15/04/2023
I have witnessed many last breaths... too many to count. When I am at the bedside, I know when someone is about die, I am able to educate, support, and prepare families. I can tell them there might be sounds or body movements, which are a normal part of the dying process, but can sometimes be startling and even scary. If I tell them ahead of time, I can hopefully remove some of their fear, and that is always my goal.
I am not startled by death, I am not surprised by death, and I am not afraid of death. I have the tools to help others whether they are dying, or preparing to say goodbye, and I feel confident in my place at those moments.
And yet... every time that last breath is taken, I still feel so amazed and sometimes even surprised by it all, especially the miraculous way the body knows what to do. What gets me every single time, is the loud silence that happens after... that's when it hits me... someone has died... a life has ended. This is big... it's huge... and I have so much respect for that moment.
I worry sometimes that I will lose that, but instead, I think my respect for life and death, has increased over time. I feel a need to honor each last breath, to sit quietly for a moment, to not rush anything, and to just breathe in the stillness of the room.
It is truly an honor to be with someone who is dying, and when I am invited to be at their bedside, I respect and appreciate them and those who are saying goodbye. I never take these sacred moments for granted. I hope I always feel this way...
xo
Gabby
