Killing Our Ego - A How To on Buddhist Practice

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Killing Our Ego - A How To on Buddhist Practice Can we gain back control? YES! Being a person who grew up being lead by has my ego I had no control over where my ego took me.

Some people have no control when it comes to life and that loss of control get us in trouble in one way or another whether it's financially from over spending, weight gain from over eating, or incarceration from addiction. I often got lead into dangerous situation which lead me to being incarcerated more times than I can remember. I often just did things that I shouldn't have done just because it

was there or I was there with no thought or reasoning behind why I was doing it. I was blindly lead by my ego which is where we suffer the most. Our ego is like a daycare full of screaming kids who want their way and we are the daycare worker. If we don't have any training on how to look after these children they will cause us suffering in our lives either mental, physical, or environmentally. You can also think of our ego as horses leading a carriage that pulls us, but without the training on how to steer the horses we are in for danger for sure not knowing which horse is going to get the stronger desire for their specific sense and steer the carriage in their direction (of smell, touch, sight, taste, or sound). Once we have the training to control our ego we start to open that third eye. But how do we get the training to control of ego, to control our not-self, our Anattā? Well it's very simple, but very difficult at the same time. We need to kill the ego or starve our ego to death. In some Buddhist term 'Kill the self'. Think of our ego as a child brought to the grocery store. While waiting in line it sees a chocolate bar and says 'I want that', but when you refuse to buy it it throws a temper and starts screaming and kicking and embarrassing us. Some my suffer and to end that suffering they get the chocolate bar for the child, but this will not end the suffering next time. Sure you can try and leave the child at home, but that is just avoidance and will not end the child's tantrums in other places. To get control of our ego we must live in that suffering and take control. We must starve that ego or child of the chocolate bar and over time the strength of the tantrums will decrease and the suffering will lessen. When our ego doesn't throw tantrums anymore we may now give that chocolate bar as the treat (in moderation and not for indulgence). My way of Buddhist Practice is more of the extreme way where there is the most suffering. If there is no suffering, there is no practice. Some may ask 'what about meditation? Isn't that Buddhist Practice?' Yes, but for mindfulness in seeing the truth. You can see the Truth when you sit in the quiet room with limited distractions, but in my opinion meditation is like being in orientation, but being out in any field is not the same. You may have orientation for war and learn about weapons and the basics on what to do or how to react in a bad situation, but once you experience traumatic events you may all of a sudden forget about orientation and your ego kicks in and leads you to who knows where. My way is to practice in war and get the Real Experience of that suffering and practice in that suffering. Follow your fears, follow the sorrow, follow the pain, follow the tears and find a spot to sit under it as if the the suffering is our Bodhi Tree. Once we get content in that suffering and the suffering no longer effects us it's time to move on to the next Bodhi Tree to sit under the dark shade. We need to starve our ego in every part of the senses.

So I'd like to say that I have been diagnosed or told by shrinks and doctors that I have many mental health issues. To n...
14/06/2021

So I'd like to say that I have been diagnosed or told by shrinks and doctors that I have many mental health issues. To name a few; PTSD, ADHD, Depression, Social Anxiety, Social Phobia, Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder (now called something else), Psychopathic tendencies, and much much. I have diagnosed myself with OCD because I have an issues with things needing to be symmetrical or I drive myself crazy.
I have been prescribed Prozac, Wellbutrin, Buspar, Va**um, Rivitrol, Xanax, and many other STRONG medications. All I have found never really worked for my anxiety. Even with the Xanax, when I would be hyperventilating, it would never really help. I would hyperventilate for sometimes 2 hours or more and take a Xanax every 15 minutes (as to just take enough to get my panic gone) and it would only make me so drunk with the panic.
I have found a miracle that works for me and though it is illegal (BUT SOLD OPENLY) I would like to vouch for it. What I take was only lasting a couple of days before I needed my next dose and now after about 2 months using it seems like the time I feel my anxiety coming back is lessening. Now it's about 4 days it seems I take a dose. What I take is Psilocybin mushrooms. I weigh them out to 0.3g doses and take when needed. At first I was trying to do "cycles" (7 days on 7 off), but it wasn't working for me. So then I was going to do 1 day on 2 days off, but that still didn't seem like it was working. So then I tried "as needed" and it's a miracle. I get these PTSD thoughts that are triggered whenever/where ever and it's like a domino effect that just floods me for days and days with memories of the past that sink me deeper and deeper into depression which could last for days, weeks, or months. With the mushrooms I still get those triggers of PTSD and the days and days of flooded memories, but they don't sink me down into a black hole anymore. They just flood me with no attachment. When I had my most recent episode of PTSD and I saw that I was not being dragged down into depression with those memories I was so happy. Even the those memories which are usually painful and sad that draw me to depression, I was happy. I wasn't becoming attracted. I was literally crying a s**t load from relief! Relief that I have found something to keep me from that PTSD/anxiety/depression loop. I was scared to let anyone know because they are still illegal, but they are open up Psilocybin mushroom therapy here in Alberta. They have companies on the stock market that are in Psilocybin mushroom so this goes to show you the world is getting more acceptable to Psilocybin mushrooms and with my overwhelming relief I got from them I am a true believer and with spread the word.
I'm sure if I mix in more meditation with my as needed dosing I'm sure it will dramatically increase my relief. As it stands now I am probably getting in 2 to 4 days of 10-20 minutes meditations thanks to my wife who sometimes says "stop what your doing and come do meditation". Without her I probably wouldn't be doing meditation.
I'd like to add that when the 7 days on 7 days off was not working I tried doubling up my 0.3g to 0.6g hoping to get the same effect of taking 0.3g the first time, but I got sick and did not enjoy it, which made me rethink and recalculate my dosing. I like 0.3g, but see online that most places do .25g for microdosing. I am happy with 0.3g twice a week, as it stands now.
My therapist told me ACT Therapy would be good for me. She said it was a Therapy that kinda kills the ego. I forgot all about the page I had "Killing our ego" which is kinda ironic lol. The fact that Psilocybin mushrooms kill the ego to works well in my PTSD life. I just can't stress enough how overwhelming this relief is that I don't get sucked down by memories of the past. I can see the thoughts come and go, I know they are there, I know where they are coming from, but I don't hold on to them to drag me down.
I noticed today when out at an over crowded place that there was no anxiety. Usually I freak out and have anxiety in large crowds and to some extremes I can't breath. Today I had NOTHING, no symptoms of nothing! In fact I was Social, I was taking to people walking by, saying hi, and not having anxiety coming with the socializing. Does Psilocybin mushrooms cure social Phobia? I'm not sure. I think my social problems may have been under PTSD somehow. I'm still new to this and really can't see it curing phobias, but I can see it curing my depression caused by a single thought or action in my life that drags me down to all those bad negative metal issues. With Psilocybin mushrooms helping me to not holdng those thoughts as attachments (which caused anxiety/depression/panic) I am FREE! So far anyways. I just want to tell the world because I am just that relieved! I am so happy and my energy levels are up 100 fold. Even with thoughts that would usually bring me down, I am HAPPY.

24/02/2021

A still forest pool : the insight meditation of Achean Chah (PDF)
http://ftp.budaedu.org/ebooks/pdf/EN164.pdf

24/02/2021

TIBETAN YOGA AND SECRET DOCTRINES (PDF)
https://selfdefinition.org/tibetan/Evans-Wentz-Tibetan-Yoga-and-Secret-Doctrines.pdf

24/02/2021

The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (PDF)
http://www.freespiritualebooks.com/uploads/5/0/5/8/50589505/the-tibetan-book-of-living-and-dying.pdf

24/02/2021

TRAINING THROUGH SIGHT AND SUFFERING
Okey, so my ideas of Practice, that I fear to do myself because of my four small children in school online with videos on that may tell the teachers what I was doing which may alert some concerns of thinking I wasn't in my right mind. (Like I said, I love to suffer, but not when it may cause suffering to other.)
So we as humans are raised by society. We learn to make excuses and justifications based on our upbringing by society or the environment around us. If we try to gain control of our self-ego our ego just makes excuses on why we should give up our discipline such as 'It won't hurt to just grab that chocolate bar. Look it's on sale! We can start again tomorrow".
So what I'd like to do, and I know this will sound crazy, but remember Buddhist Practice is going against the gain of easy and normal and what society says is right and wrong. If we don't go against the grain, go the hard way, the opposite way of societies norms then where's the Practice? In Zen Buddhism monks would get hit on the back with bamboo sticks without given the reason why. Then get hit again and again without words until they figured it out (They were not sitting with a straight back). In Zen there is a Practice for people that cannot control speech and that Practice is to put Tape-On-The-Mouth. The tape is there as a reminder to your mindfulness to watch your mouth. (East Indian put a red dot on their forehead as a way to be mindful of the third eye (or to open the third eye). Sometimes we need help being mindful in our everyday lives. Obviously we wouldn't walk around with a piece of tape stuck over our mouth, but this is what I'm getting at with my children seeing stuff like this and having child services coming to our door thinking I should be in some mental hospital.
So I think a good Buddhist Practice would be to block out, not only our mouth, but as many senses as possible. Put tape on the mouth, wear ear plugs with ear muffs that cancel sound (double blockage), and nose plugs. Pick a corner of the house and just sit taking in sight. Watch everything, everyone, around you and be mindful of the thoughts that arise from what you see. Does your ego want to discipline the kids for jumping off the walls? Think of where that thought is coming from. Why do you want to stop them? Is it because you are trying to protect your walls from damage? Is it because society has taught you that this behavior is out of control and you are wrong for letting them jump off the walls? Can you control yourself (your ego) from saying anything? How hard is it NOT to say anything? Can you feel your ego kicking and screaming inside you and giving you all the excuses in the world why you SHOULD say something? Can you maybe stop them from jumping off the walls with out talking? If you can the suffering from seeing them doing it should setting, but if you cannot get them to stop without words how much more suffering is there? Where is this suffering coming from? Is it caused by the kids? If it is then I guess you would say 'our suffering is caused by people and our feeling are caused by people, but that's not true. I'm sure most westerners have heard the sayings 'Nobody can make you feel happy or sad' and 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.'. Of course it's easier said than done, right? This is where training our ego comes it to make them sayings actually true. We need to suffer ourselves and chain our ego to the ground and NOT give it a voice. Once we deprive it of voice and opinion we can see that our suffering from NOT telling the kids to 'Stop jumping off the walls!' lessen. Now this doesn't happen over night, but with more days in the field of Practice the more control we have over our ego.
While you have some senses blocked maybe the baby is screaming 'mommy!', 'daddy!' looking for attention. What happens if you just sit there? Does it bother you? Cause suffering? Why? Do you think you are wrong for not waiting on the baby hand and foot? Now if the baby brings a bottle it's easy to get up and take care of the needs of the baby, but what about attention? The baby is suffering and you are suffering. You may get an excuse from your ego 'your suffering is causing the suffering of other', but in reality you are indeed disciplining your baby's tantrums for attention that is not a need. Needs include water, rice, and air (Yes, you can argue about the monkey that was taking from the mother and not touched by anyone so it eventually died of not getting love, but we are talking about a baby just wanting attention because of boredom). Why do you suffer watching your baby crave and desire your attention? If you do this long enough eventually your baby will learn to be content with you having your own space and you will have more peace and mind to meditate.
The whole point of this would be to watch the suffering within yourself and search deep to where that suffering is coming from. What thoughts arises that cause fear? Why do they cause fear? Does the fear come from society saying what's right and wrong? Does the fear come from a financial standpoint? An emotional one? If so follow that fear deeper and find the root of that fear so you can fix that illusion of a belief and replace it with Truth.
Soon, with Practice, you will know Truth from illusion and be calmer in life and have more control over your actions.

24/02/2021

In TIBETAN YOGA AND SECRET DOCTRINES I it talks about how some monks train in the freezing cold mountains. In the end after building up their training the Master takes the monk to freezing rivers and has the monk sit naked in the water. The master fills a bucket of the freezing water and soaks a towel in the water and places it on the naked back of the monk until the water is evaporated and resoaks and reapplies a new soaking towel. The Master continues to do this until the bucket is empty.
To us westerners we'd think of that as torturing our selves, but this is the kind of extreme Buddhist Practice we need.
Also there is a part in this book that teaches different forms of meditation. I have reached some kind of out of body experience or enlightenment or something rather I can't explain doing the 'pot belly meditation' taught in this book. I would do counting meditation, at that time, mixed with breathing meditation, seeing the colors of black and white breathes, and at the end of my counting I would do pot belly meditation. Once I was in the middle of my pot belly meditation all my senses became numb as if I no longer felt my body or was in my body. I became unattached to my all my senses. The next day I wanted to get that back but only got a second of that feeling (or non-feeling) then never again did I get that back. I chased that feeling many nights, but never experienced it again. They say Enlightenment can become an attachment and some monks become addicted to meditative state and I can see why. It's total bliss and peacefully nothingness.
I hope you enjoy this book.
https://selfdefinition.org/tibetan/Evans-Wentz-Tibetan-Yoga-and-Secret-Doctrines.pdf

24/02/2021

‘He who lacketh discrimination, whose mind is unsteady and whose
heart is impure, never reacheth the goal, but is born again and again.
But he who hath discrimination, whose mind is steady and whose
heart is pure, reacheth the goal, and having reached it is born no
more.’
Katha Upanishad

My own thoughts on this born again or reincarnation is that our birth and death is linked to our ego and if we have no control we are reborn every morning to the same life we were being lead. Once we get control of our ego and are no longer being lead blindly we are no longer reborn, but are free from life's holds on us.

24/02/2021

I don't think I will be updating this page on a regular basis because I only want to add my own ideas (created from some sources or another in my life's journey). I have studied Zen, Northern Buddhism and Southern Buddhism (some may say Zen IS Northern Buddhism, but this page is for my own extreme practice ideas.

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