love doesn’t have to look perfect to be powerful.

So no, I won’t apologise for being their safe space.
Because if the world keeps telling them they’re “too much” or “not enough” - then someone has to remind them that they are just right.

And that someone… is me.

Thank you for reading

With love and gratitude - C

22/06/2025

“Please Don’t Fix Me — See Me”

When an autistic person shares how they experience
autism - believe them.
Don’t dismiss their reality.
Don’t offer quick fixes.
Don’t tell them to try harder or be better.

Chances are, they’ve already been trying harder their entire lives - just to survive in a world that wasn’t built with them in mind.
A world that often demands they fit into a box, just to be accepted.

That pressure doesn’t lead to "better outcomes."
It leads to burnout, anxiety, depression, and isolation.

Autism isn’t just about how someone communicates or behaves. It can come with:

Dyspraxia (motor coordination challenges)

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)

ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder)

Delayed auditory processing (needing extra time to understand what was said)

Delayed information processing (slower response time in conversations or tasks)

Executive dysfunction (difficulty planning, organizing, starting, or finishing tasks)

Difficulty switching tasks (struggling with transitions or changes in routine)

Sensory sensitivity

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Language and communication differences

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) (extreme reaction to perceived rejection or criticism)

Meltdowns or shutdowns (caused by overwhelm or stress)

Difficulty understanding social rules or expectations

Masking (suppressing autistic traits to fit in, which can be exhausting)

Difficulty forming or maintaining friendships due to misunderstandings or social fatigue

The list goes on. ..

These are not excuses - they’re the reality many autistic people live with every single day.

So instead of giving opinions or advice, choose empathy.
Choose to listen. Choose to understand - offer support.

Because acceptance begins with believing people when they tell you who they are.

Thank you for reading

With love and gratitude - Mum

18/05/2025

“Let Them Grow Wild”

Throughout our lives, we're constantly told who we should be. Our parents have expectations, our friends have opinions, and our partners often carry silent disappointments about who we become. And society? It finds countless ways to remind us that we’re not quite enough - not smart enough, not attractive enough, not good enough.

We can’t live up to everyone’s expectations, and while it sounds easy to say that other people’s opinions don’t matter, the truth is, when you’re young and still learning how to navigate the world, they do affect you. It often takes years into adulthood to figure all of this out and to tune out all the noise. - More often than not it becomes a generational cycle - passed down and repeated.

As a society, letting children be themselves regardless of what that looks like to us is the most powerful thing you could do.

With love and gratitude - C

13/05/2025

A Quiet Wonder 💮

I know the world can sometimes feel too big, but I want you to know—I see it.

I see your joy, and I see your pain.
I hear what you hear, see what you see, and feel what you feel. I carry it all with you, sometimes even before you realise it yourself.

One day, you'll understand how deeply that connection runs and what it all means.

Your resilience and your gentle spirit never stop amazing me.
Every day, you show me a better way—softer, braver, and better.

Love ❤️

Mum

19/02/2025

17/02/2025

✨My Journal for my children:

I have struggled with anxiety my entire life. It has been both a guiding force and a source of distress—convincing me to believe the worst and, at times, protecting me from making bad decisions.

Growing up, I didn’t even know what anxiety was. No one called it that, and I had no words to describe why I felt constantly nervous and uncomfortable. It was just me—a strange person trying to fit into a world that never made sense. Feeling lost and unhinged, tried too hard and wore versions of myself that never felt like they truly belonged.

It wasn’t until adulthood that I started to look back and piece things together. Only then did I realise how challenging everything had been for me. Most of my days feel like a constant effort to cope—with social anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and an overwhelming sensitivity to the world around me.

I feel too much. All at once. Always and at the same time.
But more than anything, I want my children to know this about me. That I struggled, too. That my battles had nothing to do with them. I have always been deeply sensitive, pretending to have it all figured out, but in truth, I never did.

My parents never spoke about mental health, feelings, or hardships. They held it all together for us—or at least, that’s how it seemed. Every now and then, I would catch my mother crying, but she would quickly brush it off, never allowing us into her pain. It made me sad. I didn’t understand my mother most of the time, nor my father. She lived in fear, while he lived in denial. Growing up in the middle of that was confusing.

I try to do better. I try not to repeat the mistakes my parents made. But, we all become our parents sooner or later, don’t we? The difference is I see it happening. That awareness forces me to make a conscious decision—every single day—to break the cycle and fight against what feels natural, what was passed down to me through years of learned behaviour.

Being a parent is overwhelming. We are expected to nurture, love, and keep our children alive, happy, and prepared for the world. But being a parent to children with additional needs? That is something else entirely—something impossible to explain unless you live it. They become your whole world. Your only world. Protecting them becomes your sole focus, your deepest purpose.

But us parents don’t live forever, do we?

And so, despite all my efforts, I find myself becoming my mother—living in fear.

Most days, I wish I could take my children far away from all the madness and pain this world can bring them. I dream of a house on a hill somewhere, a quiet place where they could just be—safe, happy.

Welcome Parenting & Autism - Our Stories

12/01/2025

A letter for my boys

I will always put you first, no matter the situation. I know I don’t always get it right—I make mistakes and sometimes feel tired and overwhelmed. Sometimes, I don’t try as hard as I should or work as hard as I could, and I hope you forgive me for those moments.

I love you deeply. You have been my whole life. One day, when I’m no longer here, I want you to know this:

I loved you through everything—when you were angry, happy, sad, excited, alone, when you did the right thing, when you did the wrong thing, when life felt too heavy, and when you were scared. I also loved you when I was angry, sad, alone, when life felt too much, and even when I struggled to carry on.

I want you to know that I am, and always have been, a human being who feels deeply. Sometimes, that depth of feeling brought pain, and it showed up as anxiety, sadness, or moments of disconnection. I also want you to know I wasn’t just your mom; I was a whole person with a world of dreams inside me—not only for myself but for you, too.

Through it all, I also felt immense happiness and so much love. I felt peace, gratitude, connection, strength, joy, pride, and an unshakable need to protect you.

You will always be my whole world. You will always come first. I will always have your back. My love and protection will always be yours. I’ll make you breakfast, help you sleep at night, and hold your hand through every moment until my last breath; you will have my heart.

With love and gratitude
Mom

16/11/2024

🎉 Happy 10th Birthday to my amazing boys! 🎉

This month, we celebrate a decade of your incredible journey, filled with love, laughter, and unforgettable moments. Watching you grow into the unique, kind, and wonderful individuals you are has been the greatest gift of my life.

Your brilliance, strength, and creativity light up my world every single day. You both teach me the true meaning of patience, joy, and unconditional love, and I’m so proud to be your mom.

Here’s to a day as special as you are, filled with everything you love most. I hope this year brings you more adventures, growth, and happiness.

I love you more than words can ever say. 💙💙

Happy Birthday, my beautiful boys! 🎂✨

With Love and gratitude

Claudia

16/11/2024

🌟 Hey, dear friends! Based on my previous post, I wanted to follow up on how our Halloween went.

This year, I decided to lower my expectations for what Halloween “should” look like, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made. Instead of traditional trick-or-treating or visiting pumpkin patches, my boys and I created our own version of Halloween.

We had a blast playing games, completing challenges for treats, and transforming our house into an adventure where they had to find which room I was hiding in for trick-or-treating!

The boys loved it and have now embraced Halloween as something they are happy to engage in. This experience reminded me that doing things differently is not just okay—it can be amazing. I adore Halloween and the excitement that comes with it, but I’ve come to realize that it’s less about my expectations and more about creating an experience that they enjoy and feel comfortable with.

Parenting often involves balancing the encouragement to explore new things while respecting their boundaries. It’s not easy, and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t moments of sadness when I think about what they might be missing out on. However, adapting to their needs and thinking outside the box this year has proven to be the best decision.

Halloween with my older son used to look very different—with costumes, decorations, trick-or-treating, and a shared love for the holiday. But now, with my younger boys, I’ve learned to meet them where they are. The result? A Halloween filled with laughter, connection, and cherished memories and that's all I ever want for them.

Adaptation is really the key, even though it’s not always easy. Moments like these make it all worthwhile.

With Love and gratitude - C

31/10/2024

**Happy Halloween**

This is one of those times I need to remind myself that doing things differently is okay. It’s hard for me because I love Halloween; still, I need to remember that it’s not about my feelings but about how the boys perceive it. I often struggle with whether to gently push them outside their comfort zones for new experiences or to let them take the lead. Sometimes I can't help but feel that they're missing out on the amazing, fun experiences this world has to offer.

My boys, especially Isaac, want nothing to do with Halloween. Gabriel is more ambivalent; he feels like he might miss out on something enjoyable, but I’m unsure if he is genuinely interested or just trying to please others. Throughout the week leading up to Halloween, I’ve been encouraging them to go pumpkin picking at the pumpkin patch. Their reactions have been very negative, and when I mention trick-or-treating, they panic. I can’t help but feel disappointed and sad.

Halloween was different when my oldest son was young. He loved the holiday, and we had so much fun together. Now that he has grown up and moved on, Halloween has become a time when no one seems excited anymore. I even considered giving up on the celebration altogether until I decided to rethink my approach for this day with my younger sons.

After a lot of thought and coming to terms with the fact that things are what they are, instead of giving up, I’ll celebrate Halloween in a way that won’t overwhelm them. I’ll focus on simple decorations, indoor games, and an indoor trick-or-treating experience, where I’ll provide them with candy. I want to avoid the typical celebrations and meet them where they feel comfortable. If it doesn't work out, we can always adapt! 🎃

That's the keyword"Adapt". Not always easy.

With Love and gratitude

Claudia

17/07/2024

My sons arrange their toy cars in a line next to their beds every night as part of their bedtime routine. I've learned that children with autism often enjoy organizing objects and toys.

I've been researching this, and it seems there is no definitive explanation for why autistic children like to arrange things, but it may be related to their need for structure, order, control, and safety.

Personally, I find it calming to watch them do this, as it helps them feel at peace. It's one of the unique things I love about my boys. 🥰