Daily Dose

25/09/2023

Courage to Change

An Al-Anon friend says, "I have a tendency to think of my experience with alcoholism as an epic, technicolor movie, an extravaganza with my name in lights on the marquee, but it's not really like that. It's really just home movies." From time to time I have shared my friend's exaggerated vision, though of course when I did, the name in lights was my own.

I came to this program with a story to tell that seemed to splash across every inch of a very wide screen. I told it and told it, until one day I noticed that I was sitting in a room with others, showing home movies.

Today I feel happy to be there as part of the show, but my role has changed. I am no longer the martyr, bravely sacrificing myself to the cold, cruel world of melodrama. Realism has taken over. My role is important, but not unique, and I don't expect to see it in lights.

Today’s Reminder

Al-Anon has given me an opportunity to share my home movies with others. My situation is neither the best nor the worst. Although I am unique in some ways, I am more like others than I ever suspected. I will appreciate this sense of fellowship today.

"...as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives."
--Suggested Al-Anon/Alateen Welcome

Language of Letting Go

Allowing Ourselves to be Needy

We can accept ourselves as people who have needs - the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, and healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things.

These needs make us human and healthy. Getting our needs met - believing we deserve to have them met - makes us happy.

There are times, too, when in addition to our regular needs, we become particularly needy. At these times, we need more than we have to give out. That is okay too.

We can accept and incorporate our needs, and our needy side, into the whole of us. We can take responsibility for our needs. That doesn't make us weak or deficient. It doesn't mean we are not properly recovering, nor does it mean we're being dependent in an unhealthy way. It makes our needs, and our needy side, manageable. Our needs stop controlling us, and we gain control.

And, our needs begin to get met.

Today, I will accept my needs and my needy side. I believe I deserve to get my needs met, and I will allow that to happen.

More Language of Letting Go

Make Conscious Contact

God must become an activity in our consciousness.
--Joel S. Goldsmith

God is not separate from this beautiful world that he created. He is the creative force behind everything we do. He is the sunrise, the moonrise, the tides, and the eclipse. He created us from nothing, and we are special for no other reason than that we are.

When we let go of our separateness and welcome the fact that we are part of the universe, an amazing thing happens: we see we are part of the glory of the universe.

God is more than a great father standing judgmentally above looking down with a mix of love and anger at his creation. We were created in God's image. We are a part of God, and a part of God's spirit resides in each of us.

We are a part of universal consciousness.

Today, whether you are feeling down and sad or joyous and free, take a moment and get in touch with the part of God that resides within you. You're a part of something bigger than all the petty victories and losses in your life. Enjoy your uniqueness; embrace your universality, too. Find comfort and humility in all that is.

See God in your life and in the world. Pray. Meditate.

Make conscious contact with your God.

God, help me make conscious contact with you today.

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

After we have been trying to use the Al-Anon program for a while, one thing becomes clear: we can get unlimited benefits from changing our way of thinking. No realistic, reasonable person would consider this an easy task; indeed, there is nothing more difficult in life!

Suppose, just suppose, we were resolved to follow this one idea, expressed by one of AA’s founders in an informal talk:

"Let’s stop throwing blame around" This one idea could be explored, meditated on, acted upon, from now until the end of our days. What would happen if we stopped blaming anyone for anything? We would experience miracles of tolerance and grace - rich spiritual rewards, reflected in a life of real fulfillment.

Today's Reminder

I will try not to blame the alcoholic. How can I know what he is going through in his struggle with the bottle, the ever-present escape? What can I know of his strivings to improve after he is sober? I will not blame him. I will not blame anybody. I will not blame myself.

“Who is to blame? Whom do I have the right to blame? Let me concentrate on keeping my own conduct from being at fault; more I cannot do.”

Hope For Today

When I came to Al-Anon, I was ill-prepared to accept that my “perfect” parents were full-fledged alcoholics, and that I suffered from the disease in the form of emotional sickness and spiritual starvation.

I believed that if Al-Anon would give me the answer book and allow me to study it, I could fix my family and we’d live happily together. I soon learned that there is no answer book. However, there is plenty of helpful Conference Approved Literature and a great deal of experience, strength, and hope. Mostly important, there are Twelve Steps that can help me find the answers.

As I became involved in Al-Anon, my family continued to deteriorate because of my parents’ and my brother’s drinking. In spite of my efforts, I grew despondent and disinterested in working Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps and in living life.

Then the miracle commonly shared by others in the program happened to me. When I could not do another thing for myself, the loving God of my understanding wrapped me in protective care and began to teach me that I am worthy of joy and serenity. I became receptive to what living the Al-Anon program could achieve for me - joy and serenity in the face of chaos.

Today I live with the knowledge that I am worthy and deserving. If I cultivate my spiritual awareness and remember to avail myself of each moment’s opportunities, I experience many hours of joy and serenity.

Thought for the Day

My Higher Power is looking out for me even when I can't.

"I believe that God's grace also means that God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. He floods my life with His grace, doing things for me and through me that I could never do myself."

--As We Understood ... pp. 97-98

15/09/2023

https://open.spotify.com/track/6VdoAvN9XtLq2tuV2Wc8jG?si=rk33BEFPQMS30V91fqgO7Q

alanonspeakers.com · Al-Anon Speakers - Volume 1 · Song · 2018

10/09/2023

https://open.spotify.com/track/73FgwTqTbZh6pjIzd0CZfF?si=01-6gSsEQcOPOFX5Kq-6RQ

aaspeaker.com · Song · 2018

28/08/2023

The idea of sobriety can be terrifying. One big reason people feel so afraid of sobriety is because of what they see in the media, pop culture and even from people they know on social media.

There’s the sense that if you’re not using drugs or alcohol, somehow life is boring or uninteresting. There’s the misconception that if you’re sober, you aren’t fun, you won’t be able to enjoy your life to the fullest and you’ll have trouble forming relationships.

The idea of sobriety can feel boring or lame, and like it’s only an option for someone who’s hit rock bottom and had to become sober because they had no other choice.

That’s not the case and many people find tremendous value in their sobriety, even if they didn’t go to the darkest place some people with addictions do.

In fact, more and more people are becoming “sober curious” as a way to have a healthier, more balanced life. Sober living isn’t just interesting; it’s fulfilling and vibrant. The benefits of being sober include real relationships and experiences that you might otherwise miss out on.

A great reason to embrace sobriety is no more blackouts or hangovers.
You can live healthier and feel more comfortable with yourself when sober.
Being sober will help you build relationships and cope with hardships better.

When you’re sober, your life doesn’t end. In fact, many people feel that it’s just beginning. Life after addiction allows you to feel more in control of your activities and your relationships.

Everything in your life can feel more manageable without the effects of alcohol and drugs. A better life in recovery might include new relationships with other sober people, more opportunities to enjoy the things you love with a clear mind, and less of the drama and problems that can seem to follow you around when drugs and alcohol are involved.

Life after addiction might also mean you have more professional success and new creative outlets that you discover when drugs and alcohol aren’t occupying all of your time.

When you’re using drugs or alcohol, you can feel like you’re skating through life, but never really feeling or being in any of the moments. Living a drug-free life or an alcohol-free life means not only that you can be present, but that you’ll remember everything in your life in a clear-headed way.

You can take in every second, and not feel like your life is passing you by in a whirlwind of blurred memories.

There are many effects of using drugs or alcohol that go beyond feeling high or drunk. There are alcohol blackouts, meaning you don’t remember anything that happens. When you’re in recovery, you don’t have to think about the effects of hangovers or blackouts.

You can remember everything and not feel that sense of terror of waking up and not remembering what you said or did the previous night. You don’t have to try and wrack your brain to remember who you were with or what happened. You’re no longer waking up with that sinking feeling that something terrible might have happened the night before, but you can’t quite remember what. You don’t have to call or text the people you were with and try to piece together the previous night.

Hangover effects can cause you to miss out on even more of your life because you’re sick or in bed and unable to do the things you love or interact with the people in your life that you care about. Hangover symptoms including nausea, vomiting, headaches and brain fog can last for days in some cases and can diminish your quality of day-to-day life.

When you’re misusing drugs or alcohol, your relationships may be built on substance use. You’re more likely to surround yourself with other people who also misuse substances, and that can mean you never really get to know people without the influence of these substances. Romantic relationships may also be built on the use of drugs or alcohol, and frequently become toxic.

Without the influence of substances, you have the opportunity to enjoy sober relationships while ending toxic relationships. You can form authentic relationships built on mutual respect, interests, and understanding rather than just who is willing or available to drink or use drugs with you.

When people drink or use drugs, it frequently starts as a way to deal with hardships but becomes a primary coping mechanism. Things that happen in life may feel as if they’re too difficult to deal with without the effects of a substance. People may want to feel numb so they can overlook the bad things in their life. That often leads to being unable to see or enjoy the good as well.

A life in recovery gives you the unique opportunity to develop healthy coping mechanisms. These mechanisms will pave the way for overcoming hardship without relying on a substance. These healthy coping mechanisms are more sustainable than numbing pain or trying to drink away your past challenges.

Substance misuse doesn’t just affect your mental health. It affects your physical health in almost every conceivable way. You may not exercise because you’d rather drink or you’re spending time nursing hangover symptoms. Your sleep patterns may be altered and you may not think about eating healthy when you’re under the influence. Substance misuse can also affect your immune system and your digestive system.

For many people who don’t have healthy relationships with themselves, substance misuse can be a way to mask that discomfort. Then, they don’t have to learn how to love themselves because they’re covering their feelings rather than dealing with them. When you live a sober life, you can get to know yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin. Self-love and addiction are two things that can never go hand-in-hand.

08/07/2022

Has anyone ever accused you of being controlling? Did you know control is really a cover-up for fear? Just ask Mary...

Unhooking From Your Addicted Loved One.

Mary says her 25-year-old daughter, Gina, will be the death of her. Gina is a he**in addict who lives with Mary on and off, but mostly off. Mary is also raising Gina’s two children.

Mary knows it’s not easy to love someone struggling with addiction. She wants to be understanding. She knows her daughter is sick and has empathy for Gina, but most days, Mary is just too tired to cope with Gina’s ever-increasing demands.

Mary feels exhausted, resentful, and stuck. She doesn’t know how she can improve her situation.

Mary is not alone. Addiction affects one in seven families. Although Mary doesn’t know it, she is in survival mode. Mary has attached her well-being to the actions and emotions of her daughter. If Gina is happy, Mary can rest easy. When Gina’s not happy, Mary pays the price.

Families like Mary's learn to tolerate the intolerable, moving into the role of codependent and enabling their loved one's poor choices by doing what they can and should be doing for themselves. The toxic relationship between Mary and Gina allows Gina to focus on her relationship with drugs while Mary cleans up Gina's messes.

People struggling with addiction hide the seriousness of their problem by exhibiting dishonest, intimidating, and manipulative behaviors. They protect their illness through defensive maneuvers and denial.

If Mary wants to take her life back, she needs boundaries and a support system.

Healthy boundaries are the physical, emotional, and mental limits you establish to protect yourself from being manipulated, used, and violated by others.

If Mary starts saying no, she can expect things to get worse, not better, for a while. Gina is used to being rewarded for her bad behavior. If Mary says no, it threatens Gina’s addiction. If Gina is to survive her addiction, Mary needs to learn to say no, anyway.

Gina has become a master of emotional exploitation. When she doesn’t get what she wants from Mary, she threatens to harm herself or engage in crime. She becomes verbally abusive and accuses Mary of not loving her. This is the pathology of addiction. Gina and Mary will live this dance until one of them dies or recovers.

Learning how to unhook from your addicted loved one takes practice. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them or support their choice to get well. Learning to unhook means you stop taking the bait.

Learning how to unhook means stopping enabling behaviors, beating yourself up, and participating in power struggles. You stop trying to talk sense into someone who isn't ready to hear it. You accept your loved one is sick and has a disease out of your scope of expertise. If you don’t accept this, you’ll keep trying to fix and control them, resulting in more pain, devastation, and enabling.

Recovery means paying attention to your own needs. First, you must identify what your needs are. Then ask yourself this: am I expecting someone sick to meet those needs?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Unhooking from someone you love is never easy. You may feel it's disloyal and uncaring, but unhooking just means you’re allowing the consequences to belong to the person creating them. When the consequences outweigh the rewards one gets from using, recovery occurs.

Living with the stress of Gina’s volatile behavior compromises Mary’s health and immune system. She will likely end up in bed suffering from an emotional breakdown. She is also vulnerable to flu, colds, and other chronic health issues such as high blood pressure, ulcers, migraines, insomnia, heart disease, cancer, and stroke.

Although Mary and Gina’s life appears to be falling apart, it might actually be coming together. Change doesn’t happen without pain and turmoil. Joining a support group will help Mary (which will also help Gina) learn to set and hold healthy boundaries and practice self-care.

To recover from addiction or its effects, you must step outside your comfort zone and face everything you’ve been avoiding. You achieve inner peace and wisdom when viewing your struggles as an opportunity to learn something new.

Mary, or anyone struggling with a loved one’s addiction, doesn’t have to spend one more minute in misery. Recovery isn’t an intention, a desire, wishful thinking, or impossible. People who change do it through one word only – action.