06/02/2023
https://youtu.be/QPgCkRt3Ack
We thought it was time to finally start sharing excerpts of people’s stories and today we are going to start with one of our own, Abigail’s.
This video is a representation of what Abigail is. Abigail is a leader, she represents what she is passionate about, and she never gives up. According to most, Abigail’s smile “lights up a room” and regardless of her struggles, that smile remains on her face.
This is an excerpt from Abigail’s PTSD story:
Hey guys! I wanted to share my story to show others that while it can be scary, it is worth it knowing you could help just one individual or more. I had what some would call a “perfect childhood.” I laughed, played, and had parents who were together. I always knew I was going to be different because I never viewed things in ways most people did. I was always very positive and I always was trying to come up with a solution to “fix the world.” While I believe I will still continue to help pursue that, I now know how I will.
In 2017, when I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was faced with the option to wait and see what happens or to face death head on with a 9 hour brain surgery. My family and I chose the surgery because it was more likely to have the better outcome. Little did we know that for 5 years after I’d be fighting the battle yet again.
After my surgery I had to relearn how to eat, sleep, walk, and talk. It was almost like a toddler was inside of an 11 year old body. I faced many trials and tribulations but was still able to focus on school and get through my sixth grade year. I worked undoubtedly hard to find what my new normal would be. I had a huge support system but no amount of support would make me feel the way I used to. People started to make me tired and made me feel like I just wanted to go to sleep. I know now this was a start to being diagnosed with PTSD. I would always stay home no matter the plans and I would not leave my parents side. I was always scared of being alone after surgery, even when I knew I was safe.
Fast forward a couple years when I was finally cleared to cheer again. I knew nothing else mattered when I walked on the blue mat again. Although I had found my happiness again, I never knew what my life and what PTSD had in store for me.
I always refused therapy because now that i’m strong enough to admit it, I feared weakness. I feared that if someone saw me go to therapy, i’d be considered weak and I wanted to stay “abbystrong.” I was always the happy one in a group of sadness, I was the light in the room, but what happens when you feel like you have no light? What do you do when you feel like you’re going through trauma again? What do you do when no one sees it? What do you do when you’re 13 years old crying in a restaurant bathroom because you heard beeping that sounded like the alarm in the hospital? WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DON’T GET SEEN OR HEARD BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO YOUNG??
Don’t you see? Children are put under this microscope to be so happy because “what’s there to hurt them? they’re just children they won’t remember this when they get older.” Well I do. I remember every word that was said. I remember every bully who would call me “cancer kid” or “are you dead yet like give up.” Kids don’t forget that.
I am 17 now and this past June, a few days after my 17th birthday, I was diagnosed with brain cancer for the second time. This time surgery was not the safest option and this time I actually have something to loose.
After surgery in 2017, I lost some brain function meaning I had to find new ways for my brain to function like a “normal” human being’s brain. My main way was sticky notes. Sticky notes reminded me “hey, your book report is due tomorrow.” “Abby don’t forget to take your medicine!” “Hey, don’t forget it’s in your head. It’s not real.” Naïve was I to think that last one wouldn’t help. That sticky note got me out of times where I would lay in my floor sobbing thinking I should give up. That sticky note get me out of crying to the point where I could no longer breathe. That saved me.
Nowadays, I have my friends, boyfriend, and parents to help me. I found therapy, I found help because I am honest about how I feel… or i’m working on it. All of this is said because I am not perfect. This video shows me being superwoman but a lot of those days, off camera, I was at home crying because I didn’t know if i’d be able to finish the season. Today, i’ll cry on nights because I fear I won’t be able to walk across the graduation stage, will I be able to live alone in college, etc. My face shows a smile but my body fights a battle. I was 11. Kids matter too. Kids have PTSD. Kids have depression. Kids have anxiety. Kids have OCD. Take care of yourself, your kids, and make sure no one goes unseen. It is okay to not be okay but it’s not okay to stay that way.
I wanted to share my story to kick off our journey with our supporters stories. This is not for the ooouuus and ahhhhs of this sad story, it’s to show that even us, Abby & Gracie, we can have issues too even when trying to help others so do your part!
