Kelowna Death Cafe

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Kelowna Death Cafe The purpose of the Death Cafe is to increase awareness of death and dying and encourage open, honest

I wish more people understood that grief isn’t just being sad and crying.Grief is being angry, being numb, being broken,...
05/06/2025

I wish more people understood that grief isn’t just being sad and crying.
Grief is being angry, being numb, being broken, and being everything in-between
Grief is so different for everyone and you just have to go thru the motions and roll with the punches.
When you’re grieving the loss of someone you grieve for what was and what will never be, grief also takes a big toll on your mental and physical health.
Grief is LOVE with nowhere to go.
Grief is trying to remind yourself that “this too shall pass”
Grief is forcing yourself out of bed to shower and eat.
Greif is isolating yourself
Grief is surrounding yourself with people and things to distract your brain from reality
Grief is ugly and rough, so if you cannot understand why people grieve so hard for so long and so deep consider yourself lucky to not understand

I am heading home today Although not the way I planned My casket is draped with a flag today I was killed in a foreign l...
12/11/2024

I am heading home today
Although not the way I planned
My casket is draped with a flag today
I was killed in a foreign land

There will be no crowd there waiting
No banner to welcome me home
There will be no cheers of joy
No display in the national dome

I was just a simple soldier
Who answered this nation's call
I signed up to protect our freedom
When I saw those towers fall

I was ready to go do battle
I didn't care what the cost might be
I wanted to make this country safe
Just as my forefathers did for me

I laid my life on the line
And was determined to do my part
It mattered not if people approved
It was right, I could feel in my heart

My division was not a large one
But our work was important to us
We endured the complaining people Who would shout in anger and cuss

But we stood our ground that evening And we did our best to hold our own
But the Lord had other plans that night And now I am going home

Not many will see my obituary
Not many even know my name
But that's not what really matters
Going to war was not any silly game

The funeral will be a small one
Friends and family attending that day One by one they will share memories
Of a soldier who was taken away

Then the guns will fire in unison
In a twenty one gun salute to me
To let others know a soldier had died Protecting all in the land of the free

The flag will be folded in unison
Then handed to my mom and dad
"On behalf of a grateful nation."
How those words always sound so sad

And when the service is over
They will go where my parents live
And one by one they'll remember
My life I was not afraid to give

I served our nation with honor
It was God's gift to me
And when I was asked about the price
I said I would keep her free

May God always bless our great nation May those who served stand with pride Remember we fought for our future
And we served to honor those who died

Today is Dia de Los Mu***os. We take the time to honor and remember those loved ones that we have lost. Celebrate them, ...
01/11/2024

Today is Dia de Los Mu***os. We take the time to honor and remember those loved ones that we have lost. Celebrate them, relish in the memories and speak their names 🙏❤️

Celebrate the ones before us and keep their memories alive, Happy Halloween to you all.
31/10/2024

Celebrate the ones before us and keep their memories alive, Happy Halloween to you all.

The telephone rang. It was a call from his mother. He answered it and his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. ...
22/10/2024

The telephone rang. It was a call from his mother. He answered it and his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday."

Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"

"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. " I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important. Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time. Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he remembered.

Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture...Jack stopped suddenly...

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said.

"What box?" Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said.

"I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Pick up at the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack went to the post office and retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention.

"Mr. Harold Belser" it read.

Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope.

Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filled his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! -- Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most was my time!"

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days.

"Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

"I need some time to spend with the people I love and say I care for," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100 percent true.

1. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

2. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

3. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

4. You mean the world to someone.

5. If not for you, someone may not be living.

6. You are special and unique.

7. Have trust sooner or later you will get what you wish for or something better.

8. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.

9. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a hard look: you most likely turned your back on the world and the people who love and care for you.

10. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

12. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.

13. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

To everyone who read this just now....

*"Thanks for your time."* 😊

~ Author unknown ~

September 30thHealing after loss ~ Daily meditations for working through grief Martha Whitmore Hickman
30/09/2024

September 30th
Healing after loss ~ Daily meditations for working through grief
Martha Whitmore Hickman

September 27thHealing after loss ~ Daily meditations for working through grief Martha Whitmore Hickman
27/09/2024

September 27th
Healing after loss ~ Daily meditations for working through grief
Martha Whitmore Hickman

September 26thHealing after loss ~ Daily meditations for working through grief Martha Whitmore Hickman
26/09/2024

September 26th
Healing after loss ~ Daily meditations for working through grief
Martha Whitmore Hickman

"There is a silence that follows a heartbreak, a stillness that fills the space where someone used to be. It's in the em...
25/09/2024

"There is a silence that follows a heartbreak, a stillness that fills the space where someone used to be. It's in the empty seat at the table, in the quiet of an empty room, in the spaces between breaths. You keep waiting for the noise to return, for the familiar sound of their laughter or their voice, but it never does. And so, you live in that silence, carrying the weight of their absence like a stone in your chest, wondering if you'll ever feel whole again or if you'll always be just a little bit broken." – Lang Leav

September 25thHealing after loss ~ Daily meditations for working through grief Martha Whitmore Hickman
25/09/2024

September 25th
Healing after loss ~ Daily meditations for working through grief
Martha Whitmore Hickman

A Letter from the Rainbow BridgeHi Mom, Hi Dad,Now that I’ve been across The Rainbow Bridge for a couple weeks, they sai...
11/09/2024

A Letter from the Rainbow Bridge

Hi Mom, Hi Dad,

Now that I’ve been across The Rainbow Bridge for a couple weeks, they said I should write a letter home. Sorry, Mom and Dad but I’m so busy ‘across the bridge’ that I haven’t thought of home much. They said it’s okay and that you would understand. I hope you do. (I think you will.)
Remember that night when I wasn’t feeling very well and we were all crying? I don’t remember much, but I do remember seeing and hearing all of you and feeling your touches and hugs…I remember hearing “we love you” and that one last command of “Go through”. I didn’t know what you meant, so I turned around and walked through the fog that was in front of me. I saw the biggest bridge I’ve ever seen! And so many friends on the other side of it! They were all playing with toys and balls! You were right to tell me to go there!
My feet kept moving forward, but my heart kept pulling me back. Your touches became lighter and lighter and I wanted to come back and nudge your hands for more love, but I was overcome by this feeling of curiosity for the happy place over the bridge! My feet started moving on their own, like a gentle breeze was moving them forward for me! I can’t explain it, but I had no doubt that it was the right thing to do!
So, I walked across that big, huge bridge by myself! I looked for you, because you’re always by my side, walking with me, but this was different. I didn’t have a collar around my neck or a leash connecting me to you ~ I was ‘free’! Even though you weren’t there with me, I never felt alone! I actually felt like I had a huge cape of love wrapped around my body and the more I walked, the easier it was to breathe! So, I kept walking! And I would feel more warmth in the big hug, so I kept on walking! I eventually made it over the big bridge – I did it by myself, mom. When I got here, all of my new friends greeted me and helped me walk off the bridge ~ it was so cool! They gave me a pair of wings and said that I was now a Guardian Angel!
What I’ve learned over these past few weeks has been amazing and nothing like I’ve seen before! We’re all the same up here ~ we all have wings and we all have Forever People to watch over ~ that’s YOU, mom and dad !You’re my Forever People and I’m your Forever Dog! We had such a great life together and I do miss you a LOT, but please know that I am so happy in my new home across The Bridge!
I’ll send you another Earth Angel so you won’t be alone. Give them your whole heart, like you gave it to me. I’ll check in every so often to make sure they treasure your love ~ I always did! When you miss me, think of a rainbow and know I’m on the other side of it, waiting to walk with you again. I’ll always be in your heart. I love you, mom! ❤️ I love you, dad! ❤️
Time for me to go play...
--COPIED--

Grief Groceries! I saw this letter today- as a funeral directors son, I have been around this for years. This is some of...
17/08/2024

Grief Groceries!
I saw this letter today- as a funeral directors son, I have been around this for years. This is some of the best advice I have ever seen.

“Hey there, Thanks for writing. I’m really glad your friend has you in her life.

I get it. Grief is a funny thing. It’s the time in our life when we most need help, and also the time when asking for help is so hard. Not because we are ashamed to ask for help, although that happens sometimes too. But mostly because our brain just sort of shuts down.

When my Dad died, I looked functional. But I wasn’t OK. Not at all. And when the news got out, the ton of people flooding me with calls, texts, and DM’s was overwhelming. I really couldn’t function. I sat on the swing in our yard and just stared into space. People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea.

“Well, anything you need at all, let me know, OK?”

“OK”.

They hung up. I stared into space some more.

I had no idea what to do. What I needed. I didn’t even know what to ask for.

Then a friend sent a text. This friend had met Dad once but didn’t really know him. But still, she knew I was hurting. I saw who it was and almost put the phone down without reading the text, but I saw the message and it stopped me:

Will you be home at 8:30 tonight?

What’s weird is this friend lives 12 hours away from me.

Yes, I replied.

“K.”

10 minutes later, she said, “Instacart will be there at 8:30. Open the door for them.”

“What?”

“Grief Groceries.!!”

When Instacart showed up, they put two large bags of groceries on my porch. Frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Oreo cookies. Tinned soup. Stouffer’s lasagna. A gallon of milk. Like that. Things I could heat up if I needed a meal, or pig out on if I needed fat and sugar. Sometimes, you just need to eat half a box of Oreos.

Notice she didn’t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. She just asked if I would be home.

Grief groceries.

Another friend, who lives out of town, asked Renee to name a restaurant near our house where we like to eat. There is a local chain near our house that is sort of a deli. When we eat supper there, we spend about $25. Renee told her the name of the place.

An hour later, there was a gift card in my inbox for $250. Yes, that is a lot of money, and I understand not everyone can do that. But the wonderful thing was that because it was enough for multiple meals, we didn’t try to save it for “the right time”. We ate there that night, and take out from there several times a week for the next month on nights when I just didn’t have the spoons to cook.

Both of those gift-givers knew something I didn’t know – that when you are grieving, you don’t want to make decisions. No, that’s not quite it: You can’t make decisions. You hit decision fatigue really fast.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t ask grieving people to make big choices or decisions. “How can I help” is a big choice. But “Can I take the kids this afternoon so you can have some time to yourself” is a much smaller one. “Will you be home tonight?” is a small choice. “What restaurant do you like” is a small decision. Just showing up to cut their grass because you noticed it needed cutting is loads better than asking, “Do you want me to cut the grass?” Or, “I’m going to Target. What can I get you while I’m there?” is better than “Can I run any errands for you?”

It won’t always be like this. If you stick around, eventually they will surface and ways to be helpful will make themselves known. But in the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as you can!”

Original Words from: Hugh Hollowell Jr.

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Kelowna DC host & facilitator

The purpose of the Death Cafe is to increase awareness of death and dying and encourage open, honest, safe discussions around a sensitive subject while encouraging people to make the most of their (finite) lives. Come out and partake in conversation, snacks and tea/coffee.

The Okanagan Regional Library downtown branch has graciously provided us with the space to hold the Death Cafe.

SHERII


  • Sherii is the owner of End of Life Goals. End of Life / Death Doula work has been a part of her family for generations. Sherii holds an End of Life Certificate and mentors graduates (in the Okanagan Area) of the Douglas College End of Life Certificate program.